Saturday, July 23, 2011
How long is never?
This is a long over due post most likely, but I have been thinking about it for awhile. I guess it always comes up, as we get ready for Tara's birthday. A kiledescope of emotions comes about. Its been nearly 4 years since Tara was born, then a week after her 4th birthday, it will be 4 years since my life was forever changed. Since my "world" was shattered, and my life, and my normal that I knew before was never to be again. I live now in my new normal. Its not a bad normal, but a different normal. I often (not as much as I used to) get the question "what is Tara's health like now?" Well, the skinny...It has not changed. Her heart function is exactlly the same as it was the day we left the hospital 3 mos. after she got sick. Tara however has "learned" how to deal with her heart, and the common cold doesn't *always* send her to the hospital anymore. I then get the transplant question, or the surgary question. You see, those are the questions that are not easy to answer. Even if you have the same faith as me, its a hard question to answer. Sometimes people don't understand that I KNOW God is going to heal her. He doesn't make promises he can't keep. He told me that he would heal her, and I will take that to the bank, every day. In Deuteronomy 31:8 it says: "God is striding ahead of you he is right there with you; he wont let you down, he wont leave you. Dont be intimidated, don't worry." he wont leave me. Ever. Never. The kids were playing the other day, and I overheard a conversation about the word never, and Jake told Tara: "Never is a really long time, huh mom." I of course said yes, but then that question came to me later in my quiet time. How long is never. Is it 100 years? 10 Years? Or is it just the 4 years that my sweet girl has been with us? No, in actuallity Never is NOT a long time. Its doesn't end. Websters even says: Not ever: at no time; not in any degree; not under any condition. Not under any condition will my God ever leave me, he is right there ahead of me, striding ahead. Have you ever walked on the sand from your car down to the water, and when you walk its hard, sand is never easy to walk in, I always like to find other "footsteps" to walk in, it makes it easier to walk in the sand when someones "strides" ahead of me. God does that in my life, all of it. So when do I feel like he wont take care of Tara? Never.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Your mommy is beautiful....
Today I was getting ready to leave the house. I was in my bathroom getting ready. The girls were playing in their room with a friend named Macie. I am hearing them play on the monitor that is in my room. I over hear this conversation.
Macie: Tara your mommy is sooooo beautiful.
Tara: I know she is really pretty.
Macie: yeah, I really like her.
Tara: me too.
the conversation kept going on, but I was beaming. Birds were chirping above my head, I felt like Cindarella. Not only do my kids think I am beautiful, but so did my girls friends. Way to make a mom feel good. After I brushed my teeth and decided, since they already thought I was beautiful I would really show them and put some mascara on. So I went over to their room with my head high, birds still chirping and said "hey girls, I am just getting ready to leave, are you having a good time? What are you playing?"
Tara: "We are playing house, Tori is the mommy"
Just then, the birds that were chirping over my head pooped on it.
Macie: Tara your mommy is sooooo beautiful.
Tara: I know she is really pretty.
Macie: yeah, I really like her.
Tara: me too.
the conversation kept going on, but I was beaming. Birds were chirping above my head, I felt like Cindarella. Not only do my kids think I am beautiful, but so did my girls friends. Way to make a mom feel good. After I brushed my teeth and decided, since they already thought I was beautiful I would really show them and put some mascara on. So I went over to their room with my head high, birds still chirping and said "hey girls, I am just getting ready to leave, are you having a good time? What are you playing?"
Tara: "We are playing house, Tori is the mommy"
Just then, the birds that were chirping over my head pooped on it.
Monday, May 23, 2011
My week in Facebook
So Since I don't always update the blogspot (sorry mom), but I do update my facebook, I thought it would be fun to combine the 2. I would like to say that I will do it weekly, but I hate to lie to you. So I will say I will try.
May 12: I asked Jake to get me a coke Zero out of the fridge, he brought me a Miller Lite. Gave it to me and said "I can't find the black ones, is this OK?" Jake, this is beer, I want a soda to bring to church. "oh, its OK, you can drink beer at church". No Jake they might frown on that.
May 14th: I have learned a lot this weekend at Equip (still more to come with Jack Hayford tomorrow), but I want to immediately start putting things into practice, so tomorrow I will be a Proverbs 32 woman. I will stay in bed, and make my kids bring me breakfast there.
May 18th: Well, the good news in my alarm is set for 6pm. Bad news is, all of my kids are VERY late for school. OOPS (that was at 8am, kids start at 730 and we just had woken up)
May 18th: I am speaking tomorrow at REAL moms. Topic: Yes, I am Crazy, just like you. Its going to be fun and helpful, and I am excited! Tomorrow at The Cause, 9am start time with breakfast. Join us and come cheer me on.
May 19th: Dear Mr. President, Israel is our friend. Just like in grade school if you take something that is not yours, the other person will get mad. Don't be a bully. People don't respect bullies. Same on you. Love mom.
