Crutches and Bear

Today was a big day. Big. Huge. Hence why I am still up at 1 am. Ok, maybe not (I am just a night owl). But none the less. A big day. I have moved Tara to her own room SEVERAL times before. However I have always kept the crib in my room (we had 2). Just in case. In case she is sick, in case she is just off, just in case. However for the majority of her last nearly 3 years of life she has been in my room (lets just say she has either been in my room or the hospital!). Well, about a month ago I moved her. To a big girl bed. Its not a crib. In her own room. She loves it. She likes sleeping in there. She was excited to be in there. Last week I got an email from a friend. She said someone was looking for a crib for a house for battered women. A women came in and had a baby. I didn't even think twice and told them I had one. They came and picked it up today. Today I have a large empty spot in my room. Next to my bed. Where my baby has slept since she has been home from the hospital. Today, my crutch was taken. My If she is sick she will be closer to me spot. It will be filled with a fake tree (its a big room, it needs a tree). I no longer have a bed in my room for my baby. My crutch is gone.
This sweet little bear has been on her crib since my sweet little girl came home from the hospital. Sweet isn't it. This bear has significance to me. Maybe not to Tara (she did pose with it though!) When Tara was VERY sick one of Jim's friends came to visit us at the hospital. His name is Chris. She was in Huntington Hospital for maybe a week. My baby was 2 weeks old (she was a week old when she was admitted to Huntington Hospital). My baby that nobody really got to know when she was healthy. My baby that I was so proud of, her beauty, and even though it was hard to see her like that (with tubes, lines, swollen etc), she was beautiful to me. She was my beautiful girl, that I wanted to show off, but people who came to see us weren't really coming to see her. They were coming to see us. To make sure "we" were ok. I understand, and am sooooo grateful for everyone who came to bring us meals and love on us. We did need it. Looking back I think it was a type of beauty that only a mother can love. Tubes and lines don't scream beautiful baby. FYI. :)
When Chris came that day he brought us the bear. Wrapped up super cute (thinking his wife has something to do with it!) with a card. The card that said "Congratulations on your new baby" Love Chris (and family who I am leaving out for privacy...I didn't tell him I was going to blog about it! Its only fair!) Chris does not know what that card, and this sweet little bear meant to me. Someone was coming to see her, admire her beauty, and congratulate us on our new baby. Chris came, brought us a meal (Mexican I think?) and a present for our little girl to love on.

She may not hug and kiss it every day, but every night as I went to sleep seeing her crib in my room, and the sweet little bear attached reminds me of the day when friends came. Came and loved on my girl, congratulated us on her beauty, and meant more to me that day then he ever realized.

So tonight I go to sleep without her crib in my room with the sweet little pink bear attached to it staring at me as I drift of to sleep. Thank you Chris. Thank you for lifting my spirits that day nearly 3 years ago. You made me feel normal. That I had a normal baby, that my normal baby was beautiful.

PS. The bear is now attached to her big girl bed. To someday remind her. Remind her of her beauty and that people cared.