A Day in the life of 4 kids and a Dog.

Tara and her funk beats

2011-09-20T16:51:00.000-07:00

So On Sunday night Tara went into an abnormal heart rythm. It started around midnight, and ended around 7 am...yes 7 hours. It was all over the place, from low lows, to high highs. We went to her cardiologist to find out what is going on. Right now, they are not sure. Her Echo looked a little worse than it did last time. But not significant. Right now they put her on a 24 hour event monitor to "capture" anything to see what is going on and how to best treat it. There is a lot of What ifs that we have going on. However knowing that we serve a God who already has her plans set out for her gives us peace.
We love you all and so appreciate your prayers. Pray speciafically that they can capture something on the event monitor in the next 24 hours. That way we know exactlly how to treat it.

bloggy world

2011-09-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

I like the blog world. You get to meet people. People that you would never have the opportunity to meet in real life, until you meet them in the blog world first. Sometimes you meet mama's that turn out to be the sweetest of friends. That like coffee as much as you, and that your kids get along so fabulously together, and those said children write stories at school about how they can't wait to get together with your bloggy mama friend. This is the case with my friend Ashley and our daughters Lexi and Tori.

This is also the case with my friend Catherine. Catherine happens to be an AMAZING photographer, so when I wanted to capture all the memories of Tara's 4th birthday, I could not dream of having anyone but Catherine come.
I like the bloggy world. Its fun.

pictures of kids

2011-09-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

4 years ago today

2011-09-14T20:09:00.000-07:00

4 years ago today my life was forever changed. 4 years ago today I was watching my daughter struggling to survive. 4 years ago today a comforting nurse told me to get my family to say goodbye to my daughter, my baby. 4 years ago today I handed my baby completely over to God. 4 years ago today started a journey I wish on no one. 4 years ago today I learned what Cardiomyopothy was. 4 Years ago today I learned to trust in God. 4 years ago today I went into battle. 4 years ago today my new normal started.

Today, I still struggle with the "what ifs". Today every "hello" is precious. Today when she calls me mama my heart beams with pride. Today she makes me laugh. Today, I look in her eyes, and can't help but see Gods hand. Today I see her play. Today I see her with her peers. Today she reminds me of my battle I went through. Today I know that she is worth it.

Today and every day I get on my knees and thank God for choosing me to be her mom. Its an honor and a privilege.

How do you do it

2011-08-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

I get that question a lot. Mostly when I am dragging my 4 kids thru Disneyland by myself, or sitting at a restaraunt with 1 adult menu, and 4 kid menus, or going to the beach with all 4, or making a train thru the grocery store to keep them all in a line. I always smile and say "I have no idea". I don't. No super mad mom ninja tricks on this blog to share...sorry. It gets exhausting, but I think being a mom in general gets exhausting. I remember just having Elijah, and being exhausted, then having Elijah and Tori and thinking about signing myself up to go to a place with padded walls. Then I had Jake, more exhaustion, and straight jackets seemed like they should be mandatory, right next to the binkies in the baby section. Then Tara came, and I realized I didn't actually know exhaustion before...I think I went 11 days without sleep when she was first admitted (I should see if I quolify for Guiness book of world records). Then Jim left to Qatar, and I became a 5/6th single mom. So here is my secret...wait for it now...the word ALL. I know life changing huh? The word ALL has changed my life, for the better. Here is a few ways I like to use it..."Cast ALL of your cares upon Him" "Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart". "pray ALL the time" "applaud God, ALL you people" "peace to you ALL who walk in His ways" "I am ALL He wants, I am the World to Him" "families stick together in ALL kinds of trouble". These are just a few of my ALL words. See why I like the word ALL is because it does not mean some, a little, or most, but ALL. I have to Trust God with ALL I have, not some little or most of my life, but ALL of it. I can't pray "some" of the time, but ALL the time. I am ALL He wants...not me and 20 billion other people, but ALL. See God does not pick favorites, just like I can't pick a favorite kid, God can't pick one of us. He chose ALL of us. He died on the cross for ALL of our sins (another great ALL). So there it is, I guess I do have a secret weapon, and obviouslly mad mom ninja skills...

Jake and the sandwiches

2011-08-06T15:13:00.001-07:00

When I was sitting on the couch reading my new favorite book (The Shack, you must read it!) Jake came up and was cuddling me. He then asked "Mom, since you are reading your book, can I make lunch for everyone". Jake is so sweet, he always wants to help, and ifIdosaysomyself he makes a mean PB&J sandwhich. I said sure and asked "whats on the menu today dude?" "Sandwiches" was his reply, I was thinking I was going to have this great sandwich, with Jelly oozing out, and with enough peanut butter to make a dog lick his lips for weeks. I continued reading, and he even went outside and picked me a "flower". Its was a dandylion, so it reminded me I needed to get out some weed be gone for my grass. He brought me my lunch. Complete with a diet coke. My boys knows me well. I said "boy, Jake this looks really good! What kind of sandwich is it?" his reply. Peanut butter and mayonaise. My dilema...do I eat that or the dandylion which is looking pretty appitizing at the moment....

How long is never?

2011-07-23T23:31:00.000-07:00

This is a long over due post most likely, but I have been thinking about it for awhile. I guess it always comes up, as we get ready for Tara's birthday. A kiledescope of emotions comes about. Its been nearly 4 years since Tara was born, then a week after her 4th birthday, it will be 4 years since my life was forever changed. Since my "world" was shattered, and my life, and my normal that I knew before was never to be again. I live now in my new normal. Its not a bad normal, but a different normal. I often (not as much as I used to) get the question "what is Tara's health like now?" Well, the skinny...It has not changed. Her heart function is exactlly the same as it was the day we left the hospital 3 mos. after she got sick. Tara however has "learned" how to deal with her heart, and the common cold doesn't *always* send her to the hospital anymore. I then get the transplant question, or the surgary question. You see, those are the questions that are not easy to answer. Even if you have the same faith as me, its a hard question to answer. Sometimes people don't understand that I KNOW God is going to heal her. He doesn't make promises he can't keep. He told me that he would heal her, and I will take that to the bank, every day. In Deuteronomy 31:8 it says: "God is striding ahead of you he is right there with you; he wont let you down, he wont leave you. Dont be intimidated, don't worry." he wont leave me. Ever. Never. The kids were playing the other day, and I overheard a conversation about the word never, and Jake told Tara: "Never is a really long time, huh mom." I of course said yes, but then that question came to me later in my quiet time. How long is never. Is it 100 years? 10 Years? Or is it just the 4 years that my sweet girl has been with us? No, in actuallity Never is NOT a long time. Its doesn't end. Websters even says: Not ever: at no time; not in any degree; not under any condition. Not under any condition will my God ever leave me, he is right there ahead of me, striding ahead. Have you ever walked on the sand from your car down to the water, and when you walk its hard, sand is never easy to walk in, I always like to find other "footsteps" to walk in, it makes it easier to walk in the sand when someones "strides" ahead of me. God does that in my life, all of it. So when do I feel like he wont take care of Tara? Never.

Your mommy is beautiful....

2011-07-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

Today I was getting ready to leave the house. I was in my bathroom getting ready. The girls were playing in their room with a friend named Macie. I am hearing them play on the monitor that is in my room. I over hear this conversation.
Macie: Tara your mommy is sooooo beautiful.
Tara: I know she is really pretty.
Macie: yeah, I really like her.
Tara: me too.
the conversation kept going on, but I was beaming. Birds were chirping above my head, I felt like Cindarella. Not only do my kids think I am beautiful, but so did my girls friends. Way to make a mom feel good. After I brushed my teeth and decided, since they already thought I was beautiful I would really show them and put some mascara on. So I went over to their room with my head high, birds still chirping and said "hey girls, I am just getting ready to leave, are you having a good time? What are you playing?"
Tara: "We are playing house, Tori is the mommy"
Just then, the birds that were chirping over my head pooped on it.

My week in Facebook

2011-05-23T09:34:00.000-07:00

So Since I don't always update the blogspot (sorry mom), but I do update my facebook, I thought it would be fun to combine the 2. I would like to say that I will do it weekly, but I hate to lie to you. So I will say I will try.

May 12: I asked Jake to get me a coke Zero out of the fridge, he brought me a Miller Lite. Gave it to me and said "I can't find the black ones, is this OK?" Jake, this is beer, I want a soda to bring to church. "oh, its OK, you can drink beer at church". No Jake they might frown on that.

May 14th: I have learned a lot this weekend at Equip (still more to come with Jack Hayford tomorrow), but I want to immediately start putting things into practice, so tomorrow I will be a Proverbs 32 woman. I will stay in bed, and make my kids bring me breakfast there.

May 18th: Well, the good news in my alarm is set for 6pm. Bad news is, all of my kids are VERY late for school. OOPS (that was at 8am, kids start at 730 and we just had woken up)

May 18th: I am speaking tomorrow at REAL moms. Topic: Yes, I am Crazy, just like you. Its going to be fun and helpful, and I am excited! Tomorrow at The Cause, 9am start time with breakfast. Join us and come cheer me on.

May 19th: Dear Mr. President, Israel is our friend. Just like in grade school if you take something that is not yours, the other person will get mad. Don't be a bully. People don't respect bullies. Same on you. Love mom.

May 19th: I am either washing an alligator, or the appliance attack has returned.

May 20th: I started a 13 day fast today. I miss coffee (and eggs and food). I felt like running my kids off a cliff this am while driving them to school. It will get better right? (PS, it did not, next day I was puking and had the worst headache of my life.)

May 20th: At ER with Jake for stitches. Yup, its one of those days! (see, I told you my day did not get any better.

*photo is not for the faint of heart*

Waiting at the ER. Unless anyone is a seamstress?

Jake fell asleep getting his 9 stitches. They called in a plastic surgeon. Lesson learned. Do not play free Willy on your bed, and breach like a whale onto your dresser.

*side notes, I am still doing my fast, but I did break down and start having half a cup of coffee, and I will gradually start weaning that. Cold turkey might not have been the best choice since I pretty much IV it into me through out the day. In fact this am, I only had 1/4 cup*

Hitting a Wall

2011-04-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

On Sunday when I was praying for a couple at church I had a very clear picture in my head, that I was able to relate to their situation, when I sit back now, I can so relate it to my situation as well. This is a picture of the Western Wall in Israel. Its the exterior wall (aka the Wailing Wall), to the Temple Mount. People go their with their requests to God. There is tiny little pieces of paper all over the place, where people actually write their requests on a piece of paper and put it inside of the cracks and crevices of the wall.
Sometimes we feel like we are on the outside. We come to the wall, where we give our requests to God, Sometimes we feel like the "wall" is just that though, a wall. We feel like we can't get in, We lean into the wall, we pray to the wall, we weep at the wall, we surrender all at the wall, but just can't get inside. However, then something shifts, whether it be a spiritual shift, or an emotional shift, then all of a sudden you are on the inside. We feel like we can finally make it past a through a situation. I have felt this so many times. So many times in my life, and in my prayer life I feel like I hit a wall. That I can't make it anymore, then the shift happens, and you do. You make it through, you are on the inside. The inside doesn't always look so pretty inside though. The beauty that you were waiting for just seems like a long empty hallway. Continue to press on, your beauty will come, God doesn't promise you any less.
I encourage you today if feel like you are at a "Wall" continue to press on, you will make it through, Eventually, your wall will open up to the beauty that is just on the other side.

Tour of the Inside of the Western Wall, that would open up to the beauty of the Temple.

Israel

2011-04-26T09:50:00.000-07:00

Not the best picture, but one of my favorite spots, so had to include it. On a boat in the middle of the Sea of Galilee...Sureal to say the least.

Jim and I heading into the Upper Room (Where the last supper was at)

Jim and I at the Western Wall, otherwise known as the Wailing Wall (the wall outside of the Temple Mount)

Looking over the Mt. of Olives Last month I had the most incredible opportunity that I can't wait to share all 5 of you who read my blog. Even though my mom already knows...So all 4 of you.

I had the opportunity to go to Israel. The pastors of our church were taking a team, and I jumped on that chance. Jim met us there...He lives in the Middle East, so it made it much easier for him. No Jet Lag, no 16 hour flight, just a quick hop skip and a jump for him...lucky. As you can see by the pictures we had an incredible time. I took over 1,000 pictures, so I can't even show you the highlights. I am sure a few of these photos will be showing up in other posts. Oh, and because I just wanted to mention how incredibly awesome this trip was, The trip was also combined onto Jack Hayfords trip. You know, sureal. In Isreal, where Jesus walked, lived, performed miracles, died, and rose again, with Jack Hayford. Sureal...

Kids might get the best of you...

2011-04-26T09:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I have been a really incredible blog slacker, however I have lots to catch up on. I will do it one at a time. Funny stuff first. You know, funny now, a month later.
So about a month ago, just before I left for Israel, I was a bit on the busy side, packing, and getting everything ready. I went upstairs to deal with a few things, put laundry away, and fun things like that. I can't remember forsure, but I might have even tried to use the bathroom. The 2 middle kids, Jake and Tori were playing, Tara was upstairs with me. They were playing so good, laughing, and having a really good time, at one point I even heard them say "slide down on this" just as I walked by to the girls room to see them slide down the stairs on a jacket. They were having fun, nobody was crying, and nobody was bleeding. Half the battle in this house. Lots of laughing, in fact, I even remember sitting on the bed at one moment and saying "I should remember this moment", they were having a great time. I like those moments. I left them for about 15 minutes is my best guess. Hearing them laugh the entire time. I then walked by the stairs just in time to see Jake's naked butt up in the air sliding down the stairs. I didn't think to much about it, but saw the naked butt. I then went into the closet to grab more hangers and pondered a brief moment...did I just see that? I wonder if Tori is naked too? I wonder if the "slippery jacket" wasn't working with clothes on? Maybe I should go check again. Sure enough, Tori was naked too, and is that water in her hair? What is that that that Tori is rubbing on Jake to slide down easier? Cooking Oil. Yup, you guessed it. My darling 2 children, took this moment to pour cooking oil on themselves to slide down the "slippery slide" a bit easier. Thanks kids.
Yup, these are the moments you will remember...
P.S. Big shout out to my friend Jerry who dropped everything, and was there in about 20 minutes to steam clean the stairs, and leave no trace of oil on the carpet.
P.P.S. Dawn dish detergent really does break down oil....Even in 5 year old's hair.

betterish plus other stuff

2011-01-29T11:58:00.001-08:00

Yes, that is a word, I just made it up, but I am fairly sure it will be in urban dictionary. Right next to taranormal.
So just as the title suggested Tara is getting betterish. Doing really great in the day time, and just a few spats a week at night. When she starts coughing, its really hard to stop. So I feel like I have a newborn again, I also look like I have a newborn again. The dark circles are not flattering.
Jim is on a "gone" stint right now. He is gone til April. Suck. In Feb I celebrate my birthday, Valentines day, Jakes birthday, and my 11 year wedding anniversary....alone. Suck. I will see him in March, we are going to Israel together. I am excited. Wish my kids could go, cause they miss their dad. Suck.
I caught my dishwasher on fire in November. Its been pretty mad at me ever since. I don't blame him, I would hold a grudge too if I was caught on fire. Yesterday it started "spitting" at me. Water coming out all over the place, well, water and soap. I showed him who was boss and bought a shiny new pretty one. Yup, so I am now the proud owner of a new dishwasher, sitting in my garage. Turns out I don't know how to replace a dishwasher. Any takers? Pizza and beer could be involved. (or you know soda if beer is not your gig)
Tara loves playing with her new American Girl babies from Make a Wish. A few days ago as she was giving her baby her bedtime drugs (yes, she plays with her old syringes), she said "here Marina, tis is your yasix (lasix) it make you pee, tis is your nalapril (enalapril) its for your heart. MOM I need a pulse ox for Marina!" Is there any pre courses for a nursing program to put her in? Right now I think she is a shew-in.
Elijah is liking his new school. Can't say I like the $380/month payment, but I think I like the school too. Small class sizes, and barely and homework make my life much better. Still has pre-teen attitude, but much better than it was.
Jake has been doing the Xbox Kinect like no other. He is pretty good at it. He likes to challenge anyone who comes over. He picks the game, then wins....always. Its a good thing too, because he is a poor looser. We are working on that, but its so funny to hear him trash talk.
Tori plays the dance central. A 6 year old should not have moves like that. She is way to sexy to be 6. I am going to have my work cut out for her when she is older. I wonder how long it will take to built a basement to keep her locked in?
That's it. Well, that's all I can't think of at least. My coffee is now cold. And my children have officially turned my family room into a scene I have see before on Saving Private Ryan.

Whopping Cough

2011-01-15T15:52:00.000-08:00

Its been a really hard week...really hard. Jim left Sunday, 6 days ago now. It does not get easier kissing my husband goodbye at the airport no matter how many times I do it. It still sucks. A lot. However my tears were quickly turned into super powers as by Monday night I had 2 kids sick. Tori with the stomach flu (better now), and Tara with the "unknown". Low O2 sats, fever, just funk. I knew something was brewing. By Wednesday fever still there, and a cough had come with it, my nights were getting longer. Last night was epic. Not in a good way. It was a bad night, bad like I have never had to experience at home with my sweet girl. Tears, and coughing spats that would dip her O2 into the high 70's that would last for 1/2 at least. When she would finally "break" from the spat, tears would fall, and she would ask to go to the "egg doctors" (Huntington Memorial is the egg doctors, she always asks them to make her eggs there, and they do.) I want to keep her home, I so want to keep her home, because in the day time, she is good, well better. Yesterday she was diagnosed with Whopping Cough. A vaccine prevented disease. While she has had the vaccine, she is immuno-compromised so still got it. While I have always been "pro vaccine" since Tara I have been even more. Frankly it pisses me off. Tara got whopping cough from someone who was not vaccinated. If you choose to put your child's life at danger, so be it, your choice. HOWEVER, when you then put my child's life in danger, it gets personal. So parents who choose not to vaccinate, this is for you. Until you see your child laying in the hospital fighting for their life, you may never get it. I don't necessarily want you to vaccinate for your kids, I want you to vaccinate for my child. My child who had nothing to do with your stupidity. In the long run, most likely it will never be your child who fights for their life from getting a preventable disease. Most likely it will be a immono- compormised child who did nothing to you, yet you choose to put THEIR life on the line. How dare you.
PS any anonymous comments will be deleted. You are welcome to express your opinion, but if you have one, have the guts to put your name, after all, I did.

Has it really been that long?

2011-01-03T09:42:00.000-08:00

So much for empty promises of more blogs.... And pictures. I see there will be a lot to catch up on but for now, its a New Year. 2011 is here, and I am excited.
Yesterday at church I kept hearing over and over again, 2011 is going to be better. Goodbye 2010, hello 2011. A lot of "Amens" were said, and agreements, that they are so glad to get over 2010. Here is my thing...does that one day really make a difference? Is something going to change just because you get a new calender, or need to put 2011 on things instead of 2010? People, your life isn't going to get better just because its a new year, you are the only one that can make your life better. Weather it be January 1st or June 1st, you can be the change. To hallmark? or harsh? Sorry. Now its not to say that I am not excited to come to a new year, I am glad. 2010 was good to me. There was hard things, but every year there is always hard that goes along with that year. I can think back and remember "hards" in every year back as far as I can remember. However I choose to not look at the "hards" and look at the "goods". So for this post there will be no "2010 sucked". So here is my top 10 of 2010.
10. Tara had a lot less hospitalizations then any other year.
9. Jim and I had more date nights, and really enjoyed every one. (one of our goals this past year was to have more)
8. Jim and I had a wonderful vacation together to the Caribbean. We really enjoyed each other for a full week, with lots of memories and new friends were made.
7. We enjoyed the Caribbean so much that we took the kids back there for a family vacation.
6. Both of my sisters announced they will be having a baby! One thru her belly, one thru adoption! I love being an Aunt.
5. My internship. While its been hard, the hardest things in our life reap the greatest of rewards.
4. My friend Caz got married (which should be one all on its own! WHOOT WHOOT Caz!) and is now able to help me every Wed. with the kids. The kids love spending time with her, and I love having a few hours to get things done, and work on my Internship things. I look forward to Wednesdays.
3. We welcomed Jay to come and live with us. Gods timing is perfect. A friend who is an EMT and studying to be a paramedic needed a place to stay. I needed help with the kids since Jim was going to be gone. A week before Jim left, Jay came in. Its great having a extra set of hands anyways, but for someone with medical knowledge to come in is better. When Tara is sick he can take a shift so I can get some rest.
2. Great friends, great family. We are so incredibly blessed with the bestest of families. Our support system is so fun, and inspire and encourage us. Not only was 2010 rockin' because of them, but everyday is rockin' because of them.
1. Tara got a new make over on her room compliments of Make a Wish. They did an incredible Job, and its so much fun to see the girls play in there. She was also asked to be the Season of Wishes girl, so her segment was televised so that others could see the wonders of how awesome God is.
There was so much more God did in 2010. So hello 2011, but 2010, you were good to us, and for that Thank you.

Did you miss me? Or is it just my mom?

