tori's picture

Mom "wow Tori, that is a beautiful picture you just painted what is it of"

Tori "its you on your cruise in a cristal dress"

mom "a cristal dress? did I buy that special for the cruise"

Tori "yup at Nordstroms"

*girl after her mamas heart*

mom "wow, I love my new dress, what is that that I am holding in my hand?"

Tori "a cocktail"

*thats my girl*

Happy Friday!

I love Fridays. I am not sure why, its not like I get the weekends off! But I just love everything about them! So I will try to do a weekly post on what I am happy about for this past week. I might have to add one bummer thing too, just because weeks arn't always just fun and games!
so with no further ado...

1. Starbucks...I just love a yummy cup of coffee in the am, and today I treated my self to one!

2. FREE babysitting date night! My father in law stayed here this past week to help Jim with some work (to get us cought up before our cruise), and watched our kids on Wed. so Jim and I could go out. Great dinner (Myabi our fav.), not so great movie (leap year) and fun times with the hubs.

3. My moms family came in from Canada this week. Always fun to see them even if its just for a a few days.

4. Tara started finally feeling better from her yucky thing this weekend. We were in the hospital on Sunday, and just was not right til Tuesday.

5. New books. I love getting new books for the kids, especially Sandra Boyton books. My fav. So here is a video of Tara "reading her new book" with mommy.

I know, the video is not the best, but I am so proud of how well she is talking recentlly. Saying "oh no" and "oop"! Cute little girl!

And now for the bummer....

We got Elijahs progress report. I didn't think we were going to get one, because after all, we are checking his agenda, and signing off on his homework every day. So when I recieved a progress report for 3 classes saying the reason he is falling behind is because of homework assignments not turned in, I flipped. Failing 3 classes because the homework he is doing he is not turning in to the teacher....his reason. "well, she never asks me for it". Your right Elijah, the blanket statement to the class saying "pass up your homework" (yes, I called the teachers this is what they do) is surely not meant for you, they need to call out your name speciafically....Lets just say you can lead a horse to water but you can't force them to drink....I feel like Jim and I should be getting an A for effort, we have done all we can...his homework at least is getting done...if only he would turn it in....I am threatening to walk him to each and every class next week...In my star and moon jammies, fuzzy slippers, and not brushing my teeth yet. Just to be sure that he turns it in...in each class....I told him to save me a spot at the lunch table and make a sandwhich for me. Upon walking him to his class yesterday I hope he knows I mean business! I will go back to Jr. High if thats what it takes!!

some pictures for the week.

Well, I decided to upload some more pictures for this week. Most of these Elijah took with my camera, no to shabby!
Aye matey! Well, actually "Aye mater" if your jake!

What do you do when your niece dumps a box of cereal on the floor and the table? Oh thats right, ou go and find your camera and tell her to say cheese....

our project at the house...We took out a slider (it was to the right of where the tv is now, and the tv was cornered above the wood coffee table) now its centered on our covered fireplace that was all brick and looked hideous, a wall where the slider was, and a cabiner will be put all around the tv to "build it in"....and hide all the cords! I am really happy with how it looks, but wish it was going faster! Beggers can't be choosers! My BIL is doing the work for us!

Elijah snagged my camera and took some pretty cute pictures!

Tori thought that after the bath her and Tara should wear matching panties...that lasted about 2 minutes, but I did manage to capture a picture with them in it. I know Toris hair is long!

Those fighting eyes

Tonight Jim and I went to go see a movie. Extraordinary Measures. There was a scene in the movie where the doctors came and talked to the parents. There daughter had just crashed on the table in front of them, I was there in my heart. The doctor came out and said "we are cautiouslly optomistic, she has a fight in those eyes".
At one point with Tara when all hope was gone, Jim and I went to the doctors, and said
"look, she is a fighter, you can see it in her eyes". Every day I look at her, I see that same fight.