May 19th: I am either washing an alligator, or the appliance attack has returned.
May 20th: I started a 13 day fast today. I miss coffee (and eggs and food). I felt like running my kids off a cliff this am while driving them to school. It will get better right? (PS, it did not, next day I was puking and had the worst headache of my life.)
May 20th: At ER with Jake for stitches. Yup, its one of those days! (see, I told you my day did not get any better.
*photo is not for the faint of heart*
Jake fell asleep getting his 9 stitches. They called in a plastic surgeon. Lesson learned. Do not play free Willy on your bed, and breach like a whale onto your dresser.
*side notes, I am still doing my fast, but I did break down and start having half a cup of coffee, and I will gradually start weaning that. Cold turkey might not have been the best choice since I pretty much IV it into me through out the day. In fact this am, I only had 1/4 cup*
May 12: I asked Jake to get me a coke Zero out of the fridge, he brought me a Miller Lite. Gave it to me and said "I can't find the black ones, is this OK?" Jake, this is beer, I want a soda to bring to church. "oh, its OK, you can drink beer at church". No Jake they might frown on that.
May 14th: I have learned a lot this weekend at Equip (still more to come with Jack Hayford tomorrow), but I want to immediately start putting things into practice, so tomorrow I will be a Proverbs 32 woman. I will stay in bed, and make my kids bring me breakfast there.
May 18th: Well, the good news in my alarm is set for 6pm. Bad news is, all of my kids are VERY late for school. OOPS (that was at 8am, kids start at 730 and we just had woken up)
May 18th: I am speaking tomorrow at REAL moms. Topic: Yes, I am Crazy, just like you. Its going to be fun and helpful, and I am excited! Tomorrow at The Cause, 9am start time with breakfast. Join us and come cheer me on.
May 19th: Dear Mr. President, Israel is our friend. Just like in grade school if you take something that is not yours, the other person will get mad. Don't be a bully. People don't respect bullies. Same on you. Love mom.
May 19th: I am either washing an alligator, or the appliance attack has returned.
May 20th: I started a 13 day fast today. I miss coffee (and eggs and food). I felt like running my kids off a cliff this am while driving them to school. It will get better right? (PS, it did not, next day I was puking and had the worst headache of my life.)
May 20th: At ER with Jake for stitches. Yup, its one of those days! (see, I told you my day did not get any better.
*photo is not for the faint of heart*
Jake fell asleep getting his 9 stitches. They called in a plastic surgeon. Lesson learned. Do not play free Willy on your bed, and breach like a whale onto your dresser.
*side notes, I am still doing my fast, but I did break down and start having half a cup of coffee, and I will gradually start weaning that. Cold turkey might not have been the best choice since I pretty much IV it into me through out the day. In fact this am, I only had 1/4 cup*
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Hitting a Wall
On Sunday when I was praying for a couple at church I had a very clear picture in my head, that I was able to relate to their situation, when I sit back now, I can so relate it to my situation as well. This is a picture of the Western Wall in Israel. Its the exterior wall (aka the Wailing Wall), to the Temple Mount. People go their with their requests to God. There is tiny little pieces of paper all over the place, where people actually write their requests on a piece of paper and put it inside of the cracks and crevices of the wall. 
Sometimes we feel like we are on the outside. We come to the wall, where we give our requests to God, Sometimes we feel like the "wall" is just that though, a wall. We feel like we can't get in, We lean into the wall, we pray to the wall, we weep at the wall, we surrender all at the wall, but just can't get inside. However, then something shifts, whether it be a spiritual shift, or an emotional shift, then all of a sudden you are on the inside. We feel like we can finally make it past a through a situation. I have felt this so many times. So many times in my life, and in my prayer life I feel like I hit a wall. That I can't make it anymore, then the shift happens, and you do. You make it through, you are on the inside. The inside doesn't always look so pretty inside though. The beauty that you were waiting for just seems like a long empty hallway. Continue to press on, your beauty will come, God doesn't promise you any less.
I encourage you today if feel like you are at a "Wall" continue to press on, you will make it through, Eventually, your wall will open up to the beauty that is just on the other side.
Tour of the Inside of the Western Wall, that would open up to the beauty of the Temple.
Sometimes we feel like we are on the outside. We come to the wall, where we give our requests to God, Sometimes we feel like the "wall" is just that though, a wall. We feel like we can't get in, We lean into the wall, we pray to the wall, we weep at the wall, we surrender all at the wall, but just can't get inside. However, then something shifts, whether it be a spiritual shift, or an emotional shift, then all of a sudden you are on the inside. We feel like we can finally make it past a through a situation. I have felt this so many times. So many times in my life, and in my prayer life I feel like I hit a wall. That I can't make it anymore, then the shift happens, and you do. You make it through, you are on the inside. The inside doesn't always look so pretty inside though. The beauty that you were waiting for just seems like a long empty hallway. Continue to press on, your beauty will come, God doesn't promise you any less.