2010-11-24T21:31:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, mom.
Well, since my mom knows why I was gone, I guess I will fill everyone else in on my little secret... I WENT TO SEE JIM! Well, its wasn't really a secret, I just didn't post about it. So I went to Qatar to see Jim and it was so nice. The kids stayed here with friends, and family which was so great. Tara did get strep throat AGAIN while I was gone (which sucked) since she has just finished her antibiotics for strep the day before I left I was really worried that she was not going to get over it and need IV antibiotics. Well she did fine, and has now finished her antibiotics again, however tonight she started running a fever again. I am not to worried yet, as its still low, and only been a few hours, most likely its viral, well, since she is 3!
Tomorrow for Thanksgiving we are going to Disneyland (provided Tara is feeling ok). It should be fun. We got passes so hopefully we go more often. This will be our second time going in a week! We celebrated with my family on Monday which was great, loved eating turkey! :)
Ok, I think that's all for now! I took some pictures of Qatar, and will share more about that soon. but for now, I am back, did you miss me?

The Wind....

2010-10-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

So I was reading in my bible the other day, and came across the scripture..Mark 6:48. They were straining because the wind was against them, He calmed the wind.
YIKES!!!
What this means. I am straining. I strain every day. The wind (or you know my dishwasher, computer, my kids etc) is against me. So instead asking him to calm my wind, I choose to strain. Daily. What am I thinking! So this week. I have made the conscious decision to not strain against my winds. Now, since I made this decision, Jim's work computer died, my dishwasher caught of fire, and I have had 2 trips to down town LA. However, none the less, I am not strained. I am choosing not to strain against these things. This means I am making a daily decision (sometimes hourly, or minute!), to ask God to calm my wind for me. I can now laugh at my half burnt dishwasher, my messy desk with so many computer parts I can't even see the granite, and my gas tank that in 3 days I have had to fill up twice...(OK, not really laughing at the last one!) and FYI it works! I feel good, I am truly feeling good about my winds at my sail. I am not straining, but instead enjoying this ride that I call my life. Infact so much so that I may even upload some pictures for another post...if I can find my ports...:)

I Lost my Job

2010-10-24T16:52:00.000-07:00

This past month has been hard. Really hard. Since I feel I am able to share some of my feelings on here with you...In a nutshell, here it is. It down right sucked. I was feeling empty, lost, and could not find my way. I was having trouble sleeping (not eating...that I did just fine), doing my daily devotionals, daily chores, and even taking care of my kids. Unless you call throwing a piece of cheese and sandwich meat at them for lunch...and dinner. I knew I was headed down a road, that could spiral down quickly if I did not snap myself out of it. The road of depression. After all, I lost my Job. My responsibility to be a house wife. Not to brag or anything, but I was a rockin' house wife to Jim. I supported him in his wants and dreams, encouraged him, loved him, fed him well, and gave him his wants and desires...even if I had a head ache. Then 4 weeks ago, I lost my job. My job I was sooooo good at. It hurt, a lot. I was reading my friend Caz's blog the other day, and it hit me. I did not loose my job, my job just went to another country. I still need to do all of those things, just in other ways now. I still need to love, support and encourage my amazing husband that God gave to me. Its an honor every day I look down at my wedding ring, and remember my amazing husband we is working so hard to support our family, who I am sure misses us 5 times more than we miss him. While I am here, I have my 4 kids to love and hug in the sad times, he has nobody.
It is a high honor for a wife to be chosen from among all womankind. To be the wife of a Godly man....Great power is placed in her hands. Will she wear her crown beneficially? Will she fill her realm with beauty and blessings? Or will she fail in her holy trust? Only her married life can be the answer.

Jim Dear, I love you, and love what you do for us. You are an amazing husband, and an amazing dad. Every day I consider it an honor to be loved by you, that you would have, and choose me to be your wife.
I love you honey.

This might be a party pooper

2010-10-01T23:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts. Its not that I don't have anything to say that isn't blog worthy, its completely blog worthy. But my amazing mom always said "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all". I have been in a little funk for the last week, had nothing nice to say. So you ask what about the 2 weeks before that? Well, I soaked up every last minute of Jim I could...I should back up.
Jim came home from Qatar on Sept 1oth. The day before we had Tara's 3rd birthday party (maybe I will write about that later...) When he came home, we new it was going to be his last time home for a bit....a long bit. Jim and I have prayerfully decided for him to move to Qatar for the next 2 years. While we both were in agreement over this, It has not been easy since he has been gone. Jim is my best friend, my soul mate, my love. It hurts, and I am sad everyday he is gone. I miss him like a crazy person, yet I know this is a good thing, and he needs to be there. Right now is not the right time for us to go there as a family. I am not saying not ever, just not now. So for the 2 weeks from Sept 10th I soaked up every minute of him. Got my "love tank" full. We went on about 2-3 dates every week, cozied up in bed when the kids were at school, played hookie from work, and enjoyed each other. Now, I might be going thru with drawls! :) So this last week has been incredibly hard. I need to find a rhythm. Right now I just feel like I am walking in a fog. It will get easier, I will be able to manage, I will be OK, I will find a rhythm. Right now, I just need to breathe. I have a song that a friend of ours wrote from church. It says "Never alone, you are always here right by my side, I have nothing to fear, only you have made me worthy". He has made me worthy, for such a time as this.

3 years old, and 2 years.

2010-09-06T22:59:00.000-07:00

Today my Baby turned 3. Its been an emotional day. So many things. Its my blog so I will tell you want I want, and keep in what I want as well. I always have a hard time with Tara's birthdays. There are emotional to say the least. On top of all that, Jim is in Qatar again. He comes home again on Friday, but, then leaves again shortly after that. We as a family have decided for him to move there to Qatar for the next 2 years. We obviously have not come to that decision lightly, as my husband, my kids dad will be away for 2 years. We have talked a little of "us" moving there. There is A LOT to think about that. The main factor would be that if Cardiology does not give us the approval that it would not even be considered. The other factor is school. There is an American Private school there (and I hate to say this, but they would most likely receive a better education there....). but taking a Junior Higher out of school, and away from his friends for 2 years seems like it can't be a good thing...right? Also my family. My mom, sisters (their husbands), brother (his wife), My nephews, my nieces, my Tyler and Sarah (even though there are technically niece and nephew I think of them more as my kids, and I am fairly sure my sister will not give them up for the next 2 years...). Our house, our belongings, our dog (well, he would go right?), my car, Jim's car, our business here, our Church, our friends, the fact I have made a commitment to the Internship for the next 1 year. Like I said, its been an emotional day. So glimpse there you go. I need to stop crying now, because I am fairly sure this many tears could most likely fry my computer.
So baby Happy Birthday, you amaze and inspire me. I am honored and blessed every time you call me mommy, that God would choose me to be your mom, its a privilege.
Oh, and because I am already emotional, today also marks the day of Regional Center not providing any more services for her. So Miss Alicia, and Miss Nancy, thank you so much for taking the time to love on our baby. Its been such a delight to see her grow with us over these last 2 1/2 years.
Seriously I am a wreck....

2 year old ism's.

2010-09-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

This will be fast as I have 5 under 5 here right now! :)
In the car with my younger 3 and Ty and Sarah (my niece and nephew) there was a conversation between the litle girls who are both 2 (and potty trained, thankyouverymuch...) it looked like this.
Tara: Sarah, I pootie (pootie is our word for ummm passing gas)
Sarah: *a moment later* Tara, I pootie too!
Tara: Sarah, I pootie again!!
both girls then laugh, and Sarah then gets a really trying to pootie look on her face...
Sarah: Tara...oops, I poop.

*have no fears, the poop did not actually come out, it just ummm shall I say, "took a peek"*
NO CARSEATS OR PRINCESS PANTIES WERE RUINED IN THIS POST

Wise beyond his years

2010-08-31T08:30:00.001-07:00

My kids have felt the sting on death again. A little over a month ago now, Jim's Grandma Nannie "went to heaven". When I told the kids with hot tears coming down my face, I told them I had good news and bad news. They asked for the good news first. "Grandma Nannie got to go to heaven last night!!" The kids jumping up and down clapping their hands, so excited, with such child-like faith. The bad news, "we don't get to see her anymore". The cheering subsided, just a bit, but quickly went back to clapping and all the fun Grandma Nannie is having.
This morning, as Jake came down for breakfast, he tells me of his dream.
Jake: Mom I had a bad dream last night
Mom: oh, I am sorry bud, want to come tell me about it?
as Jake comes over and cuddles on my lap
Jake: yeah, I dreamed that Grandma Nannie died.
Mom: Oh, Jake, I am so sorry, I know you miss her, remember, she did die.
said with more hot tears coming down my face
Jake: ha, your so funny mom, She is not dead, she is just in heaven.
Mom: yes, but you go to heaven when you are dead bud.
Jake: Mom, if Grandma Nannie is dead, then Jesus would be dead, and he is not dead because He is alive and in my heart.
Mom: You are so very right Jakey Bake Jesus is alive, and Grandma Nannie is alive too.
Jake: I know, I just don't have to see her, but I know she is alive because I can feel Jesus.

My sweet Jakey you are so wise beyond your years. You teach me something daily. The bible calls us to have Child Like faith. Not to be Childish, but have the faith of a child. Today Jake showed me the Child Like Faith we are called to have.

Rose Colored Glasses

2010-08-21T21:56:00.000-07:00

I have decided to take a leap of faith, and Intern for my church! Everything was finalized today, and I start officially mid September so that is why this is the first you are hearing of it! I will give you a little information, as well as a bit of my Intern Application Autobiography information.
The Internship program lasts 10 months it entails 1. hands on training where you get trained from your mentor hands on...I am interning under the Senior Pastors wife Sherry who overseas Women's Ministry. This will be 4 hours of office time, plus an additional 10-15 hours per week doing other duties for my ministry I am interning under. 2. Orientation Weekend (Mid Sept) 3. Classroom sessions. Pretty much every Wed. night for the next 10 months count me out. 4. Reading Assignments. There is 10 books that I will read in the next 10 months, and do a book report on it. (this is probably going to be my favorite part/easiest part, as I LOVE to read, and write down what I have learned, plus I took a sneak peak at the list of books from last year, and I think I have read 6 out of the 10, so I already know I love the books!) 5. 2 Saturday all day training days. 6. Leadership conference. We will go as a group, and its usually a 3 day conference. 7. Missions trip. All interns are expected to go on an International Missions Trip. This will be my BIGGEST challenge by far. I have no issues with going on Missions Trips, however I have a VERY tender heart, and I may never come home...Just forward my mail to me in the Dominican Republic and ship my husband ands kids over... 8. Give significant amount of time towards Church wide functions...I already do this. 9. Fundraising. This will be very hard on me too...I don't do well with asking people for things, especially for me. However I will need to fund raise to be able to send myself on the Missions Trip. This is a very vital part of the process though, my support letters will also include support for me in this process, as with all of the above mentioned things...I might need baby sitters, and people to fold my laundry...
So here parts of my Autobiography:
"Being an intern has always been on my heart. I knew right from the beginning I wanted to be one. I vividly remember sitting in the theater next to my sister Lorraine while the announcements were being given, and the first announcement for the Intern Applications was given. I had a huge smile on my face and told my sister, "oh, I want to do that!" She looked down at my pregnant belly (with Jake) and told me now was probably not the time. Again the next year "not right now". They were right. 4 years ago was not the time. Now I believe it is. While I am not going into this with rose colored glasses, as I know this is going to be one of the most challenging things I have ever done, my heart is still being tugged, and if not this year then when? Something I have learned is growth is never easy. When I look back on my life and see when I have done the most amount of growth it was not when things were easy and laid back, but rather when things were hard, and crazy."
"My desire for Christian service has not been something that was ever lacking. I have always felt even from a very young age that church should not be just a place to "go" but rather be. It helped growing up and having parents that showed me the example of helping and being involved in church. At a very young age my mom was taking all 4 of us kids on Mexico missions trips, serving at food banks, serving meals at Thanksgiving dinners for the homeless, taking Church mailers home for us kids to work together to stuff, reading off phone numbers to help her make phone calls, and letting us help her bake or cook for pretty much any even the church had. She truly has a servants heart, and has instilled this to all 4 of her kids. My prayer everyday is that I can install this into my kids. I never want my kids to feel like church is something to just go to, but rather "be" the church. Even at my kids' young age, thy are being Christ's hands and feet. when last week after going thru at McDonalds and Jake saying "I have enough toys, I think Haiti will like this one" (Jake however does think that Haiti is a person not a country, but we are working on it!) I knew something was on track, and my kids are truly starting to "get" the fact that we are His hands and feet."
"I am so looking forward to starting this new chapter in my life. While I know this challenge will be hard, I also know that thru my greatest challenges, is when I have reaped the largest of rewards."
So there you have it...where you will find me the next 10 months! :) Please keep me in your prayers! Oh, and come fold laundry...

Laurens hope

2010-08-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

This is for all my heart mommy friends out there!
Laurens Hope has the cutest Medical ID bracelets out there. I have always gotten Tara's from there. Right now, we just get the Velcro ones (we have Hot pink, Light Pink, Camo, and Purple, I told you we are fans!) and I can't wait for her to get a little bigger to be able to wear the Swavorski Crystal ones. So cute, not like the typical stainless steal ones you see, they even have Med. Id watches and Necklaces. So hope of and check out their styles. Plus...if you mention them on your blog (shameless plug like I just did) they give you a $50 gift certificate to get your started...not to shabby!
LOVE THEM! Shameless plug now over.
And since my link doesn't seem to work the website it:
www.laurenshope.com

Make a wish

2010-08-18T15:54:00.001-07:00

This little girl is pretty excited, she has been granted a wish from Make a Wish!

She is pretty excited as you can tell! :) There was some talk/brainwashing trying to happen for a bit to decide what to do, she wanted juice, mommy was teaching her how to say pool. However in the end we decided a make over of her room would be great!! Soooo this is before: I can't get the whole room in there, but Tara's new big girl bed is on the right of the picture, (my niece Sarah is in the crib that I have not take out of there yet...) and Toris bed is on the left side of the picture. They have these great cubbies in there rooms which are such a great size (as you can tell by the crib fitting in their perfect) so I am thinking we are going to have a bed put into each of the cubbies (like full or queen) then have the frilly netting put up on the peak of the cubbies (can't really see, but just before the chandaliers) and try to get a closet put in there! Plus tea party stuff, as she loves her tea parties!! So, tea party fairy room it is! I think it fits! Plus Tori is pretty excited because in her words "I didn't even need to have a heart and I get a new room too!" (we have been telling the kids the reason why Tara got to make a wish is because of her special heart...Tori just left out the special part!) The boys are definatlly not sad at all though, as the Make a Wish people that came over to the house were AMAZING and so sweet and gave a gift to all of them, so they are way to busy playing with their new toys to worry about the girls having a "girly room"!

I will forsure post after pictures, but until then, Make a Wish Rocks!!

Who has the best Bumpa?

2010-08-18T15:49:00.001-07:00

WE DO!!!!
When my parents came over for dinner the other night my dad (Bumpa) let the kids "surf" on his chest. They had such a great time!
Jake catching a wave

Tori was a lot more tenative about the whole process, but figured it out!
Tara was having a blast!!

I dont have any pictures of Elijah, but he was ummm a little to big to catch this wave!

Houston, I think I have some swimmers on my hands.

2010-08-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

I know I wasn't surprised. Jim and I both swam competitively, however this summer my dreams of having swimmers, came alive!
Jake is doing so well, as long as he has someone pretty close to him he can go the entire length of the pool this way!

Tori listens ever so closely to all of the instructions to make sure she gets it exactly perfect...she does. She loves following directions, so it works perfect. Her back stroke is the yummiest backstroke I have ever seen...ifidosaysomyself...as retired swim instructor! Jake working on his back stroke not quite getting the thumb up pinkie in part...wish I had a picture of Tori's, but all the ones I snapped just has her face, no arms.

Tara is really getting the hang of her "back floats" and keeps saying "No I do do all myself". She just sits back and chilaxes.

Last session my sister and niece (Sarah) and nephew (Ty) took it with us too. I snapped this picture of my sister and Tara...sweet I know!

Have you ever seen a sweeter girl getting ready to be a monkey getting ready to be snatched right out of a tree? I think not!

I have also decided to put Jake and Tori on a swim team this year. There is one that I think will work perfect for them for the next little bit, its just a community swim team here in La Verne, and only goes 3 months, so its a good taste for both of them. If they like it, and I can hack the back and forth with everything else I have on my plate then we will go for a competitive team. Wish us luck!

Crutches and Bear

2010-08-12T00:56:00.000-07:00

Today was a big day. Big. Huge. Hence why I am still up at 1 am. Ok, maybe not (I am just a night owl). But none the less. A big day. I have moved Tara to her own room SEVERAL times before. However I have always kept the crib in my room (we had 2). Just in case. In case she is sick, in case she is just off, just in case. However for the majority of her last nearly 3 years of life she has been in my room (lets just say she has either been in my room or the hospital!). Well, about a month ago I moved her. To a big girl bed. Its not a crib. In her own room. She loves it. She likes sleeping in there. She was excited to be in there. Last week I got an email from a friend. She said someone was looking for a crib for a house for battered women. A women came in and had a baby. I didn't even think twice and told them I had one. They came and picked it up today. Today I have a large empty spot in my room. Next to my bed. Where my baby has slept since she has been home from the hospital. Today, my crutch was taken. My If she is sick she will be closer to me spot. It will be filled with a fake tree (its a big room, it needs a tree). I no longer have a bed in my room for my baby. My crutch is gone.
This sweet little bear has been on her crib since my sweet little girl came home from the hospital. Sweet isn't it. This bear has significance to me. Maybe not to Tara (she did pose with it though!) When Tara was VERY sick one of Jim's friends came to visit us at the hospital. His name is Chris. She was in Huntington Hospital for maybe a week. My baby was 2 weeks old (she was a week old when she was admitted to Huntington Hospital). My baby that nobody really got to know when she was healthy. My baby that I was so proud of, her beauty, and even though it was hard to see her like that (with tubes, lines, swollen etc), she was beautiful to me. She was my beautiful girl, that I wanted to show off, but people who came to see us weren't really coming to see her. They were coming to see us. To make sure "we" were ok. I understand, and am sooooo grateful for everyone who came to bring us meals and love on us. We did need it. Looking back I think it was a type of beauty that only a mother can love. Tubes and lines don't scream beautiful baby. FYI. :)
When Chris came that day he brought us the bear. Wrapped up super cute (thinking his wife has something to do with it!) with a card. The card that said "Congratulations on your new baby" Love Chris (and family who I am leaving out for privacy...I didn't tell him I was going to blog about it! Its only fair!) Chris does not know what that card, and this sweet little bear meant to me. Someone was coming to see her, admire her beauty, and congratulate us on our new baby. Chris came, brought us a meal (Mexican I think?) and a present for our little girl to love on.

She may not hug and kiss it every day, but every night as I went to sleep seeing her crib in my room, and the sweet little bear attached reminds me of the day when friends came. Came and loved on my girl, congratulated us on her beauty, and meant more to me that day then he ever realized.

So tonight I go to sleep without her crib in my room with the sweet little pink bear attached to it staring at me as I drift of to sleep. Thank you Chris. Thank you for lifting my spirits that day nearly 3 years ago. You made me feel normal. That I had a normal baby, that my normal baby was beautiful.

PS. The bear is now attached to her big girl bed. To someday remind her. Remind her of her beauty and that people cared.

The natives are getting restless.

2010-08-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

So, looking back, I have not posted ANY pictures of the kids on here since April. Well, they have grown...sorry.

I think the biggest news, is that they are in Swim lessons. They LOVE it! Tori is seriously turning out to be my little swimmer. A few days ago she did the most beautiful backstroke to me. About 20 yards of it. I am thinking that after a few more weeks of this I may decide to put her into a US swim team. The Claremont Club (where I swam at) is not far from my house, so I am thinking there! You know, because I am not busy enough. Jake as well is doing incredibly well at swimming. He can swim a bit unassisted, but I dont think he will be able to go on a swim team quite yet. I might look into lessons thru the year? We will see. Tara as well is doing GREAT! This girl L-O-V-E-S the water. You can't tell with the first pictures I am posting...well, because she screamed...the entire time! but the second day she loved it...I promise. She is now floating on her back, all by herself, kicking like a maniac, blowing bubbles, and loving every minute of it. I think it helps that her very best friend/mortal enemy is in swim lessons with her (Sarah my niece). Elijah did not go into swim lessons this year. He didn't want to. :(

Elijah also has some big news. He has been saving money since January to buy a bike. Like a lot of money. He managed to save $280. Not bad for a 12 year old! So he got his long awaited bike last week. We bought it for $300 so we had to put in a bit of money, but lets just say it was a job well done. Plus I like to "own" a portion of his bike. You know, in case I need to take it away. :)

Tori as well got a new bike. Its HOT pink and black and super cute. She loves it, and is doing well on it. We still have the training wheels on it, she is umm lets just say SUPER coordinated, so we will keep those on for a bit....

In other big news, Tori starts kinder in just 2 short weeks. :( Have no doubt there will be pictures for that! And tears for mom as well. sniff. My baby is growing up!