Dear Mac~

Mac, while I know its been tuff being cooped up in the house for 5 days, and really missing going on your walks, playing in the back yard with Elijah, or choo choo training it down the slide with Tara, diapers are not the thing the grab from the trash can. Just because you can reach in somthing, does not give you permission to grab it. Please. They are gross, they were on Taras butt, and really with that absorbant liner in there, I am sure its can't be good on your stomach. So please know, they are off limits. And while I am on the subject, bathroom toilet paper is off limits too. Just because you can reach the roll, it does not give your permission to run it upstairs to show me what you have....leaving a trail behind you.
As well, dearest Mac, I know you dont like the rain. Frankly I dont either, but alas, you need to go to the bathroom outside when we tell you to go out, even if it is raining. Last night when I tryed to put you out before bed you stood outside like I was the mean mom. Yes I realize it was hailing basketballs just moments prior, but I waited til that what over to put you out. A light drizzle will not kill you. After 5 minutes outside I figure you are done, so I let you in, surely you did not stay huddled up right next to the door while I finish some last minute things, surely after 5 minutes you managed to pee right? Well, one would hope, because I put your in your night cage then ventured upstairs to take a hot shower. Dear Mac, at 11pm kids are sleeping, and I dont want them to be woken up by you barking or howling while I am in the shower. Its not cool to start it when I have shampoo on my head, before I have been able to soak up the heat of the shower, thus making me hurry, and never feel the benefits. I realize that you needed to go to the bathroom because you didn't just 10 minutes prior, but still, you had the opportunity. When I did let you out, just because its hailing again does not mean you dont have to go to the bathroom, you still do, just like you did the previous time. After 10 minutes of you crying at the door tail between your legs, I let you back in, put you back in your cage, then get cozy in my nice warm bed to finally put my feet up after a very long day, and you Mac, my love start barking again...really? again? 1 last time I let you out, aaah, relief. Now that wasn't so bad Mac right? Next time can you please just pee the first time?

Knock on wood.

Well, if I was superstitous thats what I would do, but since I am not I will shout it from my blog!!!

ITS BEEN ALMOST 3 MONTHS SINCE TARA HAS BEEN ADMITTED!!!

This is amazing!! Even when I saw our favorite ICU nurse at chruch on Sunday (Erol) he even commented on how long its been since he has got to put a line in my baby...ok, its a little weird what he misses, but still....we know he loves us.
This is a record. Tara has been admitted 19 times in the last 28 months, so you catch my drift...it was actually 19 times in 25 months really. Its hard, it puts a strain on the entire family. We shuffle our other children, we take time off work, we get behind on our laundry, we eat out way to often (however is not totally a bummer as our favorite resatraunt is right next to the hospital Fortune Chinese, YUMM), we lack vitamin D from never leaving the hospital, etc. Its pretty much every 6 weeks that we get admitted if you work it out....not cool. Its hard, we miss our other kids, we miss our bed, and Jim and I miss each other. We were warned when she came home that this would be our new normal, we were not prepared for it to go on this long, they said a year, but later after talking to a nurse she said "we were just being nice, its a forever thing". Well, forever for them is not forever to us, as we have God on our side! Right now Tara has Dilated Cardiomyopothy with Congestive Heart Failure, this in lame mans terms means "things don't work right". She functions so amazingly well when she is not sick. She functions normal in heart failure, its what she knows, she has been dealing with it since she was 8 days old. However when she gets sick, its not fine, things start shutting down (quickly) because of the CHF. Her lungs have a hard time, we have to double and somtimes triple the amount of lasix we give her just to get some pee out, she slows down, thus making her be admitted.
We have spent holidays in the hospital, birthdays, anniversaries, and special events. The sickies have no time line.
So for us to be home since October 23rd, its amazing...no, its God.

OH, and the bestest news of all!!

I can't believe I forgot to tell you!! Tara who is VERY delayed at speech tested late November at a 9-12 month level when she was 26 months. A little hard to take as a mom, but I knew she was slow. The Pathologist even said that she is more around the 8-10 month level but because she understood she bumped her a bit....thanks. SOOOOOO the good news! Today she was re-tested. A full 12 month level! No we will bump her up a bit, a full 12 month level! I think it was her new favorite word that put her over the edge. "maybe" my new favorite word from my sweet little girl, bumping her right up to a 1 year level. Way to go Tara! Proud of you baby girl!

Well ok....

I guess I should post some pictures...because you love them! Even if you don't comment (mother) and ask for me to update the blog by a phone call....:)

Tara has the greatest curls ever! I love them, and just after we get out of the bath before she sleeps on her hair they are the perfect little ringlets. So for those of you who are not here at bathtime, enjoy my babies ringlets...that she must have got from the milkman, that and her blue eyes...

pretty little girl freshly out of the bath and smelling pretty!

moms vaccuming, feeling a little tired, so I guess I will take a nap right.....here.