I encourage you today if feel like you are at a "Wall" continue to press on, you will make it through, Eventually, your wall will open up to the beauty that is just on the other side.
Tour of the Inside of the Western Wall, that would open up to the beauty of the Temple.
Israel
Not the best picture, but one of my favorite spots, so had to include it. On a boat in the middle of the Sea of Galilee...Sureal to say the least.
Jim and I heading into the Upper Room (Where the last supper was at)
Jim and I at the Western Wall, otherwise known as the Wailing Wall (the wall outside of the Temple Mount)
Looking over the Mt. of Olives
Last month I had the most incredible opportunity that I can't wait to share all 5 of you who read my blog. Even though my mom already knows...So all 4 of you.
Last month I had the most incredible opportunity that I can't wait to share all 5 of you who read my blog. Even though my mom already knows...So all 4 of you. I had the opportunity to go to Israel. The pastors of our church were taking a team, and I jumped on that chance. Jim met us there...He lives in the Middle East, so it made it much easier for him. No Jet Lag, no 16 hour flight, just a quick hop skip and a jump for him...lucky. As you can see by the pictures we had an incredible time. I took over 1,000 pictures, so I can't even show you the highlights. I am sure a few of these photos will be showing up in other posts. Oh, and because I just wanted to mention how incredibly awesome this trip was, The trip was also combined onto Jack Hayfords trip. You know, sureal. In Isreal, where Jesus walked, lived, performed miracles, died, and rose again, with Jack Hayford. Sureal...
Kids might get the best of you...
Sorry, I have been a really incredible blog slacker, however I have lots to catch up on. I will do it one at a time. Funny stuff first. You know, funny now, a month later.
So about a month ago, just before I left for Israel, I was a bit on the busy side, packing, and getting everything ready. I went upstairs to deal with a few things, put laundry away, and fun things like that. I can't remember forsure, but I might have even tried to use the bathroom. The 2 middle kids, Jake and Tori were playing, Tara was upstairs with me. They were playing so good, laughing, and having a really good time, at one point I even heard them say "slide down on this" just as I walked by to the girls room to see them slide down the stairs on a jacket. They were having fun, nobody was crying, and nobody was bleeding. Half the battle in this house. Lots of laughing, in fact, I even remember sitting on the bed at one moment and saying "I should remember this moment", they were having a great time. I like those moments. I left them for about 15 minutes is my best guess. Hearing them laugh the entire time. I then walked by the stairs just in time to see Jake's naked butt up in the air sliding down the stairs. I didn't think to much about it, but saw the naked butt. I then went into the closet to grab more hangers and pondered a brief moment...did I just see that? I wonder if Tori is naked too? I wonder if the "slippery jacket" wasn't working with clothes on? Maybe I should go check again. Sure enough, Tori was naked too, and is that water in her hair? What is that that that Tori is rubbing on Jake to slide down easier? Cooking Oil. Yup, you guessed it. My darling 2 children, took this moment to pour cooking oil on themselves to slide down the "slippery slide" a bit easier. Thanks kids.
Yup, these are the moments you will remember...
P.S. Big shout out to my friend Jerry who dropped everything, and was there in about 20 minutes to steam clean the stairs, and leave no trace of oil on the carpet.
P.P.S. Dawn dish detergent really does break down oil....Even in 5 year old's hair.
So about a month ago, just before I left for Israel, I was a bit on the busy side, packing, and getting everything ready. I went upstairs to deal with a few things, put laundry away, and fun things like that. I can't remember forsure, but I might have even tried to use the bathroom. The 2 middle kids, Jake and Tori were playing, Tara was upstairs with me. They were playing so good, laughing, and having a really good time, at one point I even heard them say "slide down on this" just as I walked by to the girls room to see them slide down the stairs on a jacket. They were having fun, nobody was crying, and nobody was bleeding. Half the battle in this house. Lots of laughing, in fact, I even remember sitting on the bed at one moment and saying "I should remember this moment", they were having a great time. I like those moments. I left them for about 15 minutes is my best guess. Hearing them laugh the entire time. I then walked by the stairs just in time to see Jake's naked butt up in the air sliding down the stairs. I didn't think to much about it, but saw the naked butt. I then went into the closet to grab more hangers and pondered a brief moment...did I just see that? I wonder if Tori is naked too? I wonder if the "slippery jacket" wasn't working with clothes on? Maybe I should go check again. Sure enough, Tori was naked too, and is that water in her hair? What is that that that Tori is rubbing on Jake to slide down easier? Cooking Oil. Yup, you guessed it. My darling 2 children, took this moment to pour cooking oil on themselves to slide down the "slippery slide" a bit easier. Thanks kids.