Jake and Tara also start Sonrise pre-school on Sept 1st, Taras 3rd birthday is coming up in Sept. Big party of course! The annual Carlson Backyard Birthday Bash with Blood Drive of course! Tentative date is Sept 11th for the party (so mark your calenders), still need to confirm with the blood donor people. Trying desperately to get American Red Cross, but am thinking its going to be USC blood drive again, they were so incredible to work with last year, and super sweet. I would rather do American Red Cross to choose where the blood goes, but USC was great and donated half of the blood we collected to Huntington for us. So we will see!!!

Well, Jim has my camera today, so I only have these 2 pictures, but be rest assured I do have more, and hopefully will post later today. But for now, hopefully these will calm the natives....and by natives I mean Grandmas.

Heart mumbo jumbo and why I can't sleep.

2010-08-03T00:19:00.000-07:00

Its nearly 12:30 am. I can't sleep. I am exhausted, but yet when my head hit the pillow about an hour and a half ago (right after the Bachlorette...my obsession!) my mind began to race. I wont go into all of it, but the short story is: Jim and I have gotten an attorney for Tara. She needs additional medical insurance, and we have tried every option. I consulted with a friend who has dealt with special needs kids for way longer then I have, and this is the route she needed to go as well. Its different. I can't say I fully understand everything, and every time I think of it, it makes me mad. We applied to get health insurance thru the ADA with medi-caid or medi-cal. We were turned down. Turns out that if you make over a certain amount of money every year, you can't have a child with disabilities. Well, as it turns out, you can. The state just chooses not to recognize you. Frustrating to say the least. So, needless to say, this is the only route we found. She needs continual health care. And with Jim being self employed, and us having to pay for our insurance monthly on our own, and with the insurance company able to increase your rates 8% every quarter at their will...Lets just say its not getting any cheaper. Our insurance company knows we have no other option...so we have been increased. The max amount every quarter. (hmm, maybe its not the short story of it all!)
So why has this gotten me flustered tonight...well, today Jim and I had a long chat with the attorney (again...the process started about 6 months ago). They have officially decided to take our case on, and today asked for detailed attempts of the first 72 hours before her birth, her birth, and the first 24 hours after she got sick. Its all the emotions on the grid. 72 hours before my water had broken, but nobody believed me. I went in several times before to Labor and Delivery. They kept telling me I was peeing my pants...they said it happens often with women who just "don't know" what it feels like to have their water break...HELLOOOOOO NOT MY FIRST BABY!!! I knew. After reviewing all of the hospital records, the attorneys office now knows too. They believe me. Not because they trust me, but because they saw the hospital records. My water did break prior to delivery. The delivery that when I got to the hospital, they disregarded. Sent me to the bathroom with my husband to pee in a cup. I was in pain. Transitional labor. FYI it hurts. Just a few hours before I was sent home saying my water had not broken, my contractions were braxton hicks, and that I still had 3 weeks before my delivery would happen, they told me I was not dilated at all. The day before in the doctors office I was at 4 cm dilated. I didn't know you could re-gress with that kind of stuff? As it turns out you can't. But yet they sent me home. But with the kind words of "oh, honey you will know when you are really in labor". Yet just a few hours later I was again in that same hospital delivering my daughter in the quiet bathroom with my husband catching my daughter over the toilet. My precious daughter. My 4th child. My 2nd girl. The baby we would call Tara. Tara was born with a perfect heart. Whole and complete in every way. My husband after catching her looking up at me with fear in his eyes saying "honey, I know it hurts, but I am going to need to to pull that help cord behind you so we can get some help in here". The next part was such a blur. My husband took complete and total control over the situation. When the nurse finally arrived she was flustered. She only had 1 hemostat. After talking to herself for quite awhile, my husband finally took charge yet again and said "clamp the baby" She looked at him stunned, then figured out she was the L&D charge nurse and decided she should oh I don't know...do something. She told me to hold my cord. When my husband walked me out of the bathroom several minutes later as we walked by the nurse me still holding the cord her words still ring in my head. "Now make sure you hold your cord up or you will bleed to death". Geez...thanks lady.
then fast forward a week. To the day I will never get out of my mind. The day when my life was forever changed. To September 14th, 2007. The day I was told to say goodbye to my daughter. The day when my worst fears were coming up. When in my dark moments I wondered if they even made caskets that small to fit a newborn. How to have a funeral for a newborn. Who comes. Not all of our friends had met her yet. Her Grandma had not even met her yet, she had not gotten to smell her beautiful newborn smell, to see her piercing blue eyes, or the chubs around her neck. To kiss to most wonderful cheeks you had ever seen. How do you plan a funeral for the most beautiful girl who the world, or all of your family and friends had not gotten a chance to know. How do you tell her adoring brothers and proud sister that she would not come home again? We didn't have to. God stepped in. He told me that very day. It was clear as anything I have ever heard. "She will live". It was not an easy road. Its still isn't an easy road. We walk thru it everyday. Everyday when I give her medication in the morning and at night, I am reminded. When I hook her up to her monitor when I kiss her goodnight and tuck her in. When I tell her how special she is. When I tell her that God is the strength of her heart. (Psalm 73:26 the verse I hung to for over 3 months in the PICU). When I go and give her (and her brothers and sister too) one last kiss before I go to bed, and sit back and adore she sweet cheeks, her chub neck, and her pale/blue skin. When I am in bed asleep, and her monitor goes off letting me know something is wrong with her heart, and I race down the hall half asleep, but getting more awake with every beep I hear not knowing what is happening. Adrenaline kicks in. Its hard to go back to sleep after that much adrenaline has gone thru your system. Yet on a regular, if not daily basis, its my new normal.
You see, this is what gets brought up even more on the days when I am asked to re-live that day. All the moments I can barely remember, yet will never forget. Tonight I write. Not write for you, but for me. To capture some of these moments and feelings. Feelings again that I will never forget. For this, I am bitter sweet. Because, when I re-visit these feelings of despair, anguish, and fear, I can sit back and remember how big my God is, and how he loves me so. For tonight when I tucked my miracle into bed and I told her that God was the strength of her heart, and her portion forever. She said it with me. "Gobs my hawt, an my porpin foweber". Yes baby He is. He is mine as well baby, He is mine as well.

Life is Blogable

2010-07-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight at church we had a special Women's Bible Study. It normally meets on Thursday mornings, but tonight they had a special one for the women who are not able to make it on Thursday morning. I went. I of course loved it, Pastor Sherry always knows how to bring it...tonight was no exception...it was broughten! :)
After church I needed to get gas. I don't always like to get gas at night, but I had 3 miles to empty. Church is 20 miles from home. It was either get gas, or get stuck. I choose the first one. While there I see Eric. Eric is a VERY young (maybe late 20's) homeless man that frequents our church. I see him often, on Sunday I saw my friend (and hair stylist) Elsa cutting his hair. She is sweet like that. Tonight Eric went up to the lady at the window at the gas station and asked for something. I am not sure what, but when I saw him there I hurried over to him and we had a conversation. It went like this:
Me: Hi Eric, I will get you what ever you want.
Eric to the cashier: Can I have a soda and chips?
Cashier: what kind (she was a little pissy, but what ever)
Eric: Pepsi and Cheetos please.
cashier goes to get items
Me: I am Kathie by the way from the church.
Eric shakes my hand and nods his head. There is then this long awkward pause...
Eric: I knew you were from the church.
Me: Oh, did you recognize me from there?
Eric: No, its just people from the church always give to me, I never need to ask.
at this point tears were being held back. I gave that awkward silence now...I could barely speak.
Me: well, Eric I want you to know that we all love you, and pray for you, and if you ever need anything we are always here for you.
Eric: I know.
Me: Do you want anything else? Maybe a sandwich for tomorrow?
Eric: yeah, can I have beef? (said to the cashier as she was back now)
Cashier: I have turkey or chicken
Eric: chicken is good
The cashier then gives Eric his sandwich chips and his drink.
Eric: thank you
Me: anytime. I will see you soon, we are there tomorrow night again. Let me see if I have any cash for you in case I don't see you then.
Eric: OK.
we walk to my car which is done pumping gas by now, I open up my change drawer and give him everything I have...maybe $7.
Eric: Thanks, see you soon.
he walks away, I then tend to my car. Pull out the nozzle, put it back on the pump etc. The cashier then comes out of her "area" to have a cigarette break, and offers me one. I decline, but thank her. She then "fingers" me over to her. I walk over, and we have a conversation. Its went like this:
Cashier: so whats his deal? He just looks so young.
Me: I am not sure, I see him often at my church, he is very sweet.
Cashier: Do you know anything about him?
Me: Nope, but its not my job to know.
Cashier: so what is your job?
Me: I am just a mom. But as a Christian my job is to love him, pray for him, and care for him anyway I can.
Cashier: so you don't get paid to do this?
Me: No, I do it because I care.
Cashier: hmmm, interesting.
Pause...
Cashier: well, have a good day. Are you sure you don't want one to take with you? (as she lifts up her cigarette box)
Me: no thanks for the offer though, have a good night.
Cashier: you too.
I left there, almost unable to speak. So many things about that night. I cried nearly the entire way home.
I love blogable moments. but even more, I love that God ordains conversations thru our daily lives.

Its on...Lets fight.

2010-07-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

I have always been a bit of a feisty girl. I am the first one to stand up for what I believe in, have no problems arguing when I know I am right (and even when I don't know I am right...I am working on it). Many-O times I have found myself thinking "I could take him, its on". While in High School and College I played Water Polo. Its not a sport for the faint of heart. Nor for the weak. If you don't feel like being punched, grabbed, kicked, scratched, bloodied, bruised, being held under water for what feels like an eternity, I don't recommend playing. As, besides those things mentioned above what consists of the game, is you doing it back to people. There is a saying "What ever the ref does not see, didn't happen" well, just FYI the Ref can only see you from your neck up. There is a lot that goes on under water. A lot. So while at church on Sunday listening to a rockin' message by our incredible Pastor, I found myself wondering from the scripture he was reading. My heart strings were pulled by 2 verses, so I am compelled to share. I will get to it...just not yet.
So even though I find myself thinking I am the feisty girl mentioned above, why is it when Satan attacks instead of saying "its on...Lets fight" I give in, or give up? It doesn't happen all the time, but enough that it was on my heart and mind this week. Sometimes I feel like, "Its to much work to fight. He can have this one, but I am totally going to win the next one". I shouldn't do that. I have the ability to fight and win each and every time. He has given me that power. I don't even have to do it alone...He will fight next to me. Not only fight next to me, but even though in a few punches along the way when I get tired. I do have to ask for His help...and have the tools, but lets face it, that a heck of a lot easier then just letting him "OK, you got this one, but I am totally going to win the next one". A while back I read a book called "Prayer is Invading the Impossible" by Jack Hayford. The first chapter changed my life. Let me just give you a few things from the book "Prayer can change anything. The impossible doesn't exist. His is the power; ours is the prayer. Without Him, we cannot. Without us, He will not." "Prayer is not the mystical experience of a few special people, but an aggressive act in the face of impossibility-and act that may be performed by anyone who accepts the challenge of learning to pray." Prayer gives us the tool to fight and win...each and every time. Let me, help you God says...but you have to be willing to ask Him to help you. Sometimes I feel very lacking in this part. So many times through out my day I feel over whelmed, out numbered, and out witted. Its doesn't have to be this way. "The impossible faces us all. It storms, fumes, looms before us, stalks our days, presses upon our minds, bends our plans, stands formidably across our future, pierces our present, reaches out from our past. But there is a way to face the impossibility. Invade it!!! Not with a glib speech of high hopes. Not in anger. Not with resignation. Not through stoical self-control. But with violence. Any prayer provides the vehicle for this kind of violence." I like this...no, I love this. I love to mix a little bit of violence to my daily life! :) Remember the scriptures that I loved from Sunday...I think now is the perfect time to bring those up. The first one is Nehemiah 4:14b "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, and your daughters, your wives (or husband for me...) and your homes. " that's right, the bible tells me to fight for them! My husband, my daughters, my sons, my home. They are mine, and I need to protect to protect them, and prayer provides me the tool to fight with violence. Don't get me wrong if push came to shove, fists would be flying, but be rest assured, when fists where flying I would be in prayer. The other verse Nehemiah 4:9 "But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat." This verse is HUGE!!! Do you even realize how huge this verse is? When this was written the wall of Jerusalem was only half way up. They were working on it, but at only half way up, half of their city was only protected. For me, half of my family would be protected. 2 kids out of my 4 would have protection. It would not be something I would take likely. How would I handle it I would pray to my God, and post guard day and night to meet this threat. It goes on to say in Nehemiah that (4:17) "Those who carried materials did their work with one hand, and help a weapon in the other". How often do I go into battle un-prepared. Often, why? Because a thief comes in the night to steal, kill and destroy. He does not knock at my door while I am doing my quiet time with the Lord, as I answer he does not ask "is now a good time, or would you like me to come back later when you are more prepared?" No, he comes when I least expect it. He comes when things are crumbling around me, when life has got me down, and I feel un-prepared. This is when my past comes into play. No, not my glory Water Polo days where I learned to bite, push, bruise, kick, and scratch. But rather my past when I was preparing for battle. My spiritual past comes into play. My spiritual past when I prepared, I read His word, I meditated on His word, and I prayed. So when it came time to fight, I was ready. Ready with violence. Ready to win. This is why I choose to daily prepare. I choose to daily read His word, meditate, and pray. I choose that everyday when I do these that if the "thief came in tonight, to steal, kill or destroy"(John 10:10) I am ready, I am ready to fight, ready to win, ready with violence to take him on. While playing Water Polo our coach never would send us into a tournament un-prepared. No, rather we practiced, we ran drills, we worked, we studied plays, we studied Water Polo matches on TV, we slept, breathed, and ate Water Polo. Our coach gave us the tools we needed to fight, and to win. God does the same thing. Our coach never made us do it. But rather gave us the tools, and the desire to win, we did the rest. We fought. We fought to win. Win with violence. He has given me the tool to fight, and win. Not only that, but he gave me the desire to win. Win with violence. So today, I say "I am in it to win it. Its on...Lets fight". I am ready. Ready to win, and ready to fight with violence.

The Ear Saga

2010-07-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

So, Monday was a CRAZY busy day!! But...Crazy rockin' too! I expected to spend WAY to much money that day on things that I really didn't want to spend money on...mama needs a new pair of shoes, and I was convinced after Jim saw the bills from that day, I would be able to get a new pair in the year 2020.
9 am was our ENT visit. Since the ER tryed to hard to get out the bee bee, and mentioned most likely surgary...I half expected it. Well, ENT looks, brought up surgary, asking if he has ever had any, and said "well, I will try to flush it out with the high power flusher". IT WORKED! I am now I am the (not so proud) owner of a green bee bee. I may keep it and shove it in his 12 year olds ear one day...you know, just for fun. So, that ment no surgary, and no 30% co-pay for surgary. Total bill for that day...$35. NICE~
11 am Dentist appointment. for me, and all 4 kids. Yes, I am crazy like that. Last time Elijah and I went to the dentist (we have no dental insurance) we walked out of there spending $2137. 00 (I just found the old bill). YIKES... Not to mention the fact that I was going to be adding 3 more kids to that bill. I was scared. So filled out all the new forms etc. Got Taras cardiologys office to fax a note to dentist (with a note from Cardiology saying "don't make my baby bleed" how much do I love him, and love the fact that he loves my baby, and takes a little ownership in her) So, turns out Tara does need to be pre-medicated for any dental visit, so all the dentist did was look in her mouth and thought it all looked good. ~no charge for that, bonus~ Tori and Jakes mouth looked good, no cavaties :) and they both did GREAT for X-Rays etc. Elijah did have 2 cavaties...but they were on baby teeth that should be falling out VERY soon, so no fillings ~bonus~ mama had no cavaties either ~bonus~ So we cleaned, we polished we flouride rinsed and painted, we left!! Total bill $432 NICE~

As a treat after the well behaved dentist appointment we went to Grazianos for pizza after. Its a fun little pizza place with a few games, plus yumm food. (think Chuck E cheese, but with REALLY good food, and 1/16 of the games, plus barely any kids for lunch (we infact were the only ones in there ~bonus~ no germs and I did not look like a freak when I lysoled ummm everything) They had a little "family pack" with a Large Pizza, 4 drinks and a salad, plus 20 tockens for $20!! Total for lunch for all 6 of us $25 NICE~ ( I tipped $5)

We then started our trip home...Tara was cranky, and I went to grap her Pee night night (yes, I know, weird name, bu thats what she calls it, funny story, but she peed thru her diaper awhile back, and got pee on her night night, so when it was in the wash, and she wanted it I told her "no baby, it needs to wash your night night has pee on it" So when it was done in the dryer she took it out smelled it, rubbed it a bit, and said happily "my pee night night" it stuck...so she still calls it pee night night.) anyways, could not find the pee night night. Lost!! AAAH. I was freaking out, went back to Grazianos, not there...found it at the dentist fortunatlly, so got it back. Close call, to much of a close call, so we made a stop at Walmart on the way home and purchased another one. Well, it needs to be puked on, peed on, spit up on, and washed a gazillion times, but we found another...on clearance...$8 NICE~

So all in all, good day, and spend much less! NICE~
Bee bee out...total cost
$35 ped. copay
$100 ER visit
$154 Ear drops (not covered by insurance)
$35 ENT specialist
Total $324

Why I am convinced I need a seperate "label" for hospitals.

2010-07-09T22:29:00.000-07:00

So, last week when Tara was admitted, I realized that I did not have a "label" for just hospitals. I had one for Parks and Hospitals (funny, not sure what that was all about, but I will need to re-read that when I am not exhausted). So as of today, I will make a new label...for just hospitals. Why not...Tara after all has had LOTS of hospital trips. We also LOVE Huntington, so I might want to say something about them...I would label those "hospital". Tonight's post. I will label hospital... Why, because I spend the better part of today in the hospital.
Now, onto the story....or the saga, as life continues, and I swear my life will be on an ABC comedy show at some point.
So today around 1ish pm. As I am dealing with a sick little boy again (Jake, just can't seem to kick the virus Tara had), Elijah comes down from his room when he was "cleaning"...and we had a conversation that looked like this...:
Elijah: "hey mom, there were some bee bees in my bed last night, and I think one went into my ear."
Mean mom: "bee bees don't just go into your ear when you are sleeping, is there something else that you need to tell me?"
Elijah: "geesh mom, why don't you EVER believe me when I tell you something" (said with a total attitude, as he is 12 and knows EVERYTHING already, you know, fyi just in case you didn't know)
Mean Mom: "well, if there is something you would need to tell me, I would prefer you tell me now before I find out later".
Elijah: "mom, I told you I think it just went in there when I was sleeping"
think is now the key word that I hear, as I have heard this "saying" before when he was lying...
Mean Mom: "Elijah, I just want to remind you what happened to liars in bible times, and honey if I find out you are lying, I will not be opposed to those types of punishments."
as we walk over to my bible, as I am not totally sure what happened to liars, but I am going to find out!! (which is also why I labeled myself mean mom...)
Elijah: "fine, I stuck a bee bee in my ear"
Mean Mom: WHAT!!!
Elijah: "well, I thought I could get it out, but when I stuck my finger in my ear to get it out, I couldn't grab it."
Mean Mom: "let me see"
as we walk over to the kitchen to get my flashlight...and I see sure enough, a small green bee bee...shoved into his ear.
Mean Mom: "yes, there is a bee bee in there, call your Dad"
as at this point, I went to go to the bathroom...to wonder, and talk about my sons stupidity with God, myself, and the spider I found in the tub. Probably not the brightest move, but it worked.
So I talked to Jim. Told him how far it was shoved in there, and let him know I would be taking Elijah into the Doctors when they opened back up again at 2.
Mean Mom: "Elijah, were are going into the doctors, we are leaving in half an hour, DO NOT touch your ear. Leave it alone. The doctor will see if they can get it out. Put your hands on your head and leave them there."
Elijah: "GEEZ, I don't know why you need to treat me like a baby"
again, the spider and I had a chat....
when I was finished chatting with the spider I came out of the bathroom to find Elijah's finger IN his ear with his sister "holding" his ear out.
Mean Mom: "ELIJAH does DO NOT touch your ear mean anything to you?
Elijah: "I am not touching my ear, Tori is touching my ear, I am touching the bee bee".
I believe this is when my mind went crazy and I starting thinking of all of those stories of children being locked in basements, and me thinking how horrible those parents were, but me also wishing so desperately that at this exact moment, how I wish we had a basement.
Don't call CPS...we don't have a basement.
Needless to say, we left for the doctors early....
When they got there they looked at it. Said, "wow, that's impacted, he must have really shoved it in there" as he chuckled just a bit.
Mean Mom: "I know Kyle (there only child and 2) is cute and cuddly right now, but I just wanted to let you know, that in 10 years, this situation might not be as funny to you."
He then said "Ms. Carlson, you should get your PA (Physicians Assistant). It would save you a lot of money"
I agree...as I am fairly sure that my co-pays alone pretty much keep those office doors open. But alas, I am nice like that, (and don't have time to go to school) so I choose to clothe his child, and pay for his mortgage.
Dr: "well, do I even need to tell you whats next Ms. Carlson"
Mean Mom: "Huntington?"
Dr: "see, you should get your PA"
Mean Mom: "yup, can you also call and get a referral for an ENT just in case the ER can't get it out"
Dr: "when you get your PA I will hire you here"
Mean Mom: "no need to pay me, just give me back all my co-pays"
Dr: "well, I can't do that all upfront, might need to work here for a few years to earn them back"
$35 co-pay 4 kids...I might need to work there for life... :)
So off to Huntington...
They sent us to the "fast track" area. I was sooooo excited. I had heard of this "fast track" rumors I was convinced...or like a mirage, you see it, but can never get to it. Rumor has it, you can get in and our of the treatment area in 20 minutes...I was excited...So it was our turn, my mirage was coming true!
The nurse that Tara had last week saw me...she greeted me with a hug (thats not bad right?) she was really great last week...Vanessa. She then told the "fast track" doc..who is actually a PA (which I found funny) "treat them good, they are my friends".
so he came in the room with us...right away...no delay at all!! Looked in Elijah's ear, and said, "well, I hope I can flush it out, if not I will try to "pull" it out, and if all else fails I will suck it out".
Well, in short...He could not flush it out.
He could not pull it out.
All else failed, and he tried to suck it out.
as it turns out there was a 4th option he did not mention.
We left the ER fast track area...my mirage was gone. We were put into a "normal" room. Our 20 minutes were up. They called the ENT. Turns out she did not want to come out on a Friday night for a 12 year old with a bee bee in his ear.
We left the ER...about 2 hours after we left the fast track area.
We left the ER with a bee bee in Elijah's ear. His right ear.
We see the ENT Monday am at 9 am. I am not sure what she is going to do. There is talk about "anaesthesia" and "surgical". We got started on antibiotics today. For a few reasons. 1. not sure how clean that bee bee was... and 2. again with the talk of "surgery" and things. 3. there was a lot of other things "shoved" into his ear today... 4. the flushing most likely got water stuck behind the bee bee.
So, with the bee bee in there, he can't hear from his right ear...Great. Just another reason why he wont listen to me.