Tori playing with my camera, cute Jakey boy, even out of focus with somthing on his nose, but I did promise Tori I would post it on the story with Jakey in the mud....

Oh, and for anyone who thinks I dont have any pictures of Elijah, I do...he is just up and is saying "dont post that I dont have a shirt on" well, the most recent pictures of him...he doesn't. So I will respect his wishes with a warning. Put a shirt on at home or I will post them....

Wow!!!

Ok, proubably not note worthy at all, but since its my blog, I can do what I want!! Yippee! I love my new computer. My old (brick) I mean computer was dying a slow and very painful death, taking the hard drive, and my sanity with it, so Jim bought me a new one. (I did have my last lap top for 7 years, so I guess it was time) and we noticed a few things....1. WOW, computers are a lot cheaper then they were 7 years ago, 2. there is a lot of cool things that new computers can do, 3. maybe it wasn't our internet connection at all, but rather my old computer, 4. did I mention how pretty it is?, 5. I LOVE putting new pictures on it now. Its so easy to store the pictures, it practicully does it for me! My old brick I had to pretty much go one by one, and it took oh I don't know years to upload :) . Ok, maybe a bit of an exageration, but really I think I just uploaded more pictures in 1 time in about 5 seconds. LOVE MY NEW COMPUTER!
Oh, and on a side note, Jim had computer envy once he saw all the cool things mine could do (and I was totally not willing to share yet!), so the next day he bought one for him too...(well, the fancier version, because he like to roll like that!) Copy Cat.

Fear

Ok this is proubably just a very raw post, with no funnies, just me rambling a bit of my feelings. No pictures, no laughs, just real.
Recentlly (well, the last 2 years I guess) I have been struggling with fear. Not the ooh, whats that crack in the wall kind of fear or did I just see a shadow kind of thing, but the gut wrenching fear that can bring you to your knees and make you cry kind of fear. Now dont get me wrong, as I know who my Savior is, and I know He will never leave me, or forsake me (Romans) but still, I have this fear. I can get down to the root of it, and I know how it all started, but first I will back up a bit. I am the more layed back type of mom. My kids learn as they go. When searching for a house, we bought a house that had the stairs leveled meaning if someone was going to not hold onto the rail and fall, it was only going to be a few steps, so we have 4 steps then a landing, then 4 steps another landing, then 2 steps then tile. The worst that can happen is they fall 4 steps and hit carpet, or fall 2 steps and hit tile. But hopefully in the process they learn that the rail is not just a suggestion, its a tool. (Little did I know that Jim dear would learn this very valuble lesson about 1 week after moving in. Jake, Tori and Tara have never fallen, Elijah (who takes the steps like 5 at a time...I know there isn't 5 but you get my drift) has fallen several times, and Jim fallen twice. So the layed back parenting works well for me. There is boundries, limits, and consequences, but they can help themself within means. So now down to the root (as sorry, I just took you on a journey) When Tara got sick, I had this guilt. Guilt that has let fear come in. Horrible guilt that I should have cought her being sick so0ner. I was her mom, why didn't I know that her core body tempature was only 94 degrees, why couldn't I take one look at her listless body and know something was wrong? Why when she was having troubles eating did I just think it had to do with breast feeding, and not realize sooner that she just couldn't eat as she was so sick, her heart was sick. All of these little things, that I honestly rack myself with guilt over then and still now. Now, the little things I notice, not only on her but on all of them, and this is where the fear comes in. I am paranoid. A few weeks ago as I was giving my last kisses to my kids before I went to bed I noticed Tori was a bit cold, so I went and got the ear temp thing, I took her temp, it was 95...I couldn't sleep, I covered her up with more blankets, I checked on her every 20 minutes all night long, and I must have listened to her heart about 80 times that night. I even woke up Jim. I kept thinking for Tara when we found out she was cold, it was then only hours before she was crashing on the table. Well, needless to say, she was fine. Could have been that the house was only at 60 degrees that night....my point is I let fear take hold of me that night. It wasn't even with Tara, and I let the devil come in and destroy 6 hours of sleep for me because of fear. We talked, I dont think he will be messing with my sleep anymore, I believe I may have made him pee his pants with the talkin' this mama gave him.
So now, even with this overwhelming fear that sometimes consumes me, I will find rest. Rest in the Lord, Rest in His faithfulness, Rest in His goodness, and Rest in His protection over my family. Rest. Rest in Him.
aaah. That felt good to get that off my chest.....