Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Wind....

So I was reading in my bible the other day, and came across the scripture..Mark 6:48. They were straining because the wind was against them, He calmed the wind.
What this means. I am straining. I strain every day. The wind (or you know my dishwasher, computer, my kids etc) is against me. So instead asking him to calm my wind, I choose to strain. Daily. What am I thinking! So this week. I have made the conscious decision to not strain against my winds. Now, since I made this decision, Jim's work computer died, my dishwasher caught of fire, and I have had 2 trips to down town LA. However, none the less, I am not strained. I am choosing not to strain against these things. This means I am making a daily decision (sometimes hourly, or minute!), to ask God to calm my wind for me. I can now laugh at my half burnt dishwasher, my messy desk with so many computer parts I can't even see the granite, and my gas tank that in 3 days I have had to fill up twice...(OK, not really laughing at the last one!) and FYI it works! I feel good, I am truly feeling good about my winds at my sail. I am not straining, but instead enjoying this ride that I call my life. Infact so much so that I may even upload some pictures for another post...if I can find my ports...:)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I Lost my Job

This past month has been hard. Really hard. Since I feel I am able to share some of my feelings on here with you...In a nutshell, here it is. It down right sucked. I was feeling empty, lost, and could not find my way. I was having trouble sleeping (not eating...that I did just fine), doing my daily devotionals, daily chores, and even taking care of my kids. Unless you call throwing a piece of cheese and sandwich meat at them for lunch...and dinner. I knew I was headed down a road, that could spiral down quickly if I did not snap myself out of it. The road of depression. After all, I lost my Job. My responsibility to be a house wife. Not to brag or anything, but I was a rockin' house wife to Jim. I supported him in his wants and dreams, encouraged him, loved him, fed him well, and gave him his wants and desires...even if I had a head ache. Then 4 weeks ago, I lost my job. My job I was sooooo good at. It hurt, a lot. I was reading my friend Caz's blog the other day, and it hit me. I did not loose my job, my job just went to another country. I still need to do all of those things, just in other ways now. I still need to love, support and encourage my amazing husband that God gave to me. Its an honor every day I look down at my wedding ring, and remember my amazing husband we is working so hard to support our family, who I am sure misses us 5 times more than we miss him. While I am here, I have my 4 kids to love and hug in the sad times, he has nobody.
It is a high honor for a wife to be chosen from among all womankind. To be the wife of a Godly man....Great power is placed in her hands. Will she wear her crown beneficially? Will she fill her realm with beauty and blessings? Or will she fail in her holy trust? Only her married life can be the answer.

Jim Dear, I love you, and love what you do for us. You are an amazing husband, and an amazing dad. Every day I consider it an honor to be loved by you, that you would have, and choose me to be your wife.
I love you honey.

Friday, October 1, 2010

This might be a party pooper

Sorry for the lack of posts. Its not that I don't have anything to say that isn't blog worthy, its completely blog worthy. But my amazing mom always said "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all". I have been in a little funk for the last week, had nothing nice to say. So you ask what about the 2 weeks before that? Well, I soaked up every last minute of Jim I could...I should back up.
Jim came home from Qatar on Sept 1oth. The day before we had Tara's 3rd birthday party (maybe I will write about that later...) When he came home, we new it was going to be his last time home for a bit....a long bit. Jim and I have prayerfully decided for him to move to Qatar for the next 2 years. While we both were in agreement over this, It has not been easy since he has been gone. Jim is my best friend, my soul mate, my love. It hurts, and I am sad everyday he is gone. I miss him like a crazy person, yet I know this is a good thing, and he needs to be there. Right now is not the right time for us to go there as a family. I am not saying not ever, just not now. So for the 2 weeks from Sept 10th I soaked up every minute of him. Got my "love tank" full. We went on about 2-3 dates every week, cozied up in bed when the kids were at school, played hookie from work, and enjoyed each other. Now, I might be going thru with drawls! :) So this last week has been incredibly hard. I need to find a rhythm. Right now I just feel like I am walking in a fog. It will get easier, I will be able to manage, I will be OK, I will find a rhythm. Right now, I just need to breathe. I have a song that a friend of ours wrote from church. It says "Never alone, you are always here right by my side, I have nothing to fear, only you have made me worthy". He has made me worthy, for such a time as this.