Home sweet home!

2010-07-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

Gotta love those cardiac kids and there "no reserve". My husband said it best to the ER nurse. Tara's idea of a fun time is cough, sneeze, septic. (Tara has gone septic 3 times just in case you didn't know). (and no, she did not go septic this time, but there was some concern at first because of her raging fever and it not comming down with tylenol and advil)
So we are home, she is feeling much better. Ending up being viral meaning no antibiotics, and she is fever free. Thank you for all your kind words, and your prayers. They were felt! :)
I will blog more later. But for now, my house is calling!!

Tara is admitted updating on carepages under taracarlson

2010-06-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

Why I can't find my house

2010-06-27T21:13:00.001-07:00

Well, we have had a crazy week so far!! Crazy not in a bad way, but crazy fun, and crazy bad, and just crazy hectic....Intreged...I hope so.
So this week will Start since Thursday. Since I am fairly sure I blogged on Wed....but not sure.
Thursday my older sister dropped off my niece and nephew Ty and Sarah (from my younger sister). they are the ones I watch during the week anyways, so when they got a trip to Puerto Viarta for a week they asked if I could watch them. I of course said yes, but then got my older sister to help out the first few days, as I was nice like that and let Jim recover a bit from jet lag first. When T my older sister dropped of the kids, she mentioned that Sarah had been cranky. Home sick I was thinking on the phone...after all, Lolo (her mama, my younger sister) had really only left her for 1 night before. Well, as soon as I saw Sarah, I knew it was not homesick, but rather sick sick. I took her temp, low grade, she was also banging on her ears, thinking ear infection I took her to the ped. I like to nip those things in the bud. Well, while at the doctors office Sarah was huggling me, and when the Dr. came in, he was checking her out, and she puked...on me. So there I am in the peds office, puke ALL down the front of me, a bit in my hair, and pooled on my lap...with 6 kids. 3 of them were freaking out "Sarah got puke on my shoe" 1 was freaked "ooooh, thats so grouse, I am going to puke too, it stinks" and the ped (he is not my kids doctor, but works in the same office, so he knows us well) says "well, its a virus, so expect them (pointing to the other 5 children) to get it"...awesome...then walks out, leaving me with puke down my shirt. So my momma instincts jump into play and I carefully get to the sink on the other side of the room, strip off my shirt, pants, and shoes, and place them in the sink, check my bra for chunks, wash off just a bit, wash my shoes shirt and pants out in the sink, ring them out, and put them back on. Walk out of the doctors office bidding farewell to the nurses, them saying "we will see you soon" getting strange looks from everyone as I leave with 6 kids, WET clothes, and kicking myself for wearing a white shirt that day. Walk downstairs, stop in the pharmacy to pick up Taras meds (we called to have them ready), said Hi to our favorite pharmacist John, who said "hey Kathie, looks like its one of those days huh"! I love our pharmacist. (just a little plug, its Sierra Pharmacy in Glendora and they ROCK huge! Like normally they DELIVER all our meds to our house, Taras meds get delivered every other week (normally on Fridays, but since I was there anyways on Thursday I picked them up), they include 6 lollipops, and 6 stickers (he knows I have Ty and Sarah during the week), and usually 4 sets of band aids (John knows my kids LOVE band aids, and when ever we are in there he loads us up with all the latest ones)...like I said, they ROCK!!
So we drove home, after loading 5 kids into car seats, and rolling down the windows, as I still stink. Got home, gave baths to all children, and me, made dinner, and put them all to bed. Sarah continued to puke thru the night, but by the next after noon, much better!
Friday, needless to say, we laid low! By Friday night Ty was feeling bad, and Saturday same thing, but woke up feeling great this am, so we went to church, then went to our annual church picnic after church. It was fun! Great food, lots of grass for the kids to run, giant waterslides, and lots of extra hands to help this mama out with all the children! Not to mention the ice cream, pie and all the other goodies!! (again, our church Rocks!) Tomorrow will be a day of laying low again, and trying to recover this house from the shambles its in. Maybe some laundry (as usual), parks, and playing in the back yard.
The kids found a frog tonight in our back yard. They kept it. They are really looking forward to "playing" with it again tomorrow. I hope they are not to sad when the realize that the frog ran away...with help from me...we don't need another frog. We killed the last one. Not purposely. In my defence, our dear friends The Kosjuks had just lost their precious daughter Reese, and I was heart broken about that, plus Tara was in the hospital, so very hard to be sure froggy had water while I was there....it shriveled up. Poor guy. So today Tori said "look, its froggy, he came back" I said "honey, things don't come back from heaven" "MOM, froggy didn't go to heaven, he ran away because he knew we were going to get a puppy and didn't want to be eaten, hasn't he gotten big" "oh, yes honey, thats right. I remember now, wow, he sure did get big". Yes, I lie to my children for the greater good. To spare them the heartache.
So there you have it, the last few days! I will blog more, after I can find my house....

Laundry Update.

2010-06-23T23:48:00.000-07:00

Well, remember my post regarging sorting the kids laudry into their own laundry basket, well here we have it, before and after! (so yes, I am airing my laundry on my blog, its just not dirty, its clean) So this is JUST the kids laundry and towels after being gone for 5 days and working for Jim. Thats right folks, 5 loads here!
So Before... And after!!!

From left to right you have Elijah, Jacob, Tara, Tori, and towels and sheets. Plus a few straglers on the couch of random items that had no home in the baskets. I am really liking it, it really streamlines the process for everything. The girls baskets are both exactlly the same, as they go up to the same room, so I washed their stuff together, and I washed Elijahs stuff on its own, and Jakes stuff on its own, and the towels and sheets by them self. I really like this, if I could keep up with it (which I have up until last week) it was so easy, just wash the load, then fold and give to the kids,or bigger kids as Tara and Jake dont put their stuff away, but Tori and Elijah do...well, Elijah throws the entire basket into his room and hopes it lands in an open drawer, as all of his drawers are always open...and his room is always a mess (seriouslly post on its own), but Tori VERY neatly arranges everything just perfect, color coordinates, then carefully puts it away in the right drawer, then closes the drawer, and checks to make sure everything else in her room is put away, as with Tori everything has a place and order (like OCD style...)

So there you have it, airing my laundry on my blog! I like the process, it works for us!

John 3:17 (and rambling trying to fit 2 posts into 1)

2010-06-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

I love when something you have read, or heard strikes you with a new accord, just as you need it. Today, it was done for me yet again. The verse John 3:16, everyone knows it...Say it with me now "for God so loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life". Good one. I like it, I love that my kids know that verse, as its one Christians should know. However, can anyone tell me what John 3:17 says? I tell you, I don't know if I have ever really looked at it, when referencing John 3:16 in the bible, I rarely pull it up...I know it. So today in my few minutes that I took for myself before I took my nap (because my kids gave me the best fathers day present ever by taking a 2 1/2 hour nap!) I read it, before, and after. I tell you, I have no idea why this verse is not something I have looked at or seen before, I don't know why its not written on my walls, or etched into my mirror in my bathroom. It might just be my new favorite!

John 3:17 MSG

God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again.

Grace, its good. Peace, its lovely. Mercy, its enduring. Help, its lifesaving. He came to help. Never did he come to accuse me (or you) about how bad we were before we accepted him as our only hearts desire. He came to help. I like help.

This week has been a challenge to say the least. *footnote, never blog and make dinner, I just burned Mac n Cheese...it is possible* I have been busy you know with my full time job. Raising 4 children, one with special needs. *another footnote, I am getting much better as using the term special needs, before I used to be almost embarrassed, now, it rolls of my tongue, as she is special, incredibly special* (and now another footnote, that is where I saved my post on Sunday as I needed to take Tara to the ER....more on that near the end of this post.) I have also been working for Jim this past week. So with my 4 kids, I have also managed the job site (on site). Not the easiest task (however I must say, I was probably the cutest supervisor ever in my heels swinging a hammer).
With Jim gone, I needed to step up where needed, HE helped. I was able to get thru past week, not on my own, but with help, from HIM. He came to help, and put MY world right again. Jim is home now, and while I (we) am still in the trenches with work as we are trying to play catch up on this past week together (as a team, I so love it), it felt so good, to know during the last 9 days, I was not alone, that HE was there to help me, every step of the way. I worked with Jim again on Monday, and Tuesday, but by today, my kids needed me, my house needed me, the laundry definately needed me!
Today, it was good to be home, its where I belong, however, I will still do what ever it takes to help my husband, we make a good team, and while catching some late dinner yesterday (seriously like 730pm) and we were sitting across from each other, he smiled at me, thanked me for all I had done the past week, and said "I like you coming to work with me, its like we are dating again, except I get to sleep with you at the end of the night". Yup, love you to honey!
So there you have it, I am now a working mama!
This week puts me into another busy week. My sister and her husband (Chris and Lolo) got this AMAZING trip given to them, so I have my niece and nephew for the next week (Tyler and Sarah).
So onto Tara now, and why the trip to the ER. On Sunday (the day I started this post...) Tara and Tori both woke with a bit of a rash, not itchy, but a rash. Didn't think to much about it, (I worked til 12:30 am so my sister (Lolo) had the kids til then). By Sunday night, the kids were starting to get itchy, I tried some hydro cortisone, some Calmoseptine, wasn't working...I gave Tori some benadryl, it worked, stopped within half hour, Tara (because of her heart) CAN NOT have any antihistamines, so, no benadryl. She was very itchy...VERY VERY itchy, like itchy enough that she scratched herself til she was bleeding. So I called her pediatrician, maybe she had a good suggestion. She didn't...she said go to Urgent Care, she might need a steroid shot. So we took her, not open...closed early on Sunday! So I called her ped again, and she said go to the ER. Lovely. 4 hours later, after seeing the doctor, we left with an ice pack...yup, doctors advice, put ice on it. $100 for the ER visit, for the doctor to tell me to put ice on it. So frustrating. I also have to watch her "scratches" and they could be a source of infection because she has scratched it so much. Thanks. Well, the good news is, she was so exhausted, and in her footy jammies, she slept good all night. Both the girls woke up not itchy, Tori's rash was gone, Tara's was still there a bit, but mostly because she scratched it so much. So we are better. I am not sure how I feel about any of that night. Frustrated, yes. Curious, of course. Overwhelmed, a bit. I just don't understand. The ice helped a bit, at least got her to fall asleep, why was that advice not given to me over the phone to save me $100. Our ped is most likely OVER concerned over Tara (she has been with her since the beginning) and the ER doc was so Ho Hum it wasn't even funny. So like I said, not sure how to feel, but frankly didn't have time to think about it to much, as Monday I was already up and ready to pick Jim up from the airport, and start the work day with him. How do other heart mamas go about it with no benadryl? Any other suggestions?
So there we have it, 2 post in 1, so sorry that I lost most of you, but I couldn't figure out where to stop the other, and where to start the next!

Your Story, John 14:11

2010-06-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

For Tara's 1st birthday, I handed out little candles, in a glass votive jar with the word BELIEVE on it (they were stickers, and I stuck all 150 on them...just FYI), I then tied them up with a cute little ribbon on cellophane, and put a little note card on it, with the verse John 14:11.

"Believe me when I say that I am the Father, and that the Father is in me, or at least believe in the evidence of the Miracles themselves".

I loved it. Tara is the evidence of my miracle. I already believe in the Father (You should too), but if I hadn't when Tara got sick, and stayed sick for so long, and survived, I would have had to have believed in something, based on the evidence of miracles themselves. Doctors had no "medical reason" for her to survive, she was clearly a miracle, we heard that, and still hear that, almost anytime we meet, or see any doctor. They read her chart, look up several times at her as they keep reading with their jaw on the ground, and say, "you do know she is a miracle right?" (one of the last times was at the IEP meeting last week as her case had to sent to the "medical team" for review) The nurse was just shocked, and by the time she was done reading she was in tears saying "she is extraordinary, you don't EVER see this, it doesn't happen, you must know that she has a purpose in life, she is a miracle"...yes I know (HELLO...Jeremiah 29:11 Hope and a future here! ) I didn't say that, but instead I agreed, and said "I serve a mighty God, who does miracles everyday, on that day, he choose my daughter." I don't say things like that just as a "ho-hum blah blah blah", I say those things, because Tara's story is a miracle. It deserves to be told, people should believe in the father based on the miracles themselves. Its Tara's story, and people need saved.

While singing in church on Sunday we sang one of my favorite new songs called "Story" written by Paul Stephens, and James Peak of the Movement Band (The Movement is our youth department at my church, I am soooo blessed to go to such an amazing church (The Cause) where such amazing music is coming out of, and even more blessed that Elijah is now a part of The Movement). The song goes "When they hear your story, might they be saved.." its an amazing song, I have the album blaring in my car right now, (its not available on itunes yet, or I would totally link it to here....). While singing it in church on Sunday (even though I had just heard it a few minutes ago in my car on the way to church) The Spirit put a new light on that song. When I first heard of it, I immediately put it with Tara, I mean after all, her story is incredible. However last Sunday, I realized, even I have a story, you have a story, Everyone has a story. How do you want your story to play out? How do you want your story to read? That you did a good job raising your kids? sure, that sounds nice, but instead of that story for me, I want it to read out a different way. I want my story to read, that not only did I do a good job raising my kids, but that I loved God with all my heart, I praised Him in good and bad, my story lead others to Christ, then their story lead others, I want to change a generation with my story.

Everyone has a story, when you die, how do you want it to read? If you do not know Christ, and have a personal relationship with him, you have nothing. I would love to talk to anyone who does not have a personal relationship with Christ, and tell you what he has done for me. You are the only one who can change your story. You write it, and then you die (sounds harsh when you write it like that, but its the truth). How will it read?

Qatar

2010-06-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

Jim left for Qatar today. I already miss him! :) Please keep him in prayer for the next week plus for safety, as well as favor for our business.
Also please keep me in prayer, as I am dealing with all the kids and the things that go along with 4 kids on my own this week.
I will update more later this week. Thanks for your prayers!
Love you honey, hurry home!!

The Haps

2010-06-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

OK, sorry for lack of posts...mom. As she is the only one complaining. So here it is.

Jim is fishing right now in the Sierras. I miss him. Hopefully he gets home Thursday...unless the fishing is really good, then Friday. Pray for no fishies... :)

Everyone is healthy!!! I know, big news! Tara is retaining some fluid, but I am fairly sure its because she has gained some weight since her last Cardiology appt, so we need to change her med doses...that's my prayer at least. I will give her an additional dose of lasix today. Just to see how that goes (yes, I can, I have permission) She has a budah belly right now. I would think it was cute if it was real...I don't think its real. Her panties roll down under her "bulge".

I am looking for a little pool for the kids for outside. Not sure which way to go. There are a lot of options. I really just want a "real pool" but am learning patience. The slip and slide is always a good option, but we just layed fresh sod...they recommend not "stressing out" your new sod. I am thinking a slip and slide might stress it out? But then again having 4 kids and a dog running on it all day seems like stress too. Or when Jacob pulled up 2 pieces of sod to "remember what it looked like before grass" seems like it could have stressed it out too. Or the fact that the other night I put on the sprinklers at 10pm, but forgot to set the timer, and when I finally went to bed at 4 am (I told you I miss Jim) finally turned them off could have stressed it out. So maybe the slip and slide is not such a bad option???

The kids L-O-V-E the new concrete we poured for them on the side. They are ALL now scooter maniacs. Even Tara. Yesterday I caught a picture (that I will not post here) of Tara riding her scooter in just her helmet. Yup, way to protect your self girl. She must be trying to get rid of her tan line from our cruise still...

Got a new coffee pot and I LOVE it....seriously love it. Its the Keurig one cup thingy? Really love it. Trying to find which coffee I like best. I think it was the first box I used, which I threw the box away, and can't remember what its called. But it was X-tra BOLD. I like bold coffee. I bought some other bold stuff, but lets just say my tummy had issues after. LOVE my coffee pot.

We had Taras assessment for her IEP. She was one ball of energy and in one of her super moods. Needless to say I am fairly sure she wont qualify for anything. I think they might have even though we were liars! :) She was chit chatty, and running like a maniac. I walked away from the meeting and told Jim, well, looks like we will be getting nothing! However they called me back because they want to re-test her on some things. They called me yesterday...Our appt is today...at 1pm. Nap time. So they will either see a sleeping girl, or a melt down. Not sure which one.

I lost my keys in my house on Sunday. LOST. I came home from church and then going to the store (with all the kids) and walked in with all of the bags, a sleeping kid on my arm, and my keys. I locked my car with them, but have not seen them since. My original thought was that perhaps I threw them away when I was clearing off the counters? Well, I dug thru the big trash that night (both of them) a bit, but really could not see much, so I waited til morning (Monday is trash day) So I put the trash cans on the curb, then on Monday before I took Elijah to school looked again for a few minutes. Did not see them again, but figured I would do a much better search when I got home from taking Elijah (he was going to be late). Well, trash was picked up while I was gone...drove up just in time to see my trash cans put into the truck. Hopefully they weren't in there. I have searched toy boxes, pantry, refrigerator, dryer, office etc. Can't find them. Sad.

I signed up Jake and Tara for a new preschool. I think its a good option. Its a Christian preschool called "Sonrise". They will go 3 half days. I like the school. They also have an elementary program, so they have a speech therapy person on sight (well, there is 2 campuses, so she goes between the 2), so I like having this option. PLUS added bonus, the teacher for the 3 year olds (which Tara will be in that class because YIKES she will be turning 3) has a daughter with a CHD. I like that, she totally "gets it". I will be working at the school 1 of those days per week to help keep the cost down. Its a private preschool, so double what we are paying now, but I think worth it in the long run.

Jim leaves for Qatar (in the Middle East, but not where there is fighting) on Sunday for 2 weeks. There is a very good possibility that this will not be his only trip there, and the 2 weeks there will most likely be a short trip. I don't want to go into it, but pray for peace, and for God to be VERY clear to both him and me. This situation is most likely why there has been a lack of posts, I am stressed to say the least.

So there you go. The Haps. Your welcome.

A different dream for my child

2010-06-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back, I posted about about a Different Dream for Tara. From there, Jolene Philo the author of the book A Different Dream for my Child emailed me. She wanted talk to me, I was honored to say the least. Well, this past week the 2 part article was up on her web-site, so I wanted to put it up here so that you all could see how amazing Jolene is. Amazing.
You can read part one here: and part 2 here: now since I am so not technologically savy, I am hoping those links show up...if not let me know. They were posted on the website www.differentdream.com if all else fails!! I will write more later about our week, but this was so great that it deserved a post all of its own!!!

color coded kids.

2010-05-17T21:27:00.000-07:00

I have read LOTS of organizational tips for having multiple kids. One of the main things that keeps coming up is color coding your kids. Like for when they are all in sports, just put the sport time on the calender marked in their "color". Everyone knows their color, so if they see something on the calender in their color, they need to be ready. Well, we are not there yet...my kids need to learn the date first. But keeping on that same theme, I like the idea. No fights over cups, no whining that one gets the blue cup when they got the orange cup...it could work. Well, I have started applying some of these ideas into my life...and I like it. The chore I hate the most, is folding laundry. I hate it. Its never done, and my love seat in my family room has a never ending pile waiting to be folded, or needing to be put away. So I have gotten each of the kids their own laundry basket. When its full, its their responsibility for them to bring it down to me (Tara needs help, but Tori and Jake can do it on their own (they are pretty small baskets). Yesterday was the first day it was brought down to me. Well, I washed the laundry (all 4 baskets fit into my washer at the same time), then folded it and put it into the appropriate basket for the child, pink for Tori, blue for Elijah etc. I like it. I think it really streamlines the process of putting it away. I think it also has great potential as the kids get older, and closer in size I can was their basket separate so I don't confuse whose is whose clothes. Now, I still don't like doing laundry, but I think I like this color coding thing. Hmm, maybe I should get Jim a laundry basket? Next step, markers in 4 different colors, and cups...baby steps, baby steps.

