Saturday, July 23, 2011

How long is never?

This is a long over due post most likely, but I have been thinking about it for awhile. I guess it always comes up, as we get ready for Tara's birthday. A kiledescope of emotions comes about. Its been nearly 4 years since Tara was born, then a week after her 4th birthday, it will be 4 years since my life was forever changed. Since my "world" was shattered, and my life, and my normal that I knew before was never to be again. I live now in my new normal. Its not a bad normal, but a different normal. I often (not as much as I used to) get the question "what is Tara's health like now?" Well, the skinny...It has not changed. Her heart function is exactlly the same as it was the day we left the hospital 3 mos. after she got sick. Tara however has "learned" how to deal with her heart, and the common cold doesn't *always* send her to the hospital anymore. I then get the transplant question, or the surgary question. You see, those are the questions that are not easy to answer. Even if you have the same faith as me, its a hard question to answer. Sometimes people don't understand that I KNOW God is going to heal her. He doesn't make promises he can't keep. He told me that he would heal her, and I will take that to the bank, every day. In Deuteronomy 31:8 it says: "God is striding ahead of you he is right there with you; he wont let you down, he wont leave you. Dont be intimidated, don't worry." he wont leave me. Ever. Never. The kids were playing the other day, and I overheard a conversation about the word never, and Jake told Tara: "Never is a really long time, huh mom." I of course said yes, but then that question came to me later in my quiet time. How long is never. Is it 100 years? 10 Years? Or is it just the 4 years that my sweet girl has been with us? No, in actuallity Never is NOT a long time. Its doesn't end. Websters even says: Not ever: at no time; not in any degree; not under any condition. Not under any condition will my God ever leave me, he is right there ahead of me, striding ahead. Have you ever walked on the sand from your car down to the water, and when you walk its hard, sand is never easy to walk in, I always like to find other "footsteps" to walk in, it makes it easier to walk in the sand when someones "strides" ahead of me. God does that in my life, all of it. So when do I feel like he wont take care of Tara? Never.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Your mommy is beautiful....

Today I was getting ready to leave the house. I was in my bathroom getting ready. The girls were playing in their room with a friend named Macie. I am hearing them play on the monitor that is in my room. I over hear this conversation.
Macie: Tara your mommy is sooooo beautiful.
Tara: I know she is really pretty.
Macie: yeah, I really like her.
Tara: me too.
the conversation kept going on, but I was beaming. Birds were chirping above my head, I felt like Cindarella. Not only do my kids think I am beautiful, but so did my girls friends. Way to make a mom feel good. After I brushed my teeth and decided, since they already thought I was beautiful I would really show them and put some mascara on. So I went over to their room with my head high, birds still chirping and said "hey girls, I am just getting ready to leave, are you having a good time? What are you playing?"
Tara: "We are playing house, Tori is the mommy"
Just then, the birds that were chirping over my head pooped on it.