Yup, these are the moments you will remember...
P.S. Big shout out to my friend Jerry who dropped everything, and was there in about 20 minutes to steam clean the stairs, and leave no trace of oil on the carpet.
P.P.S. Dawn dish detergent really does break down oil....Even in 5 year old's hair.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
betterish plus other stuff
Yes, that is a word, I just made it up, but I am fairly sure it will be in urban dictionary. Right next to taranormal.
So just as the title suggested Tara is getting betterish. Doing really great in the day time, and just a few spats a week at night. When she starts coughing, its really hard to stop. So I feel like I have a newborn again, I also look like I have a newborn again. The dark circles are not flattering.
Jim is on a "gone" stint right now. He is gone til April. Suck. In Feb I celebrate my birthday, Valentines day, Jakes birthday, and my 11 year wedding anniversary....alone. Suck. I will see him in March, we are going to Israel together. I am excited. Wish my kids could go, cause they miss their dad. Suck.
I caught my dishwasher on fire in November. Its been pretty mad at me ever since. I don't blame him, I would hold a grudge too if I was caught on fire. Yesterday it started "spitting" at me. Water coming out all over the place, well, water and soap. I showed him who was boss and bought a shiny new pretty one. Yup, so I am now the proud owner of a new dishwasher, sitting in my garage. Turns out I don't know how to replace a dishwasher. Any takers? Pizza and beer could be involved. (or you know soda if beer is not your gig)
Tara loves playing with her new American Girl babies from Make a Wish. A few days ago as she was giving her baby her bedtime drugs (yes, she plays with her old syringes), she said "here Marina, tis is your yasix (lasix) it make you pee, tis is your nalapril (enalapril) its for your heart. MOM I need a pulse ox for Marina!" Is there any pre courses for a nursing program to put her in? Right now I think she is a shew-in.
Elijah is liking his new school. Can't say I like the $380/month payment, but I think I like the school too. Small class sizes, and barely and homework make my life much better. Still has pre-teen attitude, but much better than it was.
Jake has been doing the Xbox Kinect like no other. He is pretty good at it. He likes to challenge anyone who comes over. He picks the game, then wins....always. Its a good thing too, because he is a poor looser. We are working on that, but its so funny to hear him trash talk.
Tori plays the dance central. A 6 year old should not have moves like that. She is way to sexy to be 6. I am going to have my work cut out for her when she is older. I wonder how long it will take to built a basement to keep her locked in?
That's it. Well, that's all I can't think of at least. My coffee is now cold. And my children have officially turned my family room into a scene I have see before on Saving Private Ryan.
So just as the title suggested Tara is getting betterish. Doing really great in the day time, and just a few spats a week at night. When she starts coughing, its really hard to stop. So I feel like I have a newborn again, I also look like I have a newborn again. The dark circles are not flattering.
Jim is on a "gone" stint right now. He is gone til April. Suck. In Feb I celebrate my birthday, Valentines day, Jakes birthday, and my 11 year wedding anniversary....alone. Suck. I will see him in March, we are going to Israel together. I am excited. Wish my kids could go, cause they miss their dad. Suck.
I caught my dishwasher on fire in November. Its been pretty mad at me ever since. I don't blame him, I would hold a grudge too if I was caught on fire. Yesterday it started "spitting" at me. Water coming out all over the place, well, water and soap. I showed him who was boss and bought a shiny new pretty one. Yup, so I am now the proud owner of a new dishwasher, sitting in my garage. Turns out I don't know how to replace a dishwasher. Any takers? Pizza and beer could be involved. (or you know soda if beer is not your gig)
Tara loves playing with her new American Girl babies from Make a Wish. A few days ago as she was giving her baby her bedtime drugs (yes, she plays with her old syringes), she said "here Marina, tis is your yasix (lasix) it make you pee, tis is your nalapril (enalapril) its for your heart. MOM I need a pulse ox for Marina!" Is there any pre courses for a nursing program to put her in? Right now I think she is a shew-in.
Elijah is liking his new school. Can't say I like the $380/month payment, but I think I like the school too. Small class sizes, and barely and homework make my life much better. Still has pre-teen attitude, but much better than it was.
Jake has been doing the Xbox Kinect like no other. He is pretty good at it. He likes to challenge anyone who comes over. He picks the game, then wins....always. Its a good thing too, because he is a poor looser. We are working on that, but its so funny to hear him trash talk.
Tori plays the dance central. A 6 year old should not have moves like that. She is way to sexy to be 6. I am going to have my work cut out for her when she is older. I wonder how long it will take to built a basement to keep her locked in?
That's it. Well, that's all I can't think of at least. My coffee is now cold. And my children have officially turned my family room into a scene I have see before on Saving Private Ryan.
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