Colds

2010-05-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

I don't like colds. Well, I don't think anyone really "enjoys" colds. Me, its rather a despise. They freak me out. You see, 2 weeks ago when I started to get the "aches", the scratchy throat, the nasal congestion. I panicked. I was bathing in purell, staying away from my kids (as much as I can, I am there mama, they still need food, and there boo boos kissed), and praying that this cold would keep away from the kids. It didn't. Tori was the first to feel the sniffles, I kept praying in fear that Tara would get it too. She did. I don't like colds. Tara started feeling bad last Monday. Just a bit winey, and with lots of boogies. Since then its progressed. It usually does. You see, Tara has been hospitalized 21 times in her last 2 1/2 years of life. 16 of those times have been from colds...the common cold. A cold for Tara does not mean sniffles, and extra cuddles. It means pressure on her chest (as it usually turns into some type of pneumonia), its means extra visits to her pediatrician, it means no sleep for mommy, as Tara's heart does not like colds, and she has funk arrhythmia's, which means monitors going off all night long. I don't like colds. "We" are leaning how to keep her home (not at the hospital) during colds. When I say "we" I mean all of us (mom, Tara, Ped, cardio). She scares us...all of us. Normally Tara sats are GREAT! Like 98-100 great. Sleeping a bit lower sometimes, but for the most part, great. Today ALL day she has been 92-93. Last night when she was sleeping, 84-87. Not good. She is still holding her own. Acting normalish (a bit more tired, and cranky). I am trying. I like her home, she is fun, my other kids are fun, my bed is more comfy then the Cheds (chair/bed) at the hospital, snuggling with my honey is way more fun the pacing the hallways of the pediatric floor with a sick girl. I know that with Sats like she has now, if I took her into the ER we would be admitted. I am not ready to do that. I am learning, "WE" are learning. I am optimistic that we will be able to over come this cold without being admitted. Greater is He. I will praise Him no matter what. I made that decision during worship at Thursday morning bible study (sometimes when this happens I have to just sit and marvel at all He has done.). He is greater, more than I'll ever need, He is greater. If He never chose to heal Tara completely (which I don't think is the case), He is still Greater. When He does choose to heal Tara completely, He is greater. He is more then I'll ever need, He is greater. Either way I will praise Him. Why, because He is greater, and more than I will ever need. What about you? What do you need Him to be greater than? Health? Greater. Finances? Greater. Relationships? Greater. Loss? Greater. Fear? Greater. Worry? Greater. Greater is He, and more than you will ever need. I like that.

A Different Dream for Tara.

2010-04-23T15:27:00.000-07:00

A few months back my friend Victoria recommended a book. A Different Dream for my Child. I was hooked by the first chapter. By the 2nd Chapter I was in tears. By the third chapter I had to run to the bathroom (I was reading it in the airplane), and stay there awhile and compose myself. Jolene Philo might as well be me. Writing this book about Tara, and the dreams I had, and the dreams I have lost, and the hope. Hope in Jesus. I finished the book the same day I started reading it. Came home to ask a friend if she wanted to borrow it, but still have not let her use it yet. I can't let it out of my sight. Its that good. I knew it would be. With all that Victoria has been thru with Moriah I knew I was going to be in for a treat. I just didn't know how much of a treat. In reading the book again today (yes, I think I have re-read it 8 times now) I found this part and had to share. Be assured, these are not my words, but all hers (Jolene Philo), she just sums it up so well:
In such an agitated state how could I tell my hurting son to be quiet and rest when I couldn't be still myself? How could my restless presence be his comfort?
Somehow, however I sensed God whispering those same words to me while I rocked my son. "Shhh...Jolene. Be quiet. Lie still. I'm here" In those moments, I wanted to crawl into His lap, feel His gentle arms around me, and be comforted while I grieved my son's loss of another day of good health and my loss of another day of normal life: trick-or -treating on his first Halloween, pushing his stroller around the block, playing peek-a-boo in the evening.
At the time I didn't know I was grieving. Grief, I thought, was reserved for parents who lost their children. As the parent of a child who would someday be healthy again, this was ground I thought I was not allowed to tread. But I was wrong.
..."At some point, you do have to grieve and you do have to face what's happened, weather its your child living, but not healthy the way you dreamed...or if you actually lost your child. Weather you admit it or not, you are grieving, and you have to be able to reach out and talk to people".
I am grieving. I do grieve. I grieve for what could have been. What should have been. My dreams I had for my perfect little family of 6. My dreams I had on Sept 5th. The day before Tara was born. How I would hop right back into being a mom, cooking and cleaning, packing up to move into our dream house in just 2 short weeks after she was scheduled to be born. I was ready, I was excited, I was anxious. Then on September 14th I felt as though my dreams had been shattered. Not just dropped, but shattered like a precious crystal vase dropping on the tile and not being able to be pieced together. I couldn't even find all the pieces. They had shattered into a million pieces. The morning the nurse told me to go in and say goodbye to my daughter, was the day I started to grieve. Not grieving as some may think, as she is here with me still, but grieving what could have been, what should have been. She sits on my couch right next to me. Amazing me daily. But I grieve what could have been. I long for the days when a common cold didn't send me into over drive (more on colds a different day...). 19 admissions. My sweet little girl who deserves "normal" has had 19 admissions in her 2 1/2 years of life. That's not normal. But its normal for us...now. Its our new normal. Every day I am learning how to have a different dream for my child. 1 day at a time. Thru Gods grace and his love, I am learning to enjoy my new normal, and smile for all He has done for me.
"Shhh...be quiet, lie still. Listen to Him whisper. I'm here". (more from Jolenes book)
Dear Father, quiet my soul. Whisper to my heart, touch me with your hand and be present with me as I grieve for the small things lost today. Hush me. Hug me. Be here with me.
Psalms 131:2
I've kept my feet on the ground, I've cultivated a quiet heart. Like a baby content in its mothers arms, my soul is a baby content.

Big news in the Carlson house!!!

2010-04-21T20:27:00.001-07:00

What has this cute little girl been up to lately you ask?

Potty training!!!!

And doing fantastic I might add!! She amazes and inspires me...daily!!! We started the process on Monday. I did the same "method" I used with Jake (only about a year ago). Its Laura Jensons 3 day potty training. There is some "prep work" that you have to do, and I have been doing that, but the 3 days EASY!!!! (horrible for Jake on Day 1) Tara had 2 accidents on day 1, 1 accident on day 2, and ZERO accidents day 3 (today)!!!! Seriously this little girl is amazing!!! I am keeping a diaper on her at night (I did the other 3 cold turkey), but really we are still working with the new lasix schedule. I Talked to her cardiologist Dr. Fagen yesterday, he totally "gets it", he agreed to let us move her lasix schedule up to 4pm instead of 8pm for the next few weeks while she is working this potty training thing. But even with giving her lasix at 4 is it fair to put her to bed at 8 while her meds are still working to direase her? So we will wear diapers at night for a bit. She is only 2 1/2... So all in all, I am so proud of her and her ability to amaze me!!!! Not bad for a girl with brain damage huh?!?!?!

So now what you ask will I do with all the extra money we will be saving? Adding another date night into the mix? Vacation? A new car? New pair of shoes for mommy? A new purse for mommy to ditch the diaper bag purse? Proubably just paying medical bills.

p.s I just found the spell check button...your welcome mom.

5 little reasons why I love spring, plus some vomit because thats how I role.

2010-04-15T16:19:00.000-07:00

I took the kids strawberry picking at Cal Poly yesturday (the 5 little kids). I love taking them there in the spring, and once its open we proubably go once a week or so. The kids love it, plus I love the fresh strawberries (except this year there are not looking so good...sad.) Reason #1 Tara loves her some strawberries

Jake picks the yummies reddest berries ever.

Sarah just picks a few and eats them all (before I have to pay for them)

Tori samples them first to be sure they are tastey. (so half of the strawberries I bring home have a bite out of them)

The girls look like natural gardeners.

Now this little boy picks the most strawberries you have every seen and stuffs it into 1 basket.

Now this little boy Ty (my nephew) also has a little bit of a sweet spot in my heart. I have watched him since he was born. He was born with a cleft Pallet, and had surgary when he was 1 to fully correct the missing Pallet. He is my buddy. He is Jakes best friend/mortal enemy. They fight like brothers. Best friends one minute, worst enemies the next. So while driving out of the Cal Poly parking lot Ty asked "Auntie Kat, do you have a bag?" very calm and hohum mannered I very calmy answer "yes Ty, why do you need it?" (it had strawberries in it at the moment so it was going to take some work) I look back at him in my rear view mirror just to see some vomit fly towards me hitting my rear view mirror. I quickly put on my super mom outfit and dump out the strawberries onto my front seat while negotiating a right turn into on comming traffic, while looking in the rear view mirror and seeing Ty with his hand over his mouth and every so often his eyes bulging out of his sockets as he is still heaving, I quickly give him the bag, just in time for him to vomit the rest into the grocery bag (did I mention it had a hole on the bottom). I quickly make a U-turn and say a little thanks to God that my mom only lives about 1 mile away from Cal Poly so that I dont have to drive home with vomit all over every one and every thing (yes, including my rear view mirror). As we are driving to my moms Ty looks down and says "hum, thats funny, I must have eaten peanut butter today". Hmm Ty, yes you must have. *no he is not allergic to peanut butter, he says this because he thinks he sees peanut butter in his vomit*

Family vacation 2010!!

2010-04-14T18:49:00.000-07:00

Its sad...We have not taken a family vacation since 2006. 4 years ago. Someone very important was missing at that time. Our family of 5 had a great time in Australia. We came home and decided to have Tara, to make us a family of 6. We have not taken one since then as an entire family.
So while this was happening at my house...
This is what was happening on a cruise to the Carribean as a family of 6+1.
(Jims Aunt Tami "TT" was kind enough to stow along with us to help with the munchkins.)

My boys are so handsome!

Blue skys, turquiose ocean!

My Jakey Bakey! *was seriouslly baken in the toasty sun! That boy can't tan, just burn...*

Elijah mastered the Aqua Jump with flips!!

Tara looking in at the kids and dad swimming.

Its fine, we had spider man there to help us out...

Elijah snorkled any chance he got...including the pool at the hotel!!

brother and sister duo. Yes, that is the ocean they are standing in...clear blue ocean!

This little girl had a blast! Seriouslly she is cute as a button!

Fun in the sand!

Swimming in the pool!

We had so much fun together, and hopefully dont wait another 4 years to do it together!! They kids all did great, and had lots of fun!!!

How to learn to swim.

2010-04-14T18:39:00.001-07:00

If you want to learn how to swim, you ask your mom and dad to take you on a cruise to the Carribean. You do a lot of swimming in your life Jacket...

You and your brother swim with rings...

You put your head up and hope for the best...

then you just swim away from your mom!!!

You also get pretty brave and go under water with "magic goggles".

And thats how you do it folks, "You just do it".

How amazing are these

2010-03-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

I am changing some things on my blog today. Today I moved someone from People I think I know because I crashed their blog, to friends we love. On Sunday we had the privledge to meet Catherine. http://www.catherinelaceyphotography.com/ She took some AMAZING photos of our family, and truely captured the best of all of us as you can tell by this sneak peek. You know, just a few of the nearly 1300 pictures she took of us!! If you are looking for someone to take some amazing pictures of your family, I highly recomend Catherine. Amazing, and I am so glad I can now call her a friend.

you can see more pictures on her website www.catherinelaceyphotography.com and go to clients.

Tori's first T-ball game.

2010-03-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

I have so much more to blog about, but in the meantime!!

Tori had her very first T-ball game on Saturday. She was a bit nervous about starting...after all, "how are people going to know I am a girl"...Well, it was incredibly cute to watch, everyone knew she was a girl *could be because she shakes her hips when she walks onto the field* or it could be the pink bat, pink helmet, the pink and purple glove, or the pink ball that she took up to the tee to hit...what a girl!! Well, she got the game ball that game...for "awesomeness" but he told me after it was because she was very aware....you see, when someone on the other team hit the ball EVERYONE, yes everyone, including the first base person, runs to get the ball, its like a race, and who ever gets there first wins, and yells at their other team mates, no its my turn!!!

No order...so the coach pulls them aside after the first inning, "ok, ONLY the people who are close to the ball go get it, not everyone, we want to get the ball and throw it to first base" he got an "Ok coach" from everyone. Well, guess what happend the very next inning. Yup you guessed it, everyone ran...except Tori. Tori my sweet little girl stood there. Looked up at the coach and shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes and says "I just told them, boys never listen".

Psalm 55

2010-03-16T16:51:00.000-07:00

Listen to my prayer O Lord, Do not ignore my cry for help! Please listen and anwser me for I am overwhelmed with my troubles...

This was Tori. For the last week "Louise" has been missing. Louise is her American Girl. She loves her, she sleeps with her, she takes her to church because she put up one of the best arguments I have ever seen from a 5 year old...."mom, I love her, and when I die and go to heaven, I want her to be there with me, so she needs to go to church to hear about Jesus" "well Tori, when you get home from church you can tell her all about Jesus then, I dont want you to loose her" "mom, would you let Jakey stay home from church and just let me tell him about Jesus?" you make a good point... Missing. The last place we say her was under the pool table last Wed. when Ty and Sarah were here. The only other place we went was Church on Thursday morning, so we were fairly sure she was lost at the house. We have looked all over. All of us. There was a reward involved... by me. I was lost without Louise too...for diffrent resons of course!! The $3.73 cent reward was sitting on the counter waiting to be claimed. Today, with 5 kids here (Ty and Sarah) we set out again to find Louise. After all, we are talking big money here. Thats 3 toys at the 99 cent store. HUGE!! Not to mention the special shopping trip. So after looking most of the morning, and still no Louise, I was getting worried. Wondering if I could find one on Craigslist or something (she has literaly been heart brocken with tears every day) So while the "babies" Sarah and Tara were still asleep, I sat the kids down, asked them to hold hands, we were going to pray, Pray for Jesus to be our eyes and our hands to help us find Louise, after all, he led mommy to her diamond a few months back, and he cares for what we care for, Jesus loves us that much, that he wants us to be happy. So we prayed together, The 4 of us Ty, Jake, Tori, and me. I told the kids if 2 or more agree, it shall be done in His name. The kids all prayed, very serious prayer, "Jesus, be our eyes, be our hands, help us like you helped mommy (or Auntie kat), please help me be able to buy a squirt gun with the reward money so I dont get to hot" they set off, ready to be Jesus' eyes and hands. Within 1 minute (not kidding) Ty screamed out "Jesus lead me right to her, I was His eye balls and he found her, He does care". What an amazing lesson my kids and I both learned today. Pray...first, not a week later. We have been looking for a week, why was she not found, because we didn't ask to have Jesus be our eye balls, He does care, he cares for what we care for. Why didn't we pray when she first went missing? Could have saved everyone quite a bit of heart ache. Pray first, then find.

Side note story to celebrate we decided to go to the park when the "babies" woke up, I said "ok everyone lets get our shoes on" Ty said "I can't find my shoes" Jake said "come on guys lets get together and pray" cutest thing watching them on the stairs holding hands "Dear Jesus, please be our eyeballs, help us find Tys shoes, lead us to them because you care about us going to the park" I found them right after and Jake screams out "it does work, Jesus lead you right to them". Yes Jake, prayer does work.

Tidbits

2010-03-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

Jake "mom, I dont want to take a bath, I already changed my undies today"

Tara after her telling me what she wanted about 10 times and me not understanding her and her getting frustrated "I pookie" Pookie is one of Taras books that she loves, Pookie doesn't tell his mommy what the matter so the mommy has to guess. Tara likes me to guess... still have no idea what "anano" is.

Tori last night "goodnight mom, goodnight Tara, goodnight Mac, goodnight Elijah, goodnight Jake, goodnight American girl where ever you are." Tori lost her American girl at the house here last Wed. Last place it was seen...Tara walking to the kitchen holding her. We have searched. I feel bad, she really misses her.

Jake "I am not being mean, I just hit her with my toy, she was not being patient and loving"

Tori after praying for a "big pool with a diving board" every night for dinner for months a few night ago said "Dear Jesus, since you dont have enough money for a big pool with a diving board just any size pool thats big enough for a diving board is fine...and bless this food even though I want steak."

Elijah "pretty good report card huh mom"...hmm maybe he just doesn't understand what "good" means....1 B (in PE) 2 C's, 2 D's and 1 F. Hmm, pretty good compared to???? "Yes Elijah, I am very proud of you for getting a C- in Social Studies...this is much better then the D plus you squeked by with last report card...However the F in Science that you were getting a B in last report card I have issues with...isn't Science your favorite subject?"

The braids.

2010-03-11T22:19:00.000-08:00

Tori has a friend at Chruch, Camdyn. Tori really likes Camdyn, she talks about her quite often. Not about how nice she is, or how nice she dresses (which is a very Tori thing to say...she is vain) but how beautiful her hair is. She always has more then 5 "ponies" in her hair...they are "twisties but not braidy, but twisty, and there are a lot, more then 5 twisties but not braidys". Its a big deal. She asked the other day if I could make Taras hair like Camdyns. Twisty, but not braidy...I tryed....At least I got the more then 5 ponies down.

Bonus though, when we saw Camdyns mom at church she said she would teach me how to do the twisties, but not braidy, but twisty. Tara liked the twisties, (that ended up being braids), she kept them in for a full day...Note to self, remember the ringlets I showed you a while back...she has body in her hair, if you leave braids in for 24 hours, it might not ever come "down". Tori liked it...she said it looked like Elijahs "fro" which he was really sporting a few months back, It did...

Dinner is in 10.

2010-03-11T22:07:00.001-08:00

I love Costco...

Right now, I love Costco even more. Really, what other grocery store can you go to, spend $400, and still not have anything for dinner...

Right now, we are in baseball, to say we are busy is an understatment. I like quick and easy meals for baseball season. McDonalds is our friend during baseball seaon. We literally have 20 minutes between getting Elijah home, and off to baseball practice. Not a lot of time for dinner...until costco!! they have this fantastic Teriyaki chicken there. It said on the package ready in 6 minutes. Really, how good can it be if its ready in 6 minutes, I figured proubably better then McDonalds, and cheaper. A family of 6, $30. We tryed it, and we liked, we liked it, because we tryed it (Ok, maybe we have been watching Yo Gaba gaba to much...) I made the chicken, (stir fry style) made some minute rice (ready in 5), steamed some "trees" (broccolli), and made my favorite again from Costco, Cherry Almond Bleu salad. Thats right, from the moment I decided I needed to get dinner made, to it being on the table, 10 minutes. That left us 10 minutes to eat....not bad!! Dishes...Well, those will still be there in the morning. So next time you go to Costco, pick up some Teriyaki chicken...Try it you'll like it, you'll like it because you tryed it...actually you will like me because I told you about it.

The end of an era...

2010-03-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

Today marks the day...its the end of an era...The sippy cup era. Well almost! Today I cleaned out the sippy cup drawer. Tori and Jake at 4 and 5 are getting to old for sippy cups to be used on any sort of regular occasions. I started thinking this last week while unloading the dishwasher and noticing that Tori and Jake had no sippy cups in there, just Tara. So for one week I have been keeping a running total (in my head) on how many sippy cups of theirs were in the dishwasher. Grand total....1 1/2. The one should really not count though, as Tori got Tara a cup of water, and asked if she wanted it in one of Toris big girl cups (meaning her princess sippy cup), and the half, well, its only the bottom half because thats how they drink at my house now. In "big" cups. Breakfast, at the table with somthing to drink, lunch same thing, dinner, same thing, when we go to church, they have water fountains. I got to thinking when the last time I had actually made them a sippy cup to drink out of, and I think it was at disneyland where I knew we would be out all day and juices there are about $4! I have also made them some at my moms house, but they have "big" cups there and can sit at the table. So the era is finished. I have packed up all but 2 sippy cups of theirs (for disneyland, and long trips) and Taras sippy cups are all alone. Bottles, gone, sippy cups, 2 out of 3 isn't bad, whats next...perhaps diapers? (ok, wishful thinking, but she had gone pee in the toilet at least 2-3 times every day for the last 5 days on her prompting) My babies are growing up!!

Waffle Morning

2010-03-02T10:27:00.001-08:00

Every once in a while Jim takes the morning off, and does a Waffle morning. Its the kids favorite time, (and mine too) Jim cooks waffles for everyone (from scratch not bisquick), and I am just in charge of making coffee (handled). The kids get soooo excited and pull up chairs to the counter and "help" dad. And of course by "help" I mean taste test! yes folks, he is THAT good. He works, eats, and makes waffles.

He is actually talking to one of his clients in this one. Real work saying "yeah, I am running a bit late, I wasn't getting out of the house with out making waffles for the kids this am".

the 4 munchkins ready to "help".

Jake had to go pee, but I still loved this picture!

Tori is soooo very excited. Waffle days are usually her idea...and by idea I mean she says "dad, remember that your the best dad ever and you make waffles better then anyone?" "yes Tori thanks" "can you do that again so I can remember?" She suckers him in every time!

Jake a bit to busy eating to actually smile (yes folks, he did get dressed during the process)

Tara thinking she was a big girl with a fork, and by big girl I mean hold the fork in your right hand and eat waffles with your left.

10 years

2010-02-26T19:53:00.001-08:00

10 years ago today, I married my best friend, the man of my dream, a hunk a hunk of burnin' love. My Jim dear. So for todays post in honor of 10 years, I will list 10 things I love about my husband.

10. he's hot.

9. he is the most generous man I have EVER met. He will literally give you the shirt off his back.

8. He lets me stay home with the kids, and be a mom and a wife, and doesn't complain if dinner isn't made and on the table when he gets home...instead, he feels my pain, and orders pizza.

7. he is funny. Not just funny ha ha, but funny make you pee your pants funny.

6. God is his priority. We come a pretty close second, but God is first, I love that.

5. he is hot...I know I already said it, but have you seen him? Its worth 2 points....

4. he works hard, very hard. He works hard, so I can be the best mom I can be at home with my munchkins.

3. He is a great dad, the kids love him, and he loves them. His is the dad that all the kids want, you know the one who ~ahem~ buys really expensive RC cars for the boys for Christmas even though Christmas shopping is done....

2. He loves me completely, and fully. With all my faults, I am still the one he wants to come home to, and for that I am glad, because truth be told I am waiting for him with open arms!

1. When I look into his eyes at night after a long day, not only do I see our 4 amazing children, but I see Jesus in his eyes.

I love you honey, and can't wait to see what the next 10 holds...and the next 10...and the next 10...and the next 10...and the next 10...you get the point!

Great Week

2010-02-23T13:29:00.000-08:00

Jim and I had an amazing time on vacation (so did the kids!), so I will show you just a few pictures (we took like 250 of them, so only a few!) to leave you green with envy! It was just beautiful, and belive me, pictures do not do it justice! Swimming with turtles, fishies, and hiking in the lush rain forest was just amazing! We had a great time ~not relaxing as we were busy the entire time~ but great time! Met new friends, and slept soundly all thru the night! What more can you ask for!

Jim and I hanging out on the beach after a long snorkle along the island "Kline Bonaire"
Jim snorkeling!

Fishies...did you know that each fish "poops" about 1 ton of white sand per year from eating coral? Just a little bit of useless information for you!

beautiful coral (that the fish eat to poop the beautiful white sand...)

We suffered thru this beach in Grenada! I know, it was just amazing!

Lush rain forests, with beautiful water falls in Domonica

one of the 365 water falls in Domonica (they have black sand beaches there from the volcanoes.)

What we woke up to in Grenada

Jim and I in St. Thomas right after we finished swimming with the sea turtles.

Amazing time! Next vacation....hopefully soon!

Vacation!

2010-02-14T15:46:00.000-08:00

Well, its been a long week....
Tara was admitted to Huntington Memorial again this week (did I just talk about that!) for Retro-Cardiac Pneumonia...what that means...well, if I understand correctlly, its a pneumonia that "hides" behind the heart. A normal x-ray does not pick it up...however, our cardiologist is AMAZING, and he did pick it up. So after nearly 2 weeks of fevers, cough, and yuckies, we were admitted got some IV antibiotics on-board for a few days, and came home. First night they could not even get an IV in my poor girl (after 6 failed attempts) they finally got it the next am. They put LOTS of fluid in her, and started the antibiotics right away, and in 24 hours I had my girl back.
Well, becauase she rolls like that, Jim and I also left for vacation together on Saturday am. (Grandpa is staying with the kids til Friday, then Grandma is taking over) We flew to Puerto Rico, to then hop on a cruise ship to the Southern Caribbean. Can't stay we have enjoyed Puerto Rico at all, infact Jim and I keep joking that its a "Griswald" vacation! If anything has gone wrong, it has. I will blog more about it at a diffrent time (to vent:) but lets just say when we got on the ship I said "I am so glad we are on pricess because now we know that everything will be an excellent choice" and for anyone who has traveled on princess cruises before knows that in the dining room, you hear that about a million times: "I will just have tap water" "excellent choice" makes me feel good that no matter what, I have always made a good decision, wait not just a good decision, but an excellent decision! So while still in port in Puerto Rico, I am glad to be on the ship looking out at a beautiful city, but with a definate sour taste in my mouth about how they treated us. ~sad~.
We have booked out future cruise with them (well, at least put a deposit on one, so what ever you put down you get back in on board credit with your next one), so we will cruise again with Princess in the next 4 years! (knowing us proubably in the next 4 months!), booked our shore excursions (power snorkeling tomorrow) and looking forward to spending some time with my hubby over the next 7 days, and napping, and sleeping all night...yes lots of sleeping will be involved! Jim woke me up this am at 930 and I was startled...just out! So I told him I needed 5 more minutes!!
Pray for the kids (and Grandparents at home) that they have a good time, and everyone stays healthy. Tara is having a tuff time I think...when we skyped them earlier today Tara was excited to see us, but when it came time to say goodbye she was not happy. I think its just been a ruff day for her, poor girl, she was so used to mommy holding 24/7 the last week its hard. I am sure she will start to have fun soon, buts its still hard. So keep her in your prayers. I will blog again in a week, after all, I am on vacation!

Tara is admitted we are updating on carepages.

2010-02-10T22:50:00.000-08:00

Conversations with Jake

2010-02-04T19:58:00.000-08:00

well, since I did one on Tori, I will do one for Jake as well.
First leading up to the conversation.....
Yesturday (my birthday) Tara was having a really hard day. She was sick the day before, but still holding her on. After her billionth apnea the night before I new we would see the doctor first thing in the am. So I got ready, got all the kids ready, dropped Elijah off at school, dropped Jake and Tori off to school, and was first one breaking down the doctors office door! (so much for sleeping all day on my birthday which is what I asked for, Jim had to go into work early) The doctor (who normally doesn't see her..big mistake) said, "well, she has a virus, most likely she will get worse before she gets better". Awesome totally what I wanted to hear....So I put her in the car, and drove to the grocery store (we needed juice and cereal.) Tara fell asleep, sleep thru the grocery store, back home kept sleeping. Tryed to wake her to give her some juice, she took a sip, then had another sip, and fell asleep, juice in the mouth. Raspy breathing, harsh coughs...not waking up. Needless to say I took her in (did I mention its my birthday???) but not before I had to pick up Jake and Tori and school...Yup, 3 kids under 5 in the ER for 6 hours...fun. So with no further ado...here is the conversation:
As Tara is getting a line put in...
Jake: "mom can I have a spider man too" (a spider man is a iv to Jake)
mom: "no Jake, Tara is not feeling good bud, plus is hurts a bit thats why she is crying"
Jake: "well, it has to hurt a little to become spider man"
mom: "well, not this time, this time its just Tara"
Jake: "aaah man, Tara gets all the fun stuff!!"
Mom: "yes she does...."
*Tara is home now, still not feeling good, but we are working on it...hoping to stay home*

tori's picture

2010-01-30T13:57:00.003-08:00

Mom "wow Tori, that is a beautiful picture you just painted what is it of"

Tori "its you on your cruise in a cristal dress"

mom "a cristal dress? did I buy that special for the cruise"

Tori "yup at Nordstroms"

*girl after her mamas heart*

mom "wow, I love my new dress, what is that that I am holding in my hand?"

Tori "a cocktail"

*thats my girl*

Happy Friday!

2010-01-29T12:20:00.000-08:00

I love Fridays. I am not sure why, its not like I get the weekends off! But I just love everything about them! So I will try to do a weekly post on what I am happy about for this past week. I might have to add one bummer thing too, just because weeks arn't always just fun and games!
so with no further ado...

1. Starbucks...I just love a yummy cup of coffee in the am, and today I treated my self to one!

2. FREE babysitting date night! My father in law stayed here this past week to help Jim with some work (to get us cought up before our cruise), and watched our kids on Wed. so Jim and I could go out. Great dinner (Myabi our fav.), not so great movie (leap year) and fun times with the hubs.

3. My moms family came in from Canada this week. Always fun to see them even if its just for a a few days.

4. Tara started finally feeling better from her yucky thing this weekend. We were in the hospital on Sunday, and just was not right til Tuesday.

5. New books. I love getting new books for the kids, especially Sandra Boyton books. My fav. So here is a video of Tara "reading her new book" with mommy.

I know, the video is not the best, but I am so proud of how well she is talking recentlly. Saying "oh no" and "oop"! Cute little girl!

And now for the bummer....

We got Elijahs progress report. I didn't think we were going to get one, because after all, we are checking his agenda, and signing off on his homework every day. So when I recieved a progress report for 3 classes saying the reason he is falling behind is because of homework assignments not turned in, I flipped. Failing 3 classes because the homework he is doing he is not turning in to the teacher....his reason. "well, she never asks me for it". Your right Elijah, the blanket statement to the class saying "pass up your homework" (yes, I called the teachers this is what they do) is surely not meant for you, they need to call out your name speciafically....Lets just say you can lead a horse to water but you can't force them to drink....I feel like Jim and I should be getting an A for effort, we have done all we can...his homework at least is getting done...if only he would turn it in....I am threatening to walk him to each and every class next week...In my star and moon jammies, fuzzy slippers, and not brushing my teeth yet. Just to be sure that he turns it in...in each class....I told him to save me a spot at the lunch table and make a sandwhich for me. Upon walking him to his class yesterday I hope he knows I mean business! I will go back to Jr. High if thats what it takes!!

some pictures for the week.

2010-01-29T12:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I decided to upload some more pictures for this week. Most of these Elijah took with my camera, no to shabby!
Aye matey! Well, actually "Aye mater" if your jake!

What do you do when your niece dumps a box of cereal on the floor and the table? Oh thats right, ou go and find your camera and tell her to say cheese....

our project at the house...We took out a slider (it was to the right of where the tv is now, and the tv was cornered above the wood coffee table) now its centered on our covered fireplace that was all brick and looked hideous, a wall where the slider was, and a cabiner will be put all around the tv to "build it in"....and hide all the cords! I am really happy with how it looks, but wish it was going faster! Beggers can't be choosers! My BIL is doing the work for us!

Elijah snagged my camera and took some pretty cute pictures!

Tori thought that after the bath her and Tara should wear matching panties...that lasted about 2 minutes, but I did manage to capture a picture with them in it. I know Toris hair is long!

Those fighting eyes

2010-01-22T23:15:00.001-08:00

Tonight Jim and I went to go see a movie. Extraordinary Measures. There was a scene in the movie where the doctors came and talked to the parents. There daughter had just crashed on the table in front of them, I was there in my heart. The doctor came out and said "we are cautiouslly optomistic, she has a fight in those eyes".
At one point with Tara when all hope was gone, Jim and I went to the doctors, and said
"look, she is a fighter, you can see it in her eyes". Every day I look at her, I see that same fight.

Dear Mac~

2010-01-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

Mac, while I know its been tuff being cooped up in the house for 5 days, and really missing going on your walks, playing in the back yard with Elijah, or choo choo training it down the slide with Tara, diapers are not the thing the grab from the trash can. Just because you can reach in somthing, does not give you permission to grab it. Please. They are gross, they were on Taras butt, and really with that absorbant liner in there, I am sure its can't be good on your stomach. So please know, they are off limits. And while I am on the subject, bathroom toilet paper is off limits too. Just because you can reach the roll, it does not give your permission to run it upstairs to show me what you have....leaving a trail behind you.
As well, dearest Mac, I know you dont like the rain. Frankly I dont either, but alas, you need to go to the bathroom outside when we tell you to go out, even if it is raining. Last night when I tryed to put you out before bed you stood outside like I was the mean mom. Yes I realize it was hailing basketballs just moments prior, but I waited til that what over to put you out. A light drizzle will not kill you. After 5 minutes outside I figure you are done, so I let you in, surely you did not stay huddled up right next to the door while I finish some last minute things, surely after 5 minutes you managed to pee right? Well, one would hope, because I put your in your night cage then ventured upstairs to take a hot shower. Dear Mac, at 11pm kids are sleeping, and I dont want them to be woken up by you barking or howling while I am in the shower. Its not cool to start it when I have shampoo on my head, before I have been able to soak up the heat of the shower, thus making me hurry, and never feel the benefits. I realize that you needed to go to the bathroom because you didn't just 10 minutes prior, but still, you had the opportunity. When I did let you out, just because its hailing again does not mean you dont have to go to the bathroom, you still do, just like you did the previous time. After 10 minutes of you crying at the door tail between your legs, I let you back in, put you back in your cage, then get cozy in my nice warm bed to finally put my feet up after a very long day, and you Mac, my love start barking again...really? again? 1 last time I let you out, aaah, relief. Now that wasn't so bad Mac right? Next time can you please just pee the first time?

Knock on wood.

2010-01-19T17:05:00.000-08:00

Well, if I was superstitous thats what I would do, but since I am not I will shout it from my blog!!!

ITS BEEN ALMOST 3 MONTHS SINCE TARA HAS BEEN ADMITTED!!!

This is amazing!! Even when I saw our favorite ICU nurse at chruch on Sunday (Erol) he even commented on how long its been since he has got to put a line in my baby...ok, its a little weird what he misses, but still....we know he loves us.
This is a record. Tara has been admitted 19 times in the last 28 months, so you catch my drift...it was actually 19 times in 25 months really. Its hard, it puts a strain on the entire family. We shuffle our other children, we take time off work, we get behind on our laundry, we eat out way to often (however is not totally a bummer as our favorite resatraunt is right next to the hospital Fortune Chinese, YUMM), we lack vitamin D from never leaving the hospital, etc. Its pretty much every 6 weeks that we get admitted if you work it out....not cool. Its hard, we miss our other kids, we miss our bed, and Jim and I miss each other. We were warned when she came home that this would be our new normal, we were not prepared for it to go on this long, they said a year, but later after talking to a nurse she said "we were just being nice, its a forever thing". Well, forever for them is not forever to us, as we have God on our side! Right now Tara has Dilated Cardiomyopothy with Congestive Heart Failure, this in lame mans terms means "things don't work right". She functions so amazingly well when she is not sick. She functions normal in heart failure, its what she knows, she has been dealing with it since she was 8 days old. However when she gets sick, its not fine, things start shutting down (quickly) because of the CHF. Her lungs have a hard time, we have to double and somtimes triple the amount of lasix we give her just to get some pee out, she slows down, thus making her be admitted.
We have spent holidays in the hospital, birthdays, anniversaries, and special events. The sickies have no time line.
So for us to be home since October 23rd, its amazing...no, its God.

OH, and the bestest news of all!!

2010-01-12T23:49:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I forgot to tell you!! Tara who is VERY delayed at speech tested late November at a 9-12 month level when she was 26 months. A little hard to take as a mom, but I knew she was slow. The Pathologist even said that she is more around the 8-10 month level but because she understood she bumped her a bit....thanks. SOOOOOO the good news! Today she was re-tested. A full 12 month level! No we will bump her up a bit, a full 12 month level! I think it was her new favorite word that put her over the edge. "maybe" my new favorite word from my sweet little girl, bumping her right up to a 1 year level. Way to go Tara! Proud of you baby girl!

Well ok....

2010-01-12T21:07:00.000-08:00

I guess I should post some pictures...because you love them! Even if you don't comment (mother) and ask for me to update the blog by a phone call....:)

Tara has the greatest curls ever! I love them, and just after we get out of the bath before she sleeps on her hair they are the perfect little ringlets. So for those of you who are not here at bathtime, enjoy my babies ringlets...that she must have got from the milkman, that and her blue eyes...

pretty little girl freshly out of the bath and smelling pretty!

moms vaccuming, feeling a little tired, so I guess I will take a nap right.....here.

Tori playing with my camera, cute Jakey boy, even out of focus with somthing on his nose, but I did promise Tori I would post it on the story with Jakey in the mud....

Oh, and for anyone who thinks I dont have any pictures of Elijah, I do...he is just up and is saying "dont post that I dont have a shirt on" well, the most recent pictures of him...he doesn't. So I will respect his wishes with a warning. Put a shirt on at home or I will post them....

Wow!!!

2010-01-12T20:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, proubably not note worthy at all, but since its my blog, I can do what I want!! Yippee! I love my new computer. My old (brick) I mean computer was dying a slow and very painful death, taking the hard drive, and my sanity with it, so Jim bought me a new one. (I did have my last lap top for 7 years, so I guess it was time) and we noticed a few things....1. WOW, computers are a lot cheaper then they were 7 years ago, 2. there is a lot of cool things that new computers can do, 3. maybe it wasn't our internet connection at all, but rather my old computer, 4. did I mention how pretty it is?, 5. I LOVE putting new pictures on it now. Its so easy to store the pictures, it practicully does it for me! My old brick I had to pretty much go one by one, and it took oh I don't know years to upload :) . Ok, maybe a bit of an exageration, but really I think I just uploaded more pictures in 1 time in about 5 seconds. LOVE MY NEW COMPUTER!
Oh, and on a side note, Jim had computer envy once he saw all the cool things mine could do (and I was totally not willing to share yet!), so the next day he bought one for him too...(well, the fancier version, because he like to roll like that!) Copy Cat.

Fear

2010-01-07T23:14:00.000-08:00

Ok this is proubably just a very raw post, with no funnies, just me rambling a bit of my feelings. No pictures, no laughs, just real.
Recentlly (well, the last 2 years I guess) I have been struggling with fear. Not the ooh, whats that crack in the wall kind of fear or did I just see a shadow kind of thing, but the gut wrenching fear that can bring you to your knees and make you cry kind of fear. Now dont get me wrong, as I know who my Savior is, and I know He will never leave me, or forsake me (Romans) but still, I have this fear. I can get down to the root of it, and I know how it all started, but first I will back up a bit. I am the more layed back type of mom. My kids learn as they go. When searching for a house, we bought a house that had the stairs leveled meaning if someone was going to not hold onto the rail and fall, it was only going to be a few steps, so we have 4 steps then a landing, then 4 steps another landing, then 2 steps then tile. The worst that can happen is they fall 4 steps and hit carpet, or fall 2 steps and hit tile. But hopefully in the process they learn that the rail is not just a suggestion, its a tool. (Little did I know that Jim dear would learn this very valuble lesson about 1 week after moving in. Jake, Tori and Tara have never fallen, Elijah (who takes the steps like 5 at a time...I know there isn't 5 but you get my drift) has fallen several times, and Jim fallen twice. So the layed back parenting works well for me. There is boundries, limits, and consequences, but they can help themself within means. So now down to the root (as sorry, I just took you on a journey) When Tara got sick, I had this guilt. Guilt that has let fear come in. Horrible guilt that I should have cought her being sick so0ner. I was her mom, why didn't I know that her core body tempature was only 94 degrees, why couldn't I take one look at her listless body and know something was wrong? Why when she was having troubles eating did I just think it had to do with breast feeding, and not realize sooner that she just couldn't eat as she was so sick, her heart was sick. All of these little things, that I honestly rack myself with guilt over then and still now. Now, the little things I notice, not only on her but on all of them, and this is where the fear comes in. I am paranoid. A few weeks ago as I was giving my last kisses to my kids before I went to bed I noticed Tori was a bit cold, so I went and got the ear temp thing, I took her temp, it was 95...I couldn't sleep, I covered her up with more blankets, I checked on her every 20 minutes all night long, and I must have listened to her heart about 80 times that night. I even woke up Jim. I kept thinking for Tara when we found out she was cold, it was then only hours before she was crashing on the table. Well, needless to say, she was fine. Could have been that the house was only at 60 degrees that night....my point is I let fear take hold of me that night. It wasn't even with Tara, and I let the devil come in and destroy 6 hours of sleep for me because of fear. We talked, I dont think he will be messing with my sleep anymore, I believe I may have made him pee his pants with the talkin' this mama gave him.
So now, even with this overwhelming fear that sometimes consumes me, I will find rest. Rest in the Lord, Rest in His faithfulness, Rest in His goodness, and Rest in His protection over my family. Rest. Rest in Him.
aaah. That felt good to get that off my chest.....

What does Christmas with 4 kids look like?

2009-12-27T22:32:00.000-08:00

A bit of a blurr....

and....A LOT OF FUN!!!!

Hope you all had an amaizing day celebrating our Saviors birth!

Tori's birthday party

2009-12-27T22:19:00.000-08:00

Look who is 5!! tori decorating her cupcake at home after a very busy day!

She had an amazing time with even more amazing friends at the american girl cafe.
but of course couldn't start the day with out getting all of the girls hair done at my favorite salan in San Dimas Platform.

I had just as much fun that day as Tori did!! We started the day at the salon with donuts and OJ, with all of the "little" girls getting their hair done. (Tori, Mia, Mikayla, Lexi) from lt to rt. then we continued on our journey to the American girl store, where we all had lunch together (yumm food), Lexi's mom Ashley joined us (www.kostjuk5.blogspot.com), and Mikaylas mom Kelly joined us, as well as our friend Amoreena (who was so excited for an excuse to go the the American girl store!)
We had an amazing time with friends, and it was a day Tori will always remember, then closed the evening out with dinner at our house with friends and family decorating cupcakes, and eating Tori's favorite yummy spaghetti. Thanks for all that was involved in making her day super special, we love you all!

Special bond

2009-12-27T22:09:00.000-08:00

I have always seen that Tara and Mac have had a special little bond going on, but not until recentlly was this moment cought on picture. Sound asleep together.

Tori's first date

2009-12-04T22:40:00.001-08:00

My sassy little girl had her very first date tonight. She knew how to do it!! She got her hair done, her makeup done, and her nails done. She got her prettiest dress pressed, and she was ready. (she even wore perfum to smell good). She looked like the princess she is, and she knew it!!
Her date came to the door with a beautiful bouquet filled with pink carnations with a single red rose in the middle. *she decided to take those on the date with her*
There was dinner, and dancing, plus lots of coloring. Infact her date even brought home a picture that her drew for her. She also came home with a new necklace. He treated her like a princess, I think he set a standard. She is upstairs in bed with him right now, she just couldn't get enough of him.

everything had to be perfect. I believe she might have this "diva" thing down I can't get enough of this girl!She is just so beautiful A tear was in my eye when she was getting ready to leave. I guess This is a pretty good guy to go on your first date with!
We love you Tori. Please take tonights date as a standard. You are a princess, and deserve to be treated like one. Just know, when its with anyone else, you dont get to take him to bed with you!

This is why.

2009-12-04T22:38:00.001-08:00

This is why when people who dont know Tara very well see her sleeping, they freak...A little blue/pale.
We love her!

All about me!!!

2009-11-16T09:27:00.000-08:00

My friend Victoria (Moriahs mom) www.momentswithmoriah.blogspot.com did this survery, and I liked it. So here it is, all about me.

Who was your favorite celebrity as a child? Madonna! What can I say, I was a Material Girl!

What type of pets do you have? 1 dog here, and 1 dog that is due is December that will join us in Feb.

What is your favorite color? diffrent shades of green, I really like most colors except yellow though.

What is most memorable about your high school years? I would say winning CIF for Water Polo when I was only a Junior in H.S. and playing on the boys team. Or swimming in CIF for the first time.

What word describes you best? Willing. If I see a need, I like to help.

What is your greatest accomplishment? There is a ton of accomplishments I am proud of, but I would say my greatest, would be Tara. You never know how strong your faith is until its tested, and I feel I passed the test. I guess all that late bible studying, praying, and reading paid off!

What drives you every day? My Toyota Sequia!! :) ok I guess my family. All of them drive me in diffrent ways. Elijah drives to to get up every morning way before I want to, Tara drives me to get up in the middle of the night (several times), Jake drives me right to the grocery store, and he might just starve to death, Tori drives me to learn to see the beauty in things (everything is beautiful to here), and Jim drives me crazy. Ok, he actually drives to to (cover your eyes mom) fall more madly in love with everyday.

What is your favorite food? Roast beef and Yorkshires are my favorite meal (yummmm) but I would say type is Mexican.

Where do you want to retire? where ever my kids are! I can't imagine them living somewhere else and me here. Is it sad that I am ready for grandkids?

What is your business goal this year? wow! Thats a lot. I think just growing the business in short...but still enjoying everyday with each other.

Where do you like to vacation? I just like vacations. I am pretty happy no matter where I go! I like to camp, fish, cruise, stay at a 4 star hotel etc. As long as I am with the ones I love, its a great vacation!

Who do you admire? This is easy...my mom. My mom is the most amazing person I know! She raised 4 kids, pretty much by herself (my dad traveled about 300 days a year), we lived in Canada, so with us young 4 kids she would do everything on her own, including shoveling snow!! Then when my dad got a job here in the states, she packed up the house, said goodbye to her family, and closest and dearest friends, and went. Not only to another state, but another country. 2500 miles away from her friends and famiy, by herself, with 4 kids. Oh, and did I mention that she is an amazing women of God? And that all of her 4 kids are not only loving God, but serving in ministry? Amazing....

What is your mission? the lost.

If you were invisible, where would you go? I dont understand this...I am a big girl, if I want to go somwhere I will, I dont need to be invisible. What am I suppost to say the boys locker room? OH, but maybe I would follow along with elijah to school one day....

What traits in others are you attracted to? their heart

What is the kindest thing anyone has done for you? so many people stepped up when Tara was in the hospital, they made us meals, they moved us, they watched out kids, It made me see that people really do love others, and the kindness of strangers in amazing.

How do you want to be remembered? that I loved God with all my heart, and that it showed everyday.

What would you do with a million dollars? Give it to Jim and let him decide. I am not good with money...but I think he would pay off the house, and build me a pool....right honey?

If you were on an island, who would you want to be with? Bear Grills. He could get me off the island and back to my family by teaching me what bugs to eat, how to stay warm, built a sheleter, and how to drink my own pee with out dying....
What you dont know who Bear Grills is? he is the ultimate survivor man!!! look him up...google him.

Why?You have a 10 minute speech to give at a high school, what is it about? your character. That if you look back in life at your most memorable moments, it wont be time when your lost your virginity behind the school gym (dont worry, thats not where I lost mine), or prom night your senior year, or even the great school party. It will be your wedding, the birth of your children, watching and listening as your children accept Christ. Prom? I can't even remember what our theme was....

pictures, wow, wasn't as long as I thought!!

2009-11-13T23:19:00.000-08:00

This is one of 3 blogs posted today, so keep going down!!
Ok, the random pictures of the last 5 weeks!

Seriouslly how can you get mad at this face?

OH, thats how!! Yes, all this drama because I wouldn't let her take pictures on my camera!

My scary dragon, my perfect Pablo, the finest fairy, and the criple....literally!!

Jim and I going into Cabo, so much fun!!

I also added a video of my shy little Tori girl, that was playing with my phone, found a song, and started dancing. yes, she will be locked up when she is a teenager.

Trying to play catch up!!

2009-11-13T22:45:00.000-08:00

ok, I am bad, I know!! Its been 5 weeks since I had a new post! And yes, things have happened, and I did not share with my bloggy friends, or others.
Well, first things first, Jim and I went on a MUCH needed vacation!! Yes, just the 2 of us. We had a great time together going on a cruise to the Mexican Riviera. It was so nice to just be the 2 of us. Infact we were thinking about it, besides our honeymoon (which was just a 3 day Mexico cruise) we have never gone away for this long before by ourself where I was not pregnant or had a kid with us. It was such a fun time. We took lots of naps, (lots of naps....) ate lots of food, swam, shopped, and went on this really cool zip line adventure. Hopefully at some point I can put those pictures onto here, because seriouslly it was amazing! Right now I just can't find the disk...I will have other pictures later, but my photo skills were seriouslly lacking on vacation, as I think I took about 3 pictures....
Tara our little pricesss/pain in the butt was also admitted to the hospital a few days before we left for vacation. She had been running off and on fevers, and was just not getting any better, so she got admitted. Fortunatlly They found the source of infection right before (seriouslly like less then 24 hours) we left on vacation. It was really hard leaving her, but I knew she was in good hands with my sister.
The other munchkins lived it up here at the Carlson pad with Grandpa. They had a great time together, and I am not sure who enjoyed it more, grandpa or the kids. It made us (well, ok mostly me) feel so good comming home to a clean house, clean kids, and smiles on their faces. I felt so good comming home, that I am ready to go again!
So many other things have happend, but I sure can't remember a thing! Its been busy to say the least. Then I was thinking last week, boy I need to blog about this, but didn't know how to start it back up again, so here I am back into blogging, and promising that it wont be this long until I do it agian.
Oh, and the promised pictures are taking their sweet time to download, and with out my cruise naps that I am still used to, I am on no energy, so I will do it tomorrow (or the next day, or perhaps Monday) but they will come!

Indescribable.

2009-11-13T22:32:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, I had to amazing opportunity to be there when Jims cousin Brian went from the temperal to the eternal. What was even more amazing then that, was to watch his amazing Wife Jen, watch, and hold his hand, as he entered the presence of our Lord. What true strength this amazing women has. She quoted scripture to him, and herself. She stood strong thru this difficult trial, watching, praying, and strengthening others along the way. What an honor and privledge to not only call her a friend, but family.

My "Really God" moment.

2009-10-02T12:30:00.000-07:00

I know, so its not the best picture ever, but hopefully you get the message.

Last week, as I was hurrying trying to get my house ready for people to be staying for Jims cousins surgery, I poured some bleach into my toilet bowl, and was running around doing other things (like anwsering the door, taking care of children etc..) well Tara my big girl helper decided to get Mac some water...from the toilet bowl. Well in bringing the in his bowl to the TV room to give him a sip, needless to say she is only 2 and some fell. Remember the bleach in the water bit? I was mad. Not at her, but myself, and frankly God too. After all I was having some stress. You know just a bit. Well lets just name a few things.

1. bunches of people at my house (where I loved it, its not the same where I get to curl up with my hubby at night watch a bit of tv in my jammies, and not have a bra on til noon if I dont want.)

2. Elijahs brocken leg

3. did I mention I got a speeding ticket on the way to take Elijah to the hospital for his brocken leg?

4. Jims cousin in hospital with Cancer, with your mortality check into overdrive especially since he is the same age as us.

5. Tara and Jacob got sick with really high fevers, and because Tara is Tara, I was very worried we were going to end up in the hospital.

6. My mom was in Canada seeing my aunt and Nanny (it always helps to have my mama here when things happen)

6. just being a mom to 4 kids. homework, school, fights, clean up, laundry, etc. Life doesn't stop just becuase life goes into fast gear.

7. hubby is self employed....and I dont know if you have heard or not, but we are in an economic crisis. Just FYI for anyone who doesn't watch the new, turn on your TV, computer, or talk to anyone.

8. We are getting audited by the IRS next Tuesday. Somthing about charitable giving. I guess IRS doesn't tithe, or believe people who actually do....

9. Jim got admitted to the hopsital for chest pains.

So as you can see the carpet is just a thorn in my side. I mean really, its carpet, but still, its my carpet. Its not like we can afford to re-carpet or do what I really want to do, and put hard wood on my floors.

Well, last night as I was getting my house ready for the weekend (I dont like to clean on the weekend anyways, plus I am at my Womens advance all weekend) and I was vaccuming, I got that bitter feeling in my stomach again when I saw "the spot". Then as I sat down, still bitter I had the God moment. The moment where He speaks to you and says "really? I have saved your daughters life, I have saved you, I have made you a family, I have provided you with a beautiful house in a great neighborhood, I have kept your husband employeed and working where other contractors are literally dropping like flies. do you think I would do that to you? leave you with somthing with such a bad taste in your mouth?" so last night sitting there drinking my cup of tea before bed, I gave it to God. Yes, gave him my spot on the floor. If he can clean my heart, he can clean my spot.

Well this am after giving my spot to him, Jim got a few work calls for Really big projects comming up. Nothing is set it stone yet, but it was my confimation that I needed from God. Even the least of these are His. He loves me and takes care of everything I care about...even my carpet.

Prayers Pretty Please!!

2009-09-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

I already know, you dont need to remind me....I am suppost to be putting Taras story on when she got sick on here. I just can't figure out how to copy and paste onto this...its not letting me. If someone knows, please do share!!! Please....
Now to the why the Pretty please Prayers:
Last weekish (seriouslly time is now one big flop now, could even be 2 weeks ago...) Jims cousin Brian was in the ER and was told he had the swine flu...They also did a CT scan on him and determined he had a mass on his Kidney. Well, now as time goes on, the mass on his Kidney, at 13cm big..(yikes) Is Cancer (double yikes). They are also seeing spots on his Lungs, and liver. This is a young healthy man, he is 35 (36 tomorrow) with a beautiful wife (jen) and 2 great kids (Zack and Nate). Tomorrow he is going if for surgery to remove his Kidney. Please say a prayer for him and his family. Jen (his wife) was also admitted to the hospital on Friday for dehydration. As you can be imagine its very hard to take care of yourself while in the midst of a trial. Prayers are appreciate.
Thanks, oh, and dont forget if you know how to copy and post on here let me know......

Boys, and their boyness!

2009-09-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

So planned on talking about This...(Tara 2 years ago)

but alas, instead we will talk about this!! Elijah asked if he could go "riding" before dinner tonight. I said sure, just bring your cell phone (sometimes I need to call him and let him know its been an hour come home!) and put your helmet on (of course). So I have spaghetti on per Toris request, and just boiling the water to put the noodles in when the phone rings. I see its Elijah so I anwser, and he is just screaming. I can tell he is hurt, so I ask where he is and he says just go up our steet and turn right. So I get in the car with the other 3 kids and we go searching for elijah. He is not up our street and right so I look around a bit and call him back. (still crying) he said "I don't know where I am, just hurry it hurts" poor kid. I go around for a few more minutes looking and finally find him. (down our street, left, then left again up a steet and right....but what ever) I see right away that his finger is hurt (bent) and that he has some nasty road rash all over. We go home and clean up a bit, and call Jim to see when he will get home. In only about 1/2 hour so we wait for him to come home. At this point I knew we were going into the Urgent care or ER. So Jim gets home and Elijah and I head out. When we get there it is PACKED like I have never seen it. Crazy, and we wait, and wait, about 2 hours in the waiting room. We get backed they get the road rash cleaned up and bandaged, and do exray on his anckle (which both the doc and I agreed most likely just sprained) and his pinky (again doc and I agreed most likely brocken). Well xray is done, and I ask if I can see them. She says no, but she puts them up for the doctor to see when we get back and puts us in our room and I go sneak a peek...my kid! And even I notice the LARGE break on his leg. OOOPS!! So he broke his Fibula, and we see the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow to decide what to do. Oh, and did I mention his finger was fractured as well? An upward fracture? not sure what that means, but just a finger splint will do I guess! OOPS again!!!

So tomorrow, or Wed. I will write about our little princess Tara, and her story (readers diagest version of course). but until then, why am I always in the ER on September 14th!!!

a cup of coffee

2009-09-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

Today the middle ones started pre-school. So at 9am I have Elijah, Jake, and Tori and school, and Tara still sleeping. Now I sit by my computer sipping on a fresh cup of vanilla nut coffee. What could be better then that!!
I will be posting another post later about the tales that enspired 2 years ago today, when we were told to say goodbye to our sweet little baby girl Tara.

Taras 2nd birthday!!

2009-09-09T17:43:00.001-07:00

This is actually post number 2 for the day, so keep clicking down!!!

This past Saturday we celebrated Tara's 2nd birthday with a Backyard Birthday Bash with Blood Drive!! It was so much fun! USC blood donor center came and took blood from friends, family, and neighbors in honor of our Miracle baby (guess at 2 she is not really a baby anymore) girl! They were able to collect 33 pints of blood!!! We celebrated with a HUGE water slide and bounce house, lots of yummy food (if I do say so myself!!), friends, family, and nieghbors. It was so nice to just hang out with everyone, and have such a good time. Friends came that Jim and I havn't seen since our Wedding, nurses came, even Taras cardiologist came to join in the celebration! Everyone said they had a great time, and I say God bless disposable serving trays!!! not good for the environment, but good on my back for not having to be doing dishes til 3am like last year!!! Here are a few pictures of this years celabration!!

what we did last week.

2009-09-09T17:30:00.001-07:00

I am so impressed with how well Mac does with all the kids! Tara just loves on him, and can't wait to hold him, hug him, and ride him....She pulls his ears, checks his teeth out, pulls his tongue, (and his ummm...parts as well...), he is so good, and just loves her back. We love him to pieces, and if anyone has any intrest in getting a dog, highly recomend the Silver Labs. Just soooo good with the kids as you can see by the next few pictures: Seriouslly, I am so impressed at how well he does!! tara giving Mac a hug! We also celebrated daddys birthday on the 2nd, so we made chocolate cake with chocolate frosting!! Here is a picture of daddy eating his birthday cake! (dont mind all the laundry on my dest/chair/everywhere!!) we made lots and lots of cakes!!! WE made 6 for Taras party, plus one for daddys birthday!! chocolate cake for daddys birthday (this is just the chocolate frosting, makes a better picture!) and of course lots of this still....Fortunatlly she is feeling much better now, so they have stopped!

Taras birth story (9-6-07)

2009-09-06T21:00:00.000-07:00

For some of my new readers/bloggy friends, I thought I would share Taras birth story since its hilarious. (you know, you can laugh at these things now...)
On Wednesday the 5th I had my normal OBGYN appt. He checked me as normal as I was 37 weeks along (longer then I had kept any of my other kids, I have a very inhospitable womb!). When I say checked, I mean he was IN there, up to his elbow!!! He said I was 4 centimeters, and it would be any day. As any women knows, after they check you, you get some contractions going on, but nothing to bad. I went home, and by noon, I was leaking...stuff. I assumed my water, so I went to the hospital, got checked in by 4, got a nurse, and she said "no, you are just peeing your pants, it happens" "honey, you will know when its your water, you are not even 1 cm dialted, you have weeks to go." SUCK!! I didn't know you could re-gress on dilation....I went home, made dinner for everyone, and walked around with a make shift diaper out of towels, as I was leaking all over the place, literally!!! I gave the kids a bath, and put them into bed like any normal evening.
By 11ish I was trying to go to sleep, but the contractions were just a bit uncomfortable, so I took 2 tylenol and went to bed. At 1130 I was woken up (and woke everyone else up to) with the most uncomfortable contraction. Seriouslly, I was screaming!!! Jim who was already asleep asked if I was ok, and I said "aaah I am in labor, I need to go to the hospital NOW, I NEED DRUGS!!!!!" he said how long how you been in labor "about 10 seconds". Needless to say he wanted me to have more then 1 contraction!! By the second contraction I said "call the sitter, we are going to the hospital NOW" He called the sitter, and by this time I was screaming, banging on the wall, yelling at anyone and everyone, and anxiouslly waiting by the door for the sitter to drive the 15 minutes to my house. By about midnight I told Jim get in the car we are leaving now, I dont care if he is not here!! Needless to say he got there as we were pulling out!! Jim is the most cautious driver known to man, but I made him speed!! He was being so good at first, but it was getting really bad, I was banging on the ceiling, hitting my head on the window anything. At this point, no break between the contractions. I even told jim at one point, "I need to push"!!! As we were getting closer, I told him to call the hospital and tell them to meet us out front with drugs. They asked how long I had been in labor for, and when he told them half an hour, they didn't .....So we pulled up in record time after running every red light, and stop sign with speed. Jim ran in to get someone, and I saw the ER. I was going in, they had drugs and I was going to get them. I was screaming and hunched over "GIVE ME DRUGS!!!" "GIVE ME DRUGS" I was serious. The security guy pushed me thru to the labor side down the hall as I am sure I got stares. As I was walking down the hall I saw a nurse and said "can you give me drugs, anything, I just need drugs, please" I was crying, screaming and begging. No such luck. I get to labor and delivery, and they come get me (I was pretty loud I guess...) and the nurse is telling me to calm down, there is a long way to go. She gives me a cup and a gown, and tells me to get dressed and give her a urine sample. I am screaming for drugs, but she said no pee, no drugs. So I went to the bathroom, and tryed to give a urine sample. I was shaking so bad I couldn't hold the cup. I got Jim to come in to help me and pleaded with him "you need to hold the cup, I keep dropping it, they wont give me drugs til I give them pee". So being the great honey that he is agrees to hold the cup for me. He gets down there, puts his hands there, and without warning, at 12:06 am out pops my little girl!!!!! He catches her, and puts her on the ground, and spins her around trying to un-wrap the cord from her kneck, and pulls the little "help" cord and says calmly "we need some chucks pads and some hemostats in here"
Nurse on the other end "what for sir"
"for the baby"
"what baby"
"the baby my wife just had"
"#%$& WHAT!!!"
Lots of dropping, and words were flying around, but needless to say about 5 nurses were there in about 5 seconds.
They put 1 hemostat on the side where Tara was, and cut the cord, and I sat there on the toilet with the cord in my hand for quite awhile....Lifting it up so I didn't bleed to death. They took the baby, and did what they needed to do with her and I just sat on the toilet screaming still I needed drugs (I felt ripped off!!)
After about 20 minutes they finally come to get me and lay me down on the bed as I am still holding my cord, and I asked Jim to call my mom who was going to be there for the birth. She got there, and the nurses finally called the doctor who arrived about an hour and a half later (yes I am still holding my cord) Needless to say my mom got to see me deliver the placenta, proubably not the same excitment!!!
The doctor FINALLY gave me drugs, and I was a happy girl holding my sweet little 6lb 11oz 19 1/2 inch baby girl with red hair and blue eyes.
She was just absolutely beautiful, and perfect in every way. I counted her fingers and toes, and admired her piercing blue eyes, and her chunky cheeks (yes even at 6lbs she had cheeks on her")I thought she weighed so much more then that she just looked chubby!!
She had perfect little arms, perfect little legs, perfectly round head, and a perfect heart......
Yes, my girl was born with a perfect heart. Undamaged, perfect and whole in every way.
That story will be next week....
Baby girl,
You came into this world like crashing thunder. You supirsed us all with your fiesty little attitude even then. We knew then that we were on your timing, and things were going to be your way or the highway!!! You captured my heart with your sky blue eyes, and your fiesty red hair. You were perfect, and tiny, and I was in love. Little girl, you have been thru some much in your short time here, and I am amazed by your strength. Most people dont go thru this in their lifetime, and you have done it in 2 years, yet you still push on with your fiesty attitude. I can't imagine our family without you, as you bring in a completion that we never had. You tought me how to have patience, you showed us how to pray, You showed us how incredibly generous people and strangers are, and how family unity is so important, but most importantlly you showed us that miracles do happen. I am so proud of you baby, and I am honored that God chose me to be your mom, and its a privledge and an honor everytime you say "mama".
I love you Tara Lorraine.
Mom

hospitals, parks, and hospitals?

2009-08-24T23:37:00.000-07:00

First things first, We had a weekend with my niece and nephew last week.
Why would anyone have 5 carseats in the car, carrying 6 children you ask? (Elijah taking the picture) 5 kids under the age of 4.....Well Sarah my niece at some black berries....turns out she is alergic! So we went off to the doctors office with 6 children where we had to wait about 1 hour (we had no appt...) Needless to say there were lots of tears, lots of duck duck goose, and even more stares. (Mostly at me I am sure, as I was tyring to entertain 6 children any way possible.) We got some medication, and were on our way....until later. When everything started to swell even worse. Poor girl! She is really allergic!!! So Auntie Kat (being the awesome Auntie Kat that I am spent the night in the Urgent care with her, then up til 4:30 am with a cranky girl. Tori and Tyler playing Castle. One of Toris favorite games!! Jake being jake!! what a good big brother!! Tara being the puppy! 2 extra kids joined the crew for a weekend! My nephew Tyler, and niece Sarah (before she got real bad...) not sure what this face is all about!!! but he is still cute! bathroom break! We have spent the summer playing at the parks in the area (mostly the one next door!) Its so convenient to not have to pack up the kids! Plus with the park next door, we always know we are going to get a clean bathroom...well, most of the time! Sometimes the bathroom gets left for last on my list of chores! Priorities!! Every one wants clean Panties, but nobody wants to do laundry!!

kids running at the park with 100 tress (also known as Mills Park, or Pepsi park if you lived in La Verne back in the early 90's!) Last ditch summer picnic before school starts! Yummy In and Out at the park with cousins. Jake swining at the park! Look at those dirty tootsies!! Little princess loves to swing! Just closes her eyes and soaks it all in!! Last but not least, our little love bug/ pain in the neck :) was hospitalized again last week. Its so hard to get this across to people, who ask, Oh, well she is out of the hospital, is she better? Seriouslly if I get that "oh, so she is better now" after comming home from the hospital one more time I might scream!!!!!!!!! (you have been warned!) NO SHE IS NOT BETTER~She has a serious heart problem. One that does not fix itself, and one that there is no surgery to fix. The only way for her heart problem to be fixed is with a transplant, (which equals a new can of worms meaning no she would not be "better" that way either) or God to give her a "transplant" no cutting required!! The fact is when she comes home from our "tune ups" at the hospital, its not because she is better, but the fact is she can be better managed at home, with our "home" germs versus hospital germs. We have monitors, and medications that we do at home, but sometimes, she needs a bit more supportive care, so our hospital stay will not get any less often until the Lord chooses to heal her completely. (any time now Lord, We are ready!!) She has been admitted 17 times now, in the last 23 months. When talking to the nurses and doctors, they thought that was actually pretty low for someone with her medical history, and condition, so she is doing good with only 17 in their eyes. Its hard, its hard on the family, its hard on her, Its not only her that gets admitted, but its one of us parents, and our other 3 munchkins get shifted as well. Its hard on everyone involved. Our families take on way more then they bargined for, with an extra 3 kids, midnight phone calls, and lots of stress! We are greatful for everyone who helps.

But seriouslly, how cute is she! Tara getting an echo.

Part 2 of Day in the Life....

2009-08-13T23:26:00.000-07:00

No pictures as I was to busy with puke and blood!!!
While eating hot dogs for dinner With the dog of course right under Tara :) who was sitting in a big girl chair next to Tori thinking she is all that...falls...thats right. Have you ever noticed how much a lip bleeds? Mom of course springs into action knocking off the box of cinnamon toast crunch that was still on the table from breakfast (yes, breakfast. Complain if you must, but there were "incidents" as previouslly stated. Plus if it makes you feel any better my bathrooms are spotless right now, like you could eat off the toilet seat, or at least let the dog drink out of the bowl) while I am trying to take care of fore mentioned blood, the dog starts going crazy with cereal. Eating it all. I am now at a crossroads of sorts....apply pressure with ice, or take the cereal away. Tara is screaming louder, so she wins. I am asking Tori to get the food away from the dog, but she says that its to gross. So I ask Jake. Has anyone ever seen Jake with his food? He doesn't give up, or stop eating very easy.....He finally tries to take the food away with hotdog in hand and Mac grabs that too. Now I have Tara screaming with blood, and Jake screaming with his hand half way down Macs throat trying to retrive his hot dog. Its gone. Jake is now screaming, (possibly lounder then Tara) food is a big deal. I let Jake know he can have mommys hot dog (which only has a few drops of blood on it that I pass off to him as ketchup). He is happy, and Tara starts to calm down, where I can now start cleaning up "the mess" blood off the chairs (seriuoslly white cushions? what was I thinking) the remains of the cereal box (which is pretty much bits and pieces of cardboard and plastic) and within a few minutes I hear Tori let out the blood curtling scream. I think someone is hurt, bad...I rush over to find the largest pile of puke ever known to man....on Tori's lap. Yup, as it turns out puppies can not eat there normal amount of food, and entire box of cinnamon toast crunch, bits of cardboard from box, a sippy cup spout (still intact, I am debating weather to put it in the dishwasher and call it a day? those things are a hot comodity at my house), and half a hot dog. Sitting on Toris lap. Of all kids!! haha! I run over to Tori to make sure my couch is still safe, I mean make sure she is ok...After I realize my couch is barily saved by the tiny little lap we call Tori I get a towel and start on yet another load of laundry after I hose off the big pieces and fish out the sippy cup spout thats now sitting on my counter in a zip loc. I figure I will decide tomorrow when my mind is clear!!
Now, I am off, and I am hungry. Jake ate all my hotdog....
Expect more stories from this weekend. It will be a day in the life of 6 kids and a dog, I have my 1 year old niece and 3 year old nephew all weekend!! Should be fun!!!!

As promised a day in a life!

2009-08-13T17:12:00.001-07:00

As promised (well at least the title says it) here is a day in the life of 4 kids and a dog! Did I mention its only 530? We still have dinner, baseball practice and baths, yet there is still so much excitment!
Jake you get your laso (stick off tree) and I will get my gun (toy pink blow dryer) and we will play cops and robbers and find burried treasure. (pirates would work, but mom doesn't want to hinder the play....) Mac could you wake up and help us find the treasure? Maybe Elijah can help us find the treasure?

I wonder how pretty I will be if I use my sisters make up? Now the one with the brush goes where? Maybe if Tori helps? Am I the prettiest girl ever? "mom watch what happens when I slide down the hill on Jakes Tonka truck!" (does this seem like a bad idea to anyone else?)

Well, I can't show you the other pictures, as it involves Elijah running around the back yard half naked because a bee flew up his pants and stung his ummm.... junk....? What do you do when your favorite toy runs out of batteries? PUSH!!!

Dont make me come down there and show you how it works.... I'll show you how this works... maybe if Sarah turns the wheel and Tara pushes?

oops, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let Tara push... Aunt Lolo had to step up!

Hope you enjoyed our day as much as we have!!!!

Trip to Havasu!

2009-08-09T22:15:00.001-07:00

We just got home from Lake Havasu and had such a great time! Lots of boating, swimming, and having fun with friends. My friend Christie and her son Matt (Elijahs friend) went and spent a few days with Jims dad (Jim ended up not being able to go last minute, work takes priority in this market!). I took a friend of ours from church to help with the kids, and give mommy somthing that usually doesn't happen on a vacation...a vacation! We had such a great time together, and loved spending time with everyone! It was good to be home (we all missed daddy) but the kids were already asking me today when we were getting ready for church if we could go back to grandpas house after church to go on the boat!

Elijah and Matt "cought" a fish! With a bucket!! Chirstie and I are swimming behind our boys!

Jay climbing up this cliff! yes he jumped, twice! No I dont have a picture of that! its an over 40 ft drop!!!

Mac was exhausted after such a long day! Had to curl up with mommy!

the birds would take food right from your hand!

Yes, even mommy jumped of cliffs!

Tori loved driving the boat, and if there was a boat within a 1 mile radius, she was going to let them know she was driving! She waved at everyone and anyone! She has this princess thing down!

Grandpa just the way he likes it, with a girl on each knee!

Mac was worn out!!! Lots of fun on the lake!

Elijah was to busy jumping off cliffs to take a nap!

Within minutes of being on the boat everyone fell asleep! My kids were so excited to get on the boat and "take a boat nap"! Even Jay our manny (our nanny, but that sounded a little to girlie) crashed! Somthing about the roar of the motor put them all to sleep! Even Mac had a nap!

had to put this picture in! its just so funny!!!

Guess who is allergic to bees....

2009-08-04T23:13:00.000-07:00

Fun stuff first, then the yucky stuff!! We will start off with swimming, end end with the trip to Urgent care at the end of the post!! Suspence......
Tara and Elijah finished swimming.

Princess girl! Just finished lessons (not the practicully dry hair!)

Jake really likes swimming!

Jake "doing it by himself"

This is the best picture of Tara I have in the water. She doesn't like to be there unless mommy is with her!

Elijah the swimmer!

Tori loves her brother!

Now onto the not so fun stuff!!!

Guess who is allergic to bees.....

Yup, couldn't be any other child!!! Just the one with CHF. Thats my girl!!! No anit-histamines here (heart babies can't take that stuff...), no epi-pens, just a trip to the ER.

How it all started you ask?

Tara was playing in the back yard (as usual!) We are back there all day long. I think I might bring my laundry out there to be folded, as it seems silly that I am outside and its waiting to be folded on the couch! I guess we will get to it in the winter when its to yucky outside to play!! Until then the laundry is on the couch, find your own clothes!! So Tara took her shoes off (at some point, not sure when) and she is walking around singing twinkle twinkle (in her mamamamamamamam) toon to twinkle twinkle, then all of a sudden a scream comes out of her. She walks over to me screaming Yiyah (meaning Elijah) and I try to convince her he didn't do it. I figured she stepped on somthing so looked at her foot right away, there it was (the bee included as she stepped on it so it smooshed in her) so I got a credit card and swept it away took her inside washed her up and applied baking soda. (we are no stragers to bee stings this year, Jake thinks he should catch them!) few minutes into the baking soda, and I see her foot is getting BIG! not just little swollen, but big! I also notice this hard as a rock white line forming from the sight of the sting about 3 inches up her anckle. Not good I know! So I call the powers that be (you know cardiology, and PCP) and there we go off to Urgent Care! Urgent care was great, and treated her very quickly. They lanced it to keep the swelling down, and cut open the area of the sting to get out any left of stinger, also checked all of her vitals, twice! Depending how it looks tomorrow she may need antibiotics in a few days, but they were willing to wait on that.

Because she has the worst timing ever...We are going to Havasu tomorrow. (we happen to know where the Urgent Care it there!!) We are looking forward to the time away, and cant wait to spend the day on the boat!

Can I get a what what!!!!

2009-08-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

Or a yipee! Or a woot woot! Or a high five? My boy is stoked! The medium boy! Well, as some (or none) of you know, Elijah missed all but 4 games of his little league season. With the fractured finger after the first game, and mono after the 3rd. Its was a ruff season to say the least! Elijah is a great athlete. (takes after his mother!) he can pick up any sport in like a minute, and within a matter of about 2 mintues have it mastered!!!! Well, at the end of last season there was tryouts for a travel ball team. (about 75 of the best kids try out ) and earn 10 open spots. Well, It was awhile ago when he tryed out, and we had not heard anything. We figured he didn't make it. He was not at the top of his game for tryouts, as he was still techinically (I am glad his doctor doesn't read this....) not able to play yet. We tryed out anyways because the coach asked him too. He did ok at tryouts, but I was there, not in the top 10, or face it even top 25 at the time.
well...........
HE MADE IT!!!
WE got the call last night (well, we got the message, as I was out, and Jim doesn't anwser the phone...ever!) Elijah is so super stoked, and as of Tuesday practice starts. I do have some logistics to plan, as we are planning on going to Havasu on Tuesday with some dear friends of ours, then Elijah was suppost to go to his Grandmas house for a week after that. Hopefully the coach will let those slide as they were planned, but from what I hear, travel ball is tuff, and competitive. So we will see. Yippee, Yippe, The boy is so incredibly stoked. Cloud nine for sure! So much fun!!

In other news......
Taras 2nd birthday party is comming up! We are really excited about it. And after 16 hospital admissions in the last 2 years, it is well deserved. We are going to have it on September 5th (labor day weekend) and combine it with Jim Dears birthday as well (his is the 2nd). It should be fun, and if it all works out, I have some great stuff planned. I will give my 2 faithful readers a sneak peek at what it is...Blood drive!!! I really hope it works out, but this is the plan. Tara as my 2 readers know, got so many blood transfusions I lost count. I am guessing? 60? So my goal would be to put at least the back into the blood bank. We have so many AMAZING friends and family, that I dont think it should be that hard. So if you are a faithful blood giver already (I am) dont go give blood anytime soon, wait til Taras party. Plus instead of getting a cookie and OJ after you give how about bbq chicken, potatoe salad, and birthday cake? Can't beat that!!! So save the date of Sept. 5th and know all is welcome weather we know you personally or thru bloggy world. Our house is open for over night visitors, and if you confirm your reservation early you might even get a bed instead of the floor! (I do have plush carpet so its not horrible....You may get stuck on the floor from juice or cookies, but no biggie). We love you all, and can't wait to see you at the party!
Kathie

Home from Vegas!

2009-07-27T16:38:00.001-07:00

We had a great time In Vegas, except, I forgot my camera in the room for all of the "fun" things we did!! I know, I forgot that I needed to carry my purse to the pool! WE swam a lot, we played a lot, and the kids thought it was fantastic! WE ended up bringing a friend with us to help watch the kids, so 7 in a hotel room was a little crowded.....fortunatlly they are kids, they sleep on the floor with a sheet and they said "oooh comfy!!" I dont know how long it will last that way, but its nice now!! We left (very) early on Saturday am, and met up with Jims dad at his hotel to swim for a bit, always fun! Then went lunch at Cocos, then to our hotel for a much needed nap. Well, that was not as much fun! I was hoping they were all going to take a nap because mommy was exhausted from the 3 hours of sleep the night before (I told you we left early!!), well Tara fell asleep leaving grandpas hotel, and stayed asleep thru lunch, and woke up nice and refreshed as we were pulling into our hotel! Figures! Jake conked out while I was checking in at our hotel, and Tori was ready for a nap when we got upstairs. She was the only one!!!! Needless to say mommy saw Aerosmith on 3 hours of sleep! It was a great concert, and totally worth it! They put on a really great show!! On our way home we stopped at State line, and had such a great time we should have stayed there for another night. We went into Wild Bills? (I think thats what its called) and Elijah and I rode the "big" roller coaster (yikes, it really is big, and proubly the scarriest roller coaster I have ever been on...and I have been on lots) just when you think the ride is over, it just keeps going!! Elijah cryed....I told you it was scarry!!
the little ones road a small little roller coaster, and had a great time! again, camera in the car! We then went to lunch at one of those restaraunts that you see advertised with a $6 prime rib dinner, not expecting much, but it was REALLY Good!! We fed all 7 of us for under 30 bucks! Now that would not have even happened at McDonalds!! We like cheap food. Jim was so sold, he said lets plan another trip to State line soon! I told you REALLY good prime rib! so here is the few pictures I did have from the weekend!

Elijah starts off the Vegas silly faces!!

Tori gets the silly face thing!

Silly faces for Jake!!

Vegas brings out silly faces in even Tara!! In other news, all of the kids started swim lessons today. Elijah was very proud, because he got moved up 2 levels today (he has not been in swim lessons for proubably 4 years?) and you cant move up unless you have passed the previous class...Tori and Jake are in the same class, and Jake did great telling the teacher "I dont need you to hold me, I can do it by myself" Tori got out and told me the teacher messed up her hair!!! Tara had a good time in mommy and me, but didnt want anything to do with the games or the songs, she just wanted to Jump in off the sides!! So we did....about 80 times!!

Tara also had speech theropy today, and the therapist offered a really good suggestion (I really dont like her therapist at all, but I am figuring out there are not a lot of speech therapist for very young children.) so we are going to start using PECS cards? Not totally sure if I understand this correctlly, but basically they are velcro cards that Tara will use to show what she wants. With her VERY limited vocabulary, she gets very frustrated that she can't tell me what she wants. This way she can show me what she wants. We will have a set for when we are out, and have a set at home. I hope it helps. She knows about 5-10 words right now, but some of them are not words, they are prompted sounds. Spontanious words, is about 5. Mama, Daddy, doggy, grandpa (ba-pa), nanny (na-na), baby (be-be). (daddy and doggy are the same (da-nnnnn) Everything else is prompted. bubbles which is ba-bo, elmo which is ah-bo, apple (accompanied by the sign apple) is ah-bo (the same as elmo). So you see our confusion, and her frustration. I hope this works. I feel like we are grasping for straws sometimes. I did also learn that speech comes from the left side of the brain. The side that has suffered the most damage.

Well, onto making dinner, and folding laundry! Pictures soon of swim lessons (if I remember to bring my camera!!)

Oh, and if you get a chance please say a prayer for our dear friends The Nelsons. They have been in the ICU now for 9 months? They are getting extremely frustrated with so many things, as it is so challenging to live that life, and for so long. www.momentswithmoriah.blogspot.com

Kathie

Water park!!!

2009-07-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

So I took the 4 kids and my nephew to this really super cool water park by our house. Its totally free and the kids have a blast there!!! The added bonus about this place....FREEE LUNCH!! Thats right, they give free lunches to any kids who are there. The kids have a blast, keeps them cool in our 100 degree weather, and mom gets to sit back relax, and enjoy the kids!! (and not make lunches for 5 kids who I am sure would have made me be short order cook for lunch!!) Totally fun, totally cheap, totally worth it. Added bonus about today, had someone arrested....Yup, all in a days work for a mom!!! That story another day, as I dont want to bog you down with hey really fun day at the park, got someone arrested because they were a perve.....So onto the pictures!!! Jake is not a fan of sunscreen, so he pouts with his eyes closed for about 5 minutes before he realizes he could be playing!!!

Elijah lovin' on his sister! To cute!!

Tori will tell you she played all day at the water park going under the buckets, and splashing, reality is, she never got wet!! Way to pretty to mess up her hair!!!

They give a healthy free lunch to the kids, super yummy!! Tara loves her raisons!! look at her cute little ringlets too!!

The boys taking a break!! Nephew Levi, Jake, and Elijah

In other news, We are heading out to Las Vegas!! We leave tomorrow am, and I am super excited!! Plan on living it up Vegas style...or mommy style at least! I am going to a concert tomorrow night, then we will come home Sunday night. We plan on staying in the pool the entire time as I belive it might be 500 degrees there right now...they assure me its a dry heat, but I dont buy it!!! Plan on more pictures when I get home!! Love this new blog with pictures deal!!

Kathie

Ok Lets get this thing going!!!

2009-07-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

so with many days (and nights) of playing around with this I might (very big might) have this thing sort of figured out! Well, at least I have a picture on here!!!

We had a great day today, played on the slip and slide (even mom) ate PB&J sandwiches, and played in the little pool. I had some friends come over, and it was really a blast!

As for life, everyone is doing great. Elijah spent the last few weeks with Grandpa in Havasu, and came home down town brown, and with lots of exciting stories!

Tori and Jake have just been playing the summer away, and Tara is just being Tara!!!

big news here at the Carlson house is.....drum roll please.........TARA MOVED OUT OF OUR ROOM!!! Thats right you heard me, we finally moved Tara in to Toris room where she is suppost to be. She has had her crib there, with her name on the wall since she we moved in, but its been hard to get her out of our room. Its still tuff...The first night was HORRIBLE!!! She was really restless, and that hallway never seeemed so long until I had to walk down it 10 times between midnight and 3 am!!! Her monitor just kept going off with her being so restless. Not to mention the 6 am wake up call with her screaming Mama! Thats right, my room gets after noon sun, where Tori and Taras room gets morning sun. So with the help of some sheets on the windows the next night was a lot better! Thats my 9am wake up girl!! I have not been able to take her other crib out of my room yet, I think I might leave it in there for a bit, I would like to have it for when she gets sick.

I will (hopefully) leave you with some pictures from the last few weeks! (ok I think they are at the beginning, but you get the message!!

Its about time!

2009-06-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

I know I know, I should have done this a year ago. We have been really happy with our Carepage sight, but I would love to be able to put a picture up with my post so here we go! It will take me awhile to get it all set up, so not pretty yet! Might have to get some help from my bloggy